A Slovakian Self Service Slip-Up

By Kanrei

Slovakia: the land south of Poland. Slovakia: where people seem to like driving just a little too much.

The following story is true because I am not creative enough to invent something like this. The name has been withheld only because the Reuters story does not give it. Are you ready for another stupid criminal? Are you sure you can handle it after the “The Tale of the Blown Job” and the “Rapid Decent of the Goat-Killer”?

I knew I liked you for a reason.

In the town of Levice, Slovakia there was an accident involving a Citroen being driving by a 42 year old man and a bus. The impact was such that rescue workers were called out to the scene and they found the driver of the Citroen still in his car, unconscious.

Peter Polak of the Levice police told the Reuters that what they found in the car was something they had never seen before. It is something I never even thought of before. I mean I like to drive, but, well, here is Officer Polak again:

"It's very likely he had auto-sex while driving, it is a matter of investigation. After the accident he was found lying in the seat, his pants were off and it (the pump) was placed on his penis."

I think at this point I should just leave this story at that. A 42 year old man was driving a piece of sh*t older than G-d Citroen with a vacuum pump on his pecker and he crashes into a bush. He passes out and is found by the rescuers with his pants down and the pump on. I should leave it, but I can’t. I have some questions:

1) Did he pass out from the impact or the orgasm?
2) How long was he passed out after the accident with the pump on his pecker?
3) Was the driver smiling when found?
4) Did he ask for a cigarette when revived?

I do not know what he will be charged with exactly. The article only said he was taken to the hospital with “head injuries”. I wonder which head (insert rimshot here).