Thursday, May 31, 2007

I Can Rite Good

Little Birdie has inspired me. She wrote 5000 words in one day so I must now attempt the same thing. Here I go. Wish me luck.

“Five-thousands words in one day.”

That was easier than I thought it would be. I might try to double it next time. Screw next time, I am going to double it now.

“Five-thousand words in one day. Five thousand words in one day.”

Do I rock as an author or what?

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Not a June Gemini Sadly, but a Gemini Just the Same

The office manager’s water broke this morning. The soap opera has taken an unexpected turn today which is rather nice considering the horrible path the soap has taken as of late. I think we are just hours away from welcoming little Casey into the world and I am quite excited. No, the child is not mine, but she has been working with my family in one way or another for over twenty years and she is part of the family. My parents even feel like they are about to have a grandchild.

It is wonderful when something like this happens to someone who gave up on having kids years ago, yet deeply wanted to have one. She is going to be an amazing mother- I have no doubts about that. All one had to do was see how happy she was pregnant to know she is going to love every second of what is to come. She is probably still in a state of disbelief actually. I don’t think this will all sink in fully until little Casey’s 18th birthday.

The birth of Casey leaves us still with two other co-workers due to pop at any moment. I think the next is due in August. So much fun, especially when the kids to come are not yours. For me, kids are like puppies- I love other people’s but really do not think I want one of my own.

Congrats Babs and welcome to Miami Casey!

UPDATE False Alarm. There is still hope for a June birth. Just hold out two more days Babs and the world is blessed with another June Gemini. Down with May/ Up with June! June Geminis Rule!!!!

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Choose Your Own Story Part III

I choose "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Say hi to Paris!"

Thursday, May 24, 2007

I Do Still Live For the Record

The dust bunnies have taken control. My Lemming House has been overtaken by the little rabbits of debris. It has been one of those weeks thus far. Between not having that much to say and not having that much time to figure out how to say it this site has gone untouched for a little while. Whoops! If this site were my wife she would be looking at the mailman this week with lustful thoughts I feel. Lucky for me a blog cannot cheat.

A return to politics is coming for better or for worse to this site. I have been out of the loop for far too long and the stupidity has continued despite my ignoring it. Even worse, the stupidity has spread from those seeking our votes outwards. The media is lulled into such a state of apathy that they cannot even bother to find the truth let alone broadcast it. They are treating all news makers as if they are actually making news instead of repeating things they have already said numerous times before.

This is not a Bush-bash either, all sides are putting their stupidest foot forward. Hillary, Obama, Rudy, McCain, Romney, Edwards- are any of these people even qualified to pick their nose? How can we trust any of them to help decide our futures? The only positive side of any of these people running is the distant hope that if Hillary wins she would let Bill run things again, but she is too stupid to allow that and Bill will have too much fun with the White House interns while getting to ignore the day-to-day hassles of being President.

Crap! I started politics today it seems. More complaining to come though, its what I'm good at.

Friday, May 18, 2007

Jack Be Nimble, Jack Be Quick! Friday with a Limbo Stick

Today is something new for a Friday. I find myself in Limbo and it is a very different feeling for a Friday. I am used to drowning on a Friday or being bored to the point of counting ceiling tiles (I have one in my office- it is an easy thing to count) or just plain getting a tad bit more stir crazy than I normally am, but not this Friday. Yes, work-wise this is a counting ceiling tiles sort of day; I got all my techs confirmed. The Limbo part comes into play in relation to my plans for the night.

I have plans to see Roger Waters tonight in West Palm Beach. It is a good two hour drive for me so my motivation today is waning, but there is also the lure of seeing an old friend there and that I still want to do. I am ready to drive two hours to see Jody, only I cannot reach Jody to find out where exactly in West Palm Beach I am to meet her. She has my ticket. This will make getting to the show just a little difficult for me. We spoke last night and worked out sort-of plans, but she was to call me this morning with the exact location of our meeting up. So far I have not been able to reach her.

Am I relieved or upset? Not sure to be honest. I still have two hours to get in touch with her before it is just too late for me to go. The two hour drive I spoke of is not taking traffic into consideration. Once the clock hits 3 the two hour drive becomes a four hour drive, so my window for leaving is getting smaller by the minute.

If we do not meet up tonight I am going to try and see her tomorrow however. Like I said before, seeing Roger is nice, but I would rather see Jody.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Kanrei and the Curse of Spiderman 3

I owe an apology to the Lemmings. It appears we do have “gamer gals” who read this site. Please forgive me for my ignorance. I made an assumption which made an ass out of you and “umption.” Nothing makes an ass out of me = D.

Since you expressed interest in games, allow me to regale you with the tale of “Kanrei and the Curse of Spiderman 3.” It is a sad and tragic tale of expectation, regret, and anguish. I hope you are prepared for it. If not, I will wait….ready?

Spiderman 2 was an amazing movie, but I honestly loved the video game so much more. Watching Spiderman fight Doc Ock for two hours is fun, but playing as Spiderman in a 20 hour plus game is so much better. Add the fact that the Spiderman 2 game took the “Sandbox” approach to gaming and you have perfection. (Sandbox is a gamer term for allowing the player freedom to do what they want to in the game environment. It gives the player multiple missions at the same time and lets the player decide how and when to complete them.) I milked the game out to four months if one includes time spent swinging through a very well re-created New York. Oh how I could not wait for part 3.

On the day Spiderman 3 was released most people ran to their local theater, but not me. I ran to my local Toys R Us and bought my copy of the game for the Playstation 2. Most people do not want anything to ruin the movie; I did not want the movie to ruin the game. Ironically, the company releasing the game ruined it for me. The PS2 version was half a game at best and I beat it in 7 hours. Compare that to the four months I spent on the previous one and you can imagine my disgust. Where was my Spideman game??!! What the Hell happened?

I went online to find out why the game sucked as badly as it did. It seemed like half the story was missing. Things would happen and reference something that never did. It was annoying and online I found out why- two different companies released the game. One company did the Xbox360/PS3 versions and another did the NintendoWii/ PS2 versions. One company made a full game and the other basically packaged hi-lights. A warning on the box would have been nice.

So there I am sitting and jonesing for my Spiderman experience. The reviews told me that the game I was expecting was released on the PS3, but I did not have one. What I did have was a tax return and no real need for the cash. Tax return + Jones for a game= New game system in my house.

I cannot tell you exactly how much I spent on my PS3, Spiderman 3, Tony Hawk Project 8, and protection plan because I asked the saleslady not to tell me. I said she should just ring up my card and hide the total from my sight. I am not good at spending mass amounts of cash at one sitting, but I really wanted it and feared a heart attack in the store. Not a good sight for the kiddies although the sight of a man dying while buying a gaming system might make them think twice before asking their parents in fear of bumping them off.

I have still not finished the Spiderman game just yet, but I can tell from reading all the reviews of the movie that I made the right choice in playing the game first. I am loving every second of swinging through Manhattan and have not once thought of the money I spent to do it. I cannot wait for the next Spiderman game although I hear there is a new Final Fantasy coming out that promises over 100 hours of game time. Oh joy! I have never been so happy to have no life.

If you wonder where Kanrei is, just look at the skyscrapers and you will see me swinging on a silken strand of webbing and fighting crime to make the world safer for you. Am I a nice guy or what?

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Not to Brag But...

My parents were traveling in from Europe on Monday so needless to say I did not get any sleep until they called to let me know they got home safe. When I tried to sleep I found myself listening to the BBC for news of a plane crash or something horrible. Thankfully nothing bad happened. In fact, they had a great time.

Yes, I am one of those people who expects the worst. It makes logical sense when one considers that the last thing a person expects to happen is usually what happens. Since I expect the worst possible thing I take it out of the realm of possibility. It is simply attempting to use the rules of life against the order of things. If there is a plan then there is a pattern and if there is a pattern it can be learned. Logic.

So panic and paranoia kept me from blogging yesterday and sleeping on the job kept me away from blogging today. We had to certify our software for a new study and yours truly was chosen as the sleeping subject.

It was not the luxury it sounds like I assure you. Aside from the wires attached everywhere from head to toe, there is the fact that this was not a real study, but an MSLT.

“What is a MSLT?” I heard someone in the back ask. Great question and I only hope to answer it correctly. A MSLT is a Multiple Sleep Latency Test where a subject stays in bed for two hour and takes a 20 minute nap and this is done four times. The reason is to test for nympholepsy or sleep deprivation. A well rested person will not fall asleep in 20 minutes when in bed no matter how hard they try. A well rested body is a well rested body.

My Playstation 3 is partially to blame as well. Since you are not gamers I will not waste your time explaining it other that to say that I was skeptical, but it is worth the price.

Happy Mommy's Day to all our Mommy Lemmings. I hope you stayed off line.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Bonnie and the Ninja

He was a ninja; an ancient warrior of the shadow arts. Able to walk across a lawn without disrupting a single blade of grass he could stalk his prey and strike before thinking. Ok, not really, but that sounded so much cooler than "he was a dork living in the suburbs of Miami." The reality is that he was a dork living in the suburbs of Miami, victim of an overactive imagination and one too many movies.

He found an old black shirt he could no longer fit into and would wrap it around his head covering his entire head save for his eyes. He would stuff his sock in between his big and second toe to create a mock ninja shoe. He would straighten out a hanger to create his perfect ninja sword and he would torment his sister by jumping out of various closets about the house at random intervals. It would be cute if he were not 23 years old.

"Asssole," he would scream as he swung his sword at her head.

"What the fuck does that even mean?"

"You can't talk anymore; you're dead."

"Oh grow up!"

"I will one day and you can't cause you are dead."

"Oh Christ mom should of had that abortion. I wonder if it's too late..."

"I will grow and you will rot. I will grow and you will rot. Ninjas always win!"

"I can't wait until I'm eighteen and can move away from you!"

"What time is it my dead sister?"

"11:35, why?"

"See ya, I'm late for my physics class."

"How late?"

"Almost twenty-four hours. Good thing ninjas don't need physics."

"You really are an idiot. Balance and throwing and all that ninja crap is all physics based you dolt."

"Is not!"

"Is too."

"No it isn't!"

"What is it then?"

After a long pause the ninja proudly exclaimed "I can't tell you cause it's a ninja secret and I would have to kill you if I told you."

"I thought you already killed me so now you can tell me."


Friday, May 11, 2007

Oh Do It Baby (Do the Humpty Hump)

A Blast from the Past for your Friday

Return of the Friday (Hide the Children)

My damn Word has expired again! Even worse, they actually will not let me reinstall the free demo for a tenth time. I am Wordless and it is looking like I am going to actually have to buy the damn program if I intend to continue blogging or else blog more from work which will not make my boss the happiest of campers. Oh irony of ironies to lose my publishing program the day my arm decides to allow me to type again. Is this a sign from the invisible father figure in the sky?

For the record, this is Friday and this is the “It’s Friday” update. Welcome back everyone to the Lemming House. Thankfully (or sadly) not much has happened during these last few weeks that I have been away from my computer. I have avoided the internet for the most part these last few weeks, have not played video games, and have lost touch with the world of politics and pop culture. It has been a wonderful vacation for my psyche, but I really did not expect the worlds of politics and pop culture to explode quite so much while I was gone. Last vacation I take…

Princess Diana Monroe is going to jail and I missed it! Alberto Gonzalez is busted misleading Congress and I missed it! Spiderman 3 breaks every record known to man and I missed it! Birdie hit the road and I missed it! The “Dear Twit” letters have continued and I have missed them! Scary Monster posted eight really weird things about himself and I missed it! Damn my arm sometimes, just damn it!

News in the Kanrei Lemming Universe- I broke down after receiving my tax return and bought a Playstation 3 the other day. I tried playing the Spiderman 3 game on my PS2, but it was horrible beyond description and, since I care more for the Spiderman games than I do the movies, I had to run out and upgrade my home gaming system. $800 later and I can honestly say the only regret I have is that I must leave it to go to work.

And this is before I even have it hooked up to a HD TV (because I don’t have one) or have it online. Imagine how great it will be once I get the system working in all its glory! A review will be coming I guarantee. I have not given the system the attention it deserves to write about it just yet, but it is certainly thus far impressive. Once my arm is 100% I intend to screw it up once again swinging through Manhattan fighting crime and saving innocents.

I have missed you all and am so happy to be back. I have so much to read this weekend on each of your blogs and I cannot wait. Thank you for waiting for me.

Monday, May 07, 2007


Serena has asked a very scary question. The nightmares you are about to have are to be blamed entirely on her and not I, your humble Lemming host. All I am here to do is to fulfill your requests and, as Serena is among the first Lemming to find her way home, I cannot deny her any request, no matter how damaging it may be to the psyche of the other Lemmings. I am positive she meant no harm in asking her question and it does appear on the surface to be a rather benign question, but considering whom she asked it of she should have known better. What is that old saying about the road to Hell and good intentions?

Here is Serena's question from the "Typing Feels Good" thread:
If you're looking for something worth saying, how about having a gander at the age-old question: What the hell IS the meaning of life?:)

Considering I am a person who sees infinite possibilities on how to get from point A to point B, this could be the most rambling post of my short blogging career. I mean the meaning of life? Wouldn't 42 just about cover that? Or how about that bumper sticker I saw in 1990 in Buffalo,NY at a Deadshow that simply said: "The Meaning of Life is to Give Life Meaning". Would that take care of life's lack of a real meaning?

Yes, you read that correctly- life has no meaning. None! No purpose or plan or rhyme or reason. Life is a blank slate that is a gift and a curse that each of us must define and assign a value to. Each life we live is certainly a step in some great journey no doubt, but the journeyman has no clue where he is going. He is just wandering about and smelling the flowers.

The common belief is that we are here to continue life; to reproduce and ensure our species existence, but that is rather shallow and short sighted to me. We exist only to continue existing? No wonder these people cling to ancient and archaic beliefs of invisible father-figures in the clouds.

If there is an invisible father-figure in the clouds then we are here only to provide entertainment to him. It is possible that each of us are a different show the invisible father-figure tunes into from time to time. Death is being canceled and reincarnation is being renewed. Reproducing is simply syndicating and spin-off shows. Omnipotence must be so boring.

Personally, I am still not yet convinced any of you really exist outside my warped mind and I realize talking to myself is a sign of insanity so I decline to answer the question on the grounds in may incriminate me.

Typing Feels Good

I am back (I think)! My neck is stiff still and there is some tightness in my arm, but the pain is gone for the most part and feeling is slowly returning. My month-long Hell is just about over with until this time next year! You see, my body breaks down on a schedule that I am only now starting to figure out.

Every February I get the flu. Every May my left arm acts up. Every November my left knee swells. Every other September I get hit by a hurricane. It is good to have a plan I suppose and even better to figure it out. It appears I am now good until September since I did not get hit by a hurricane last year. I am ready.

I misspoke in my last post I am afraid and exaggerated the nature of my injury. It is not a slipped disk as much as a herniated one. That is far less of a major problem and I am sorry for the confusion.

Now all I need is something worth saying and my blog is back.

Friday, May 04, 2007

Freaky Funky Friday

Been a long time since I blogged on a Friday/
I used to have so much to say on this day/
It’s been a long time/
Been a long time/
Been a long lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely…

Almost back to full form and I cannot tell you how happy I am to say I slept last night! My alarm had to wake me up for the first time in three years this morning (thank G-d I am still in the habit of setting it) and I actually feel refreshed. This can only mean one thing- the pain is letting me get some sleep: it is fading.

I am not going to go full force with the blogging just yet however. I am going to give myself the weekend to completely heal up. Even typing this I can feel the joints creaking and chafing in my hand. It is not a pleasant feeling I can assure you, but does feel kind of funky. It is something I am not used to feeling so I must admit I am playing with the popping just a little even though I know I shouldn’t, but it is so fun to gross out my co-workers with.

I am a little surprised at how many of my fellow bloggers keep their blogs hidden from all those they know. I am so proud of my blog that I tend to force my co-workers and friends to read it and even feel a bit offended when they tell me they haven’t in a while. Perhaps it is the solitary nature of my existence that makes me feel the need to share my blog with others. Is it fear of offending someone that makes you all keep the blog private, or is it something more that the blog represents to you? I am curious since I share my blog so openly with everyone and have yet to hold back anything as a result.

I mean if I can write a four part piece about getting busted at a Dead show when my employer reads my blog then I can post anything.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Thinking of Each and Every One of You

Downside of things: I still have some numbness in my fingertips and find myself horribly behind on all my favorite blogs. I am clueless as to the happenings in the world around me since I only get my news from the internet and I am also dreadfully behind in the world of pop culture.

Upside of things: An old friend has invited me to see the sold out Roger Waters show with her on May 18th I believe it was. I have not really spoken to her much in the last decade, but have never forgotten her and am not sure if I am more excited to see Roger or her. Also, being so far behind on all my favorite blogs gives me plenty to do this weekend.

My physical therapist does not think it is carpal tunnel I have so much as a slipped disk. I am not sure if that is good news or bad, but I am slowly getting better. The splint at night and cold-packs during the day in addition to my stretches are working wonders. As Dave Mustane once wrote- time has a way of taking time. Healing is going slow and I cannot really do a real blog update just yet.

I miss all my fellow lemmings dearly and cannot wait until I can really type again. Until that day, avoid those cliffs!