Friday, June 27, 2008

The Friday Enema

Friday. I went to McDonald’s and had a homeless guy say to me “Smiles in an unsmiling world” as I passed by him to my car. I do tend to walk through life with a pretty much constant smile on my face, but that is not to say I am a happy person; rather that I just tend to see the subliminal joke in most situations that the average person is too busy to notice. And yes, every situation in life does contain a subliminal joke designed solely for the entertainment of the supreme deity of your choosing, this deity being the only real choice you have in life. All other events are dictated by the character the deity has written for you and the situations that deity decides to place you in.

Why reality television? Because we are all made in the supreme deity’s image and this deity loves reality television. Our lives and every facet of them are the reality shows they watch. Each of us is another channel they can view because, let’s face it, omnipotence has got to be boring. That explains the slightly free will we have been cursed with. I call it only slightly free will because the choices we make are usually already dictated by the person we are. For example, people who know me know that I would never ever kill another human being in any situation ever. This is because of who I am and how I was raised. I could never choose to kill someone, no matter the reasons. Do I have free will? Sure. Is there room for drama if say someone is not that familiar with my character? Absolutely.

Why did we watch “Growing Pains?” We knew Mike Seaver was not going to cheat on that test he had at the end of the episode, but we did not know how we was going to avoid cheating and therefore watched. Our chosen supreme deity watches over us for the same reasons: morbid curiosity of how we will end up where they already know where we will be.

That mental enema I had at lunch really seems to have worked. How could all that crap have been stuck in my lower cerebellum? No wonder rational thought had such a difficult time coming out. I hope this means I will have a logical weekend, as I hope you will as well.

Watch out for cliffs and clavens.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Random Thoughts on June 24, 2008

• Do they have American BBQ restaurants in Japan like we have Japanese Steakhouses in America? I am imagining a restaurant filled with giant BBQ pits, surrounded by tables that enable eight people to sit in a semi-circle and watch an American in cliché BBQ apparel cooking hot dogs and hamburgers. Of course there would have to be a show aspect to the place as the BBQ Kings twirled their spatulas, juggled their salt and pepper shakers, and did funky tricks with their wieners. I can foresee a franchise starting just as soon as I move to Japan.

• Every year stoners celebrate April 20th as the national pot smoking holiday. The reasons behind why 420 and not say 515 are varied, but it is universally agreed that 4:20 is the time to smoke pot and April 20th, being the twentieth day of the fourth month, is 420 all day long. Many a stoner throws a massive party on this day in celebration. The interesting part of this is that April 20th is also Adolf Hitler’s birthday. I have to wonder if any group of stoners, in their mind hazed wanderings from party to party ever stumbled into a Neo-Nazi celebration. I do know that my college roommates and myself, all Jewish, threw many parties on April 20th before realizing this horrible irony. Cops driving by wondered “are they stoners or Nazis or possibly Nazi-stoners throwing the ultimate bash.” I think the Nazi-stoner crowd probably gets the most out of April 20th actually.

• I was at a friend's house last night who is working on learning self defense and was watching a video on "grappling and holds" while I was there. I was wondering if they make videos for the other side, like for criminals. The companies that make radar detectors are the same companies that make the radar guns- they are basically selling to both sides to keep their customer base alive. Every time they make a new speed gun, they then release the detector to beat it, causing the cops to need a new speed gun. I was thinking that, if the self defense companies followed this example, they could rake in millions. I mean, for every video teaching a suburban housewife new defense techniques, they could also sell videos to prospective and upcoming criminals on how to counter these methods. They then could install the fear of G-d in these housewives over the fact that all their self-defense techniques are outdated and easily countered. It would be a never ending cycle of sales! Of course, one has to have no soul to do this, but, looking around the business world I can see plenty of souless chaps eager for a dime. Me? I just want my 10% for the idea. I can live with being 10% evil.

• I miss George Carlin.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Thomas Lost his Conductor

I was all prepared to write today until I was on my way into work and learned that my first official hero, George Carlin, has passed away. My love of words and how they can be used in different ways can be traced back directly to this man. Quite a bit of my philosophy of life can be traced back directly to this man. I never felt he told jokes so much as just phrased reality in a "laugh or kill yourself" kind of truth.

More than just a dirty comic for adults, George also was the VW in the Pixar film Cars and the conductor in Thomas Tank Engine. His passing is a loss for the entire world and this is one case where I believe the world will take notice.

R.I.P. Mr. Carlin and thank you for everything! This is the first famous passing to ever bring tears to my eyes.

Friday, June 20, 2008

A Great Friday Too All

Today the office took me out to lunch to celebrate my birthday so there was no "It's Friday" update. The Month from Hell is at a close it seems just a few weeks too late, but at least things are returning to their normally scheduled viewings. Have a great weekend. I will be sleeping until Monday.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Yet Another Week From Hell Diary Entry

Today I ripped someone’s guts out and shat upon them as they sat festering in the scorching noonday’s sun. I took someone’s concept of reality and shattered it into a thousand pieces and then spread those pieces out around the globe knowing they will never find them all again. Today I looked a man in the eyes and told him that he was no longer a part of the company of which we both once worked. This was my first firing ever and it felt worse than I ever imagined anything could. I mean to see a grown man cry and beg for his life and there being nothing you can do other than try some half-assed pathetic and slightly transparent attempt to empathize with this man is impossible.

How can I honestly empathize with him when, come tomorrow, I will still be employed and he will not be? How can I honestly empathize with someone who is about to get their last pay check with no prospects on the horizon? The answer is I can’t, but there I was, going through the motions, pretending like I knew how he felt; the depths of the fear and worry that is now his life is something I could never know.

I told him I would do anything I could for him as if there is anything I could do for him. If I couldn’t save his job, how can I get him a new one? He called me on it and said that what he needed was to work. That just felt so peaches. I told him that he still had vacation time left, so he had another paycheck still coming, but that was no help. It is sort of like telling someone that, after this next swallow of water you are going to dehydrate for a while. It makes it kind of hard to really enjoy that last glass.

Now I know in the grand scheme of things that it is for the best. Nobody likes having an operation to have something removed either, but, when leaving it in will cause more damage, you have to take the discomfortable path and remove it. Ask any pre-op patient if the pain is really worth the surgery they are about to have and almost all would say that the pain is not all that bad. They would probably say that the preparation for the operation was more painful than the thing being treated. This does not mean that the operation should be avoided. I realize that letting this person go today is going allow this company to survive where as it was questionable if it could with them. There is no doubt about that, but that does not make the operation any easier to endure.

The week from Hell AKA the Fortnight from Hell is rapidly becoming the Month from Hell and it officially now has a body count. Call me the serial killer because today I gave someone the “axe.” I only prey…I mean pray that he was this killer’s last victim because I really did not enjoy the taste of raw employee flesh.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

The Blog Nobody Reads

This is the blog that nobody reads.

These are the words on the blog that nobody reads

These are the thoughts contained within the words embedded on the blog that nobody reads

This could have been the spark of creativity caused by the thoughts contained within the words embedded on the blog that nobody reads

This could have been the Earth changing idea born of the spark of creativity caused by the thoughts contained within the words embedded on the blog that nobody reads.

Friday, June 13, 2008

Friday the 13th: Part Pi

It is late for a Friday, but that is just indicative of the week from Hell that has extended into the Fortnight from Hell! It just never ends. Yes, today has been mostly calm and no bombs have gone off from any unexpected places, but we went out to lunch today to say “good-bye” to more collateral damage from the break up and that was kind of sad. Don’t worry, she is not unemployed. In today’s economy we would do everything we could before allowing someone to lose their job over something that is no fault of their own. No, they will be working with the other half of our split which guarantees a friendly relationship between the two offices.

On the Playstation 3 front: it works perfectly. Everything I said before about Sony I must now officially take back. I had a bad service person last time, but Sony showed me that they can do things right when they want to. I had my new PS3 in my hands 3 days after sending it back to Sony….3 days! This includes the day I mailed it off to them and the day I got it back. That means that I was technically without a PS3 for only two days total. Now that is turn around. I watched Spiderman 2 on BluRay last night to check that it worked and it worked!

This weekend I am fixing a toilet that lead me to a $126 water bill. I called to complain, but they had me check my toilets and damnit if the one I thought I fixed weeks ago was not still very slowly still leaking! Blast it! I know toilet water is clean, but I still really hate dealing with the inside of a toilet. Fecalphobia I suppose.

Have a great weekend and a happy Father’s Day to all you dads our there. If, like me you have no children, then enjoy the quiet Sunday and remember that you probably already have enough ties.

In honor of today I will repost the ditty from the Friday, October 13, 2006 post:

My friend Jason has an axe
Blood and gore and guts
He puts it into people’s backs
Blood and gore and guts
With a “chop-chop” here
And a “chop-chop” there
Here a “chop”
There a “chop”
Everywhere a “chop-chop”
My friend Jason has an axe
Blood and gore and guts

My friend Jason has a knife
Blood and gore and guts
He used that thing all his life
Blood and gore and guts
With a “stab-stab” here
And a “jab-jab” there
Here a “stab”
There a “jab”
Everywhere a “stab-jab”
My friend Jason has a knife
Blood and gore and guts

My friend Jason has a machete
Blood and gore and guts
He likes to turn people into confetti
Blood and gore and guts
With a “slice dice” here
And a “slice dice” there
Here a “slice”
There a “dice”
My friend Jason has a machete
Blood and gore and guts

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Selling the Drama

Drama, drama, drama; I feel like Michael Corleone: everytime I think I’m out, they pull me back in. Nothing is ever smooth in a divorce and, let’s be frank, that is what is happening right now at work. The partners are splitting up and are dividing assets and that is never a pretty sight. Add into the mix that third party, the other woman if you will and “her” desires to have it all and you have a major FUBAR in the making. It is taking quite a bit of my time and, it is so exhausting to deal with, that it is also zapping the life from the free time I have left. All I want to do is sit on my couch with my remote in hand and veg.

I can see a light at the end of the tunnel, but I thought I had seen one before. I am going to assume that it is just a reflection off of some new dilemma waiting for its chance to jump out and say “boo!” I am ready for it. I can’t wait to get back to blogging though. I forgot what it was like to have time to try and kill at work. So this is what it is like to actually work for a living!

Friday, June 06, 2008

My First Ever TGIF

I used to hate Fridays as many who have read here for a while know, but not today. Today I fully understand "Thank G-d It's Friday!"

I spoke too soon about my return to full time honest to G-d blogging. The storm is officially over, but there is quite a bit more post-storm clean up than I expected. For example, it is now 1:26 and I am sitting at my desk for the first time all day and only for the few moments is will take me to type this out. See, you do take priority with me. I will be getting back up shortly to get back to my phone calls. I hate phone calls.

Anyways, have a wonderful weekend to each and every one of you. I survived this week nicotine free! I will be visiting you later tonight.

Thursday, June 05, 2008

...I Have To Wear Shades

The Week from Hell continues, but is getting less and less Hellish every day. Where I had to convince myself earlier this week that all was not lost, today I actually believe it in my soul. It could be the minor rapture I experienced the other night while praying (yes, I do pray, but my relationship with G-d is between me and G-d so I don’t talk about it much), or it could be the vibe I got from the meeting today with all of our techs, but I feel confident right now that all is going to be better than OK, it will be better than it ever has been.

OK, rapture. I prayed the other night because of all that is happening right now in my life. I worry about my parents because they are not cynics and are not as prepared for betrayal as I am. I worried about my co-workers and if they believe us when we reassure them all will be OK, or if they think it is just empty spin. I worried that, if they do have faith in us that we might let them down. I worried that, if they didn’t and went to the other company, that the other company would let them down. I worried that the person who betrayed me and my family so deeply was not the evil person, but rather just a fool who trusted the wrong person and now their family will be screwed as a result. Yes, I worried about the futures of those that betray me. I am a nice guy when push comes to shove, so I prayed to G-d to guide all of these things to the outcome that is best for all. I did not ask for a specific outcome, because who am I to pray for anything specific in anyone else’s life. I just asked G-d to guide all concerned to the best outcome for all concerned.

I finish my prayer and begin to feel chills. My face contorts to a smile and I begin laughing while tears fall down my face. The hairs on my neck stand up and I feel that everything is going to be fine. I am not some religious freak, so I don’t mind you disbelieving me or thinking it was something else. I would be doing the same if I read that on your blog, but I believe it to be true. It was as if G-d were reassuring me that all is as it should be and that is good. I slept for the first time in days.

Today was the rally meeting with the techs. We gathered those who have generally worked at our location and told them they have to decide which facility they want to work at. We told them our plans and what we wanted from them. When asked about the other place, we were honest and said that we had no idea what was going to be. It might be more money, might be less. It could be more work, could be less. We could not say. At the end, I think a good percent is going to stay with us and that makes me very happy. I did just wreck my car though seeing one of them at the other place and wondering what they were doing there. Probably reporting to the enemy what happened during the meeting, but they have nothing to report. As the Grateful Dead once sang: We Will Survive!

Tomorrow will be a return to regular blogging, both here and at your sights. I have a lot of reading to do and will be commenting on more than just your most recent post, I promise. My political essay fell by the wayside this week due to the excitement, but it is not lost or forgotten.

Life can be a wild ride sometimes.

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

The Future's So Bright...

I know the title contradicts my earlier post, but shock has a way of coloring a situation. My heart still aches, but I have never been one on whom lies sit right. I am sure there was an easier way to have said that, but it is late and I am in shock, so please cut just a little slack.

See, I don't lie. I don't lie to a fault. When I was a kid, my mom would throw parties where her friends would come and she would introduce me to them all by saying "Brad, you remember (insert name here)?"

I thought she was asking honestly, so I would look at them, then at her and say "no." I realize that is the incorrect answer, but it was the honest answer. I have since sort of learned the difference, although old reflexes do take the better of me from time to time. Whoops, tangent.

I would always rather take a nasty painful truth than a pleasant lie, especially from someone I think to be above lies. I am a gullible person by nature, so I have a distrusting outer shell. If I trust you, then I cannot imagine you would ever lie to me about anything, even to spare my feelings because I would do the same for you. Bad things are always best heard from those who love you.

This person looked me in the eye and assured me they were behind me, that I could count on them, and that they would do anything before betraying me. And it was not even because of me, but rather because this person thought as I thought and was after the same things. Other people I would worry about from time to time, but never them; to the point of fighting with other people who are beyond reproach in defense of this person.

There is business and there is personal and I am not sure where exactly this one falls. In this case, the business I work for is family and the employees are extended members of this family. I know every company thinks it is that way, but this one really is. When bad things were occurring in this person's life, for example, we took those things personally along with them. Should I hold this person in personal contempt or do I just say this was business and move along?

Anyway, the title is correct. We got off our game last year and lost track of our purpose. It was a fun ride, but it is time to get back to real medicine and forget research. Both help people, but real medicine has a more immediate benefit. It takes years for research to yield results after all.

Everything works out exactly as it should. The trick is to recognize those few parts you have control over and remember to go slack during those many parts you don't. If you do that, then I guarantee you a wonderful and fun ride that will end exactly where it is supposed to.


John Lennon once wrote that life is what happens while you are busy making other plans. Life happened today and the world I inhabit has shifted quite severely. Nothing Earth-shattering, but it is a major upheaval that I am not totally free right now to go into details about. All I can say is that I am very busy today and do not have time for any real blogging. I will visit all your sites I hope tonight. I have no PS3 again so I have plenty of time.

PS- A new essay is about half way finished and I hope to have it at Blogcritics by the end of the week. I am getting better at writing nicotine free, but it is still very slow going.

Sunday, June 01, 2008

Posted at Blogcritics

Republican Truths for Fun and Profit

Oh, Scotty, I really thought we were done with you. I really felt your failure and dishonesty had shown through so thoroughly that you were going to spend the rest of your life hiding under a rock and begging G-d to forgive you for the lies you told to sell your master’s plan. I suppose that I should have known a weasel like you would find a way to get back into the nation’s minds and, like always, you are spinning out of control. Damage control for the damage you caused I suppose is your plan, or is it guilt?

Scott McClellan, President’ Bush’s mouthpiece after Ari left, has written a book (no shock) that is — are you ready? — critical of the Bush White House and now confirms most of the very things he denied from the podium. Do we believe a liar when he admits that he lied before and is telling the truth now?

Okay, so assume we believe Scotty when he says that Bush lied to him about the war in Iraq and that Rove and Scooter lied to him about the Plame affair. Let’s assume he was just a mouthpiece and a patsy for the greater deceits told to him by the President and his advisors. Assuming all of these things as true, it begs the questions of why he waited for so long to come clean about these revelations and why he chose the format he chose.

First, why wait for so many years to “out” Bush as a liar and the war in Iraq to be based on propaganda? Is it because this is an election year? I wonder because we have had other elections since you left the White House and there was not the slightest of peeps from you. The only reason I can think of is that releasing this information now still shelters Bush (he is leaving office), but sinks McCain even more than he is already sinking.

McCain’s support is largely tied to his support of the war in Iraq and, if the information you are telling us is true, no one is damaged more by this than McCain. Bush and Cheney are leaving not only the White House, but basically elected politics forever, so it does not damage them at all. It does show that McCain's determination to remain in the war is based not on reality, but on self-serving propaganda. It serves as yet another example of where McCain’s judgment is not presidential and his election will only further weaken an already battle-weary nation.

We also know that this is an election year and there is no better time for a politically oriented book to hit the marketplace. The press are starving for anything politically based and are bored of the same Obama/Hillary stories, so this gives them something fresh to talk about. Their excitement over this new subject will only increase the public's curiosity and therefore only serve to sell more books.

Secondly, why a book? It seems to me that this information is a tad bit too important for you to have sat on while the book was shopped to publishers, written, edited, printed, and then released. You knew for certain that this war was based on bad information, that the chief executive misled the nation into war, and yet you remained silent as more people died and more of our nation’s resources were wasted while you worked out the best deal for yourself. You learned well during your tenure, young Padawan — truth is truth, but profit is profit.

Oh, Scotty, why oh why could you not just have faded into the obscurity from which you came? When you could have done something, when it would have mattered, you did nothing and now that it is too late to matter, you take the money and cry victim. Bush is even helping you by condemning the book. You have cemented your place as a piece of opportunistic scum of the Earth in my book. I guess spin is addicting.