Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Frankenstein's Earworm

The song I have in my head today is one of my own creation, which should be a cool thing except that it is only in my head. Oh, the musical aspect of it is on my iPad and has been for 2 days now, but the vocal part, one I swore to give up on trying, is on a repeat cycle in my cranium which happens to have amazing acoustics, but I digress...

The problem seems so simple which only seems to complicate it; the Earworm only consists of two lines: 1) They're Getting Ready; 2) Time to Run. The first line is repeated 3 times and the last only once. Sounds simple, right? Two fucking days I have sung those two lines over and over and over again in various pitches and even trying silly voices hoping they might sound cool to no avail. All I have accomplished is having it perfected in my head, mocking me as it now knows I lack the ability to get it out.

How do you kill an Earworm you have no way of sharing?

Monday, December 19, 2011

To the tune of "Black Water" by the Doobie Brothers

Well, I've built me some bombs and they're ready for dropping
Oh Saddam Hussain, I wish there were 10 more like you
The troops may be leaving
But the Iraqis are fighting
Which means there's still money to be made today

Oh Blackwater
Keep on killing
Politician folk gonna keep on paying your bills
Oh Blackwater
Keep on killing
Politician folk gonna keep on paying your bills
Gonna keep on paying
Pretty momma, gonna keep on paying those bills

And we aren't there no more
'Cause Mercs don't wear a uniform

Well if you mind, I don't care
Don't make no difference to me
Just put those troops coming home on TV
Gonna hear some patriotic bands
And dance the Honky Tonk
While I'll be killing every Iraqi around

Oh Blackwater
Keep on killing
Politician folk gonna keep on paying your bills
Oh Blackwater
Keep on killing
Politician folk gonna keep on paying your bills
Gonna keep on paying
Pretty momma, gonna keep on paying those bills

And we aren't there no more
'Cause Mercs don't wear a uniform

Gonna hear some patriotic bands
And forget about the Mercs in foreign lands
Foreign lands
Take some foreign lands, pretty momma
Gonna pay those Mercs in foreign lands

Cartoon Villains Unite!

Is it just me, or does this photo of Newt and Ron Paul look a little too much like the Staypuff Marshmallow Man and Penguin?

Maybe its just me.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Three Cheers for the Red, White, and Screwed

Three Cheers to the Red, White, and Screwed
To those who believe we are leaving
With 16,000 more mercs on their way
We will see more US deaths another day

And to those who think Obama did this
To those so easily lead asunder
He tried to extend our stay
But they said "no way
Enough with the plunder"

So wrap yourself up in the flag
Pretend this is something worth celebrating
But you know as well as do I
This is a lie
We are just masturbating.

So three cheers to the Red, White, and Screwed
To the warhawks, both old and new
You have thrown the world into Hell
You did so well
And so fuck you

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

To the tune of "Frosty the Snowman"


Obama, the Spineless President
Still has an awful lot to learn
That when you're caught spying
The drone you can't ask to be returned
When Iran found it
You were busted once again
Acting like a Neocon
But you're different, let's all pretend
Then one sorry election year
The Republicans did say
Obama, with your flaws so bright
We will help you win election night
Then how the GOP loved him
As he carried out their policies
Obama, the Spineless President
You might as well be GOP

To the tune (again) of "American Woman" by the Guess Who

American Drone
Stay away from me
American Drone
Just let me be

Don't go hanging around my door
I am very aware of Amendment number 4
My privacy shouldn't be denied
Just so paranoia you can pacify

American Drone
Get away
American Drone
Don't record what I say

Asking for the military to be used
To spy on me should be refused
Fighting crime is just fine
But don't invade the rights that are mine

American Drone
Gotta getaway
Gotta getaway
Gotta leave
Gotta go

Monday, December 12, 2011

To the tune of "In the Still of the Night" by Whitesnake

In the town of Bedrock
I use my feet to stop my car
When I get home at the end of the day
In the town of Bedrock
When I get happy
"Yabba-Dabba-Doo" is what I say

In Mr Slate's Quarry
Is where I work
It's hard and takes it toll
But in the evening time
They call me "Twinkle Toes"
When with the Water-buffaloes I bowl

Now I just wanna get home tonight
And see my Wilma some more
But I got stuck outside screaming all night
Cause Dino locked me out of the door

In the town of Bedrock
In the town that I rock
I feel myself evolving
In the town of Beeeeeeeeeeddddddrrrrroooooccccckkkk!

Thursday, December 08, 2011

To the tune of "You're a Mean One, Mr Grinch"

You’re resilient, Mr Gingrich
You really won’t go away
You’re as stubborn as a burro
With a campaign in total disarray
Mr Gingrich
I’ll be amazed if you reach Election Day.

You're like fungus, Mr Gingrich
Kept out of the light and you grow
You're as electable as a puppet
Including the hand up your ass for the show
Mr Gingrich
I can't believe our expectations have gotten so low

Sunday, December 04, 2011

One story from my the wedding of my sister

Had an amazing weekend at my sister’s Wedding to her perfect man and I am happy to have him in our family, but that is not the purpose of this posting. This posting is to share a really funny moment I hope translates to text and isn't a “you had to be there moment.”

The wedding was held at a nature preserve and, as most nature preserves do, this one had a gift shop showcasing local artist to help raise money and this particular nature reserve was smart enough to keep it open on a night there was a weed ing reception with an open bar.

Anyone who knows me knows I am very uncomfortable in a social setting and this night I found myself staying with my big brother; I suppose finding security in his shadow. Anyway...I caught him looking at some of the art and debating buying something which, in my little brother state, had me looking at the art with a purchase in mind as well. I found myself standing before a scroll with a koi fish ying yang that was next to a larger copy of the same scroll (important to note there was a larger copy hanging).

As I was looking and pondering a purchase, my unle came up behind me and asked if I was buyi g something. After saying out loud “I think I I'll regret not buying it,” I bought the smaller version.

That was set up; now the story:

When not clinging to my big brother, I was spending time catching up with my two cousins whom I don't see very often. They have great senses of humor that, like mine, can often drift into “blue” territory. This time would be no different.

I sat at their table with my purchase in a bag. I don't use real names so I will call them Michelle and Liz.

Liz: what did you buy?
Me: A scroll with fish
Michelle: let’s see it
Liz: yeah, take it out
Me: Um...I know we’re Southern, but...

They caught it and it began: they were Office fans too and we began sharing our favorite “that’s what she said” moments and he innuendo kept escalating and escalating as did the laughter.

Finally, my mom walked up to the table and, while speaking of the scroll I bought, said “did you show it to your cousins yet, or should they see the big one in the hall?”

I stared at Michelle trying to refrain from saying anything...this was my MOTHER, but was such a fucking great set up. I saw my cousins had as many remarks flooding her mind as I did and they couldn't say anything because this was their aunt. We just sat silent and staring and holding the flood in.

As my mom turned to leave, we just lost it.

I hope this translated into a story and wasn't a moment.