Monday, September 28, 2015

Officially Worthless in Case of Zombie Apocalypse

Depressing headline, right?  Yes, I'm back and feeling better after my Hell Ride which I will discuss soon, but not today.   Today I am discussing a disappointing aspect of my colostomy bag: I am officially worthless in case of a zombie uprising.   And NO, I have not been training, but who doesn't dream?  

I grew up on dystopian fantasies from zombie movies to Mad Max films to Escape from New York to Metalstorm.   Yes, I admit to seeing Metalstorm.  And I always have that thought in the back of my mind; especially in hardware stores.  "Crowbar?  Yup, would need one of those.  Oh, look at that knife!  That would make me look bad ass!   Bet that sledgehammer would hurt a zombie or two. "  Like I'm the only one: admit it!

Anyway, with this colostomy bag, the apocalypse would really be a pain in the ass.   Sure, not having to stop to take shits would be advantageous, but the constant need of medical supplies would probably be hard to accommodate in the end times.   I could rinse out bags, sure, but the wafers that stick to my skin would eventually be no good and then what?   Duct tape?   Gorilla tape?   Sounds painful.

This kind of sucks.