Spoiler Free Look at The Killing Joke

I’m still not going to spoil the Killing Joke here, but I do feel the need to address why I love this story in light of the negative press it is once again receiving.    And much of this press is rightly deserved in my not so humble opinion as the writers made choices I personally wish they had not made.   The main writer has also expressed regret over some choices he made while writing it, so I am not alone in my critique, but  I also see how those choices do work  in the narrative of the story and actually makes sense in the demented outlook of the character driving the story.   They are choices I would not have made, but do not distract from the overall story for me.

What makes the Killing Joke unique and special to me is that Alan Moore took a character famous for his lack of motive and gave him a very strict focus; a purpose.   Joker was not out to “watch the world burn” as Nolan’s Joker did.   He is not engaging in some comical criminal plot as a device for a child’s cartoon.   He is not seeking vengeance or any other contrived comic book villain plot in any way, shape, or form this time.    This time he is seeking something everyone can relate too: understanding and vindication of who he became.   He needs to know that what he became is not his fault and that anyone would have followed his path if given his circumstances.   It is the most human motive I have seen for a comic villain outside of Magneto’s desire to prevent another holocaust.    It is a motive even Batman himself could relate to.

Again, without spoilers, Joker believes his life is the end result of “one bad day.”  He then surmises that Batman’s life is also a result of “one bad day.”  If “one bad day” can make Batman into Batman and Joker into Joker, then “one bad day’ should change anyone.   He finds the most honest person he can find, Commissioner Gordon, and subjects him to a truly bad day in the hopes of proving his theory correct, thus vindicating himself and showing that he could have just as easily been Batman and, more importantly, Batman could have just as easily become him.  It is the details of this “bad day” that have caused so much controversy around The Killing Joke, but it does fit within the context of the “bad day’ Joker himself suffered.  And yes, we do get an origin story for the Joker, but even he admits it could be pure fiction.

What makes the Killing Joke such a monumental comic and story is that the writers took two huge figures in American Mythology, a hero and a villain who traditionally are at odds with one another, and showed they were more alike than they were different.   It showed us that anyone could become a hero or a villain based on the circumstances of their lives and makes us wonder, if given the depths of that “one bad day” if we would be Joker, Batman, or Gordon when the day was over.

Killing Joke

How do I review a movie like The Killing Joke without ruining anything?   I can't really, so I won't try.   I will simply say it is as close to the source material as I have ever seen a movie get; almost too close, but to expand on that is to ruin part of the story.    I will simply say this is the perfect send off for Kevin Conroy and Mark Hamill.   As Batman and Joker respectively, they have defined the voices for generations and it is fitting that what started out as a kid's cartoon ends in this R-rated masterpiece some 26 years later.

Get it.  Buy it.   Rent it.  See it.

Nerd Mode Engaged: Marvel Comics Rant Initiated

Steve Rogers is a Nazi.  Oh, spoiler alert.   Take two...

So if asked the question "Are you now and have you ever been," it seems Steven "Captain America" Rogers must answer positive to both ends of that question.   Marvel comics just outed one of its flagship characters and icon of all that America stands for as a Nazi agent working for H.Y.D.R.A. (which I will explain in a moment for those who have not seen Winter Soldier, which is one of the few Disney Marvel movies I love) and not only is he NOW working for H.Y.D.R.A. (which I will just call "Nazis" from this point on because it is annoying to type their name), but he has ALWAYS worked for the Nazis dating back not only to his time during WW2, but it appears since birth.  He is, was, and the editors say "will be" an agent for the Nazis, but only the readers know this.  The Marvel editors recently even said:

This is not a clone, not an imposter, not mind control, not someone else acting through Steve.  This is really Steve Rogers, Captain America himself.

EW.com

Now, H.Y.D.R.A. (last time I am typing that fucking word!) was born from the death of the Nazis and was basically their "Plan B."  They infiltrated the American and Soviet governments via the Cold War's need for scientists and nasty weapons.   They then used their cover to keep America on the brink of war for decades while allowing acts of terrorism and minor wars to keep the people scared and willing to turn over more and more freedom in the name of security.   It was by this less aggressive means that the Nazis would eventually win WW2 and take over the world.

For the entire history of the comic book (Captain America pre-dates Marvel comics), Captain America has been all that stood between the Nazis and their end game.  To have him suddenly outed as a Nazi agent since day one would be akin to finding out James Bond has always been a double agent for S.P.E.C.T.R.E.   This only works if you ignore EVERY SINGLE STORY THAT HAS EVER BEEN TOLD ABOUT THIS CHARACTER SINCE THE DAY THEY WERE CREATED!    

And I'm not even going to get into the fact that this America Icon now deemed a Nazi was created by two Jewish writers because that has nothing to do with the narrative, but it is a slap in the face.

Back to the Nerd Mode:  I am going to use my favorite all time Marvel event to explain exactly why Captain America being a bad guy makes ZERO SENSE: the first Civil War.

In the comics, the break in the Marvel universe happened because a young group of heroes had a reality TV show and went after bad guys above their pay-grade in the name of ratings.   Needless to say, they were defeated, but one of the bad guys used his massive power and the fight ended with over 600 dead, including many children as the fight took place near a school.    The public outcry was quick and the government's response even quicker: All masked heroes must register with S.H.I.E.L.D and become government agents.    Iron Man agreed and became the main force behind getting heroes to register, while Captain America felt such an action violated freedom and put innocent people at risk.   He feared leaks, spies, or Nazi infiltration (which turned out to be the case in a later Marvel event), and he lead the resistance.   Both sides recruited whomever they could get; be it hero of villain, and the fight got nasty.    It ended with Captain America sacrificing himself and turning himself in, not because he was wrong, but in the name of restoring order and hoping for a more peaceful solution.

So...to recap: the Nazis were backed by the government and were gathering a database of every single good guy's secret identity and details of their families and it was Nazi Captain America who lead the fight AGAINST it?  Would it not have made more sense to the story if Iron Man was revealed to be a secret Nazi?

Here's my case for Iron Man being the H.Y.D.R.A. agent.  (I can't escape typing that damned word):

1. His father was a founding member of S.H.I.E.L.D and could have easily gotten his choice of former Nazis through clearance and into ranking positions within the organization.
2. His father had access to incredible advances in technology.  Having him secretly be a Nazi would explain the Stark Industries dominance in the world.
3. Captain America and Iron Man have rarely seen eye-to-eye and have often fought.
4. Tony Stark's personal life can almost be seen as a mockery of America culture and could be used by the organization whose name I am too lazy to type to foster unrest such as Occupy Wall Street.
5. The imagery of the Iron Man with the Iron Fist works far better to the oppression of that organization than Captain America with his Star-Spangled Shield.
6. The public would accept it better although the press would have been worse.

I fear the writers at Marvel are going for a specific reference rather than a general idea.  I fear they are commenting on this election cycle and that is not the place for comics IMHO.  

Comics are America Mythology.  Comics are us and these heroes represent our ideals just as the villains represent our fears.   They are nothing more, but nothing less than Roman and Greek Mythology and equally as important.    They tell tales of morality and conflicts of ideals that are timeless and eternal.   Within them are the lessons we teach our kids when they outgrow Mother Goose and Brother Grimm but are not yet ready for Grisham or Ludlum. 

I fear that Marvel is forgetting the deep importance of the comic medium in the name of scoring some fleeting points and sacrificing the greater story for a point in history that won't be as important in the grand scheme as the characters whose ideal and values they have now corrupted forever.    

You can't undo it.   Issue #1 is out, sold, and now part of Marvel History.   Captain America is now and always has been a Nazi.   The editors of Marvel just pissed on a rich history and perverted our mythology in the name of a few headlines.  

Not to mention the collective memories and fantasies and daydreams of how many thousands of children over the last 50 plus years?

Nice job!

Binary Choices Binary Loyalties

I'm a comic nerd.  I'm a political junkie.  I am a soda addict.  What do these three things have in common?  Binary loyalties.  Marvel or DC; Democrat or Republican; Coke or Pepsi.  Each side claims ideological purity while convinced the other side is pure evil at worst, or just plain wrong at best.   It helps ensure product loyalty and is a model we have seen these group further refine and limit.

We now see Republicans eat their own and Democrats eat their own; we see Captain America vs Ironman and Superman vs Batman.   It is only a matter of time before Coke and Diet Coke heads find themselves at full scale war as well I bet.

What of Dark Horse Comics?  What of Royal Crown Cola?  What of the Independent parties?  Non-factors the lot of them.  Each is simply something people who obviously don't care indulge in; or are fringe-sitters trying to show they are free thinkers; or maybe are just anarchists mocking us all,right?
 
Coke would dominate if it weren't for RC Cola diminishing their market control.   Marvel, with the backing of Disney, should just crush DC already, so why does DC keep ruining the market?   It is the Republican's fault we don't like the Democrat candidate, right?    It is surprising how easy it is to overlook one's own shortcomings when they can focus their hate and blame on something else.

People don't realize the popularity of things like Trump, Sanders, Deadpool, etc are that they are not par for the course...a course we are all sick of playing.   These are fresh options: not remakes, reboots, or prequels.   They are, for better or worse, evolution of old concepts..even cliches of them in many ways really.    Sanders is a return to the old FDR Democratic values for better or worse.   Trump is a return to the Know-Nothing Isolationist America First crowd.  Both were responses to a dissatisfaction with the status quo and each transformed politics.

I'm a Marvel guy, but I dig DC.  Joker is my  favorite comic character and he isn't a Marvel character.   I am a Left leaner, but am not a Democrat and have voted Republican in the past.   I love Diet Coke only and that the flaw in my point, but the rest of it all stands: we need to look outside the box because the box was created by those eager to keep us limited in our choices.

If you limit your choices to only "left" or "right," you will miss moving forward.

TV Writers SUCK!

I have a love-hate relationship with some TV shows, like most people.   I seem to lean towards the "loving to hate" crowd, but I still have affection for those shows I quit watching in disgust.   I think shows just go on too long today.   I am thinking about this today because I read about how Castle ended its eight year run and it pretty much sums up much of my problems.

Now I am not a Castle fan although I did watch the show from time to time.   As a fan of Firefly, I wanted to support Nathan "Capt Mal"  Fillion on his new show, but I am not a fan of police shows, so it didn't keep my focus; I still followed spoilers and reviews.     When I heard it was ending its run, I was curious to find out how they would end the show and, upon finding out, I am glad I didn't invest in the show.  WTF kind of ending is that?   I'm not spoiling Castle for you, but I am going to have to spoil others show in this rant.  Be warned.

Television writers suck!   There, I said it.   They think of themselves as master story tellers who are able to spin multi-year long story arcs, but they are just television writers.  They deal with episodes, not long arcs.  If they could deal with long arcs, they would be movie writers.

Upon reflection on that paragraph, I can't fully blame the writers as the medium is not conducive to long story lines really.  Yes, Netflix, Hulu, Amazon, and the concept of binge watching has made it easier for TV to tell long stories, but the nature of the format really doesn't allow that kind of commitment.  A show could be canceled at any moment, like with Castle, and then the writers lose their ability to finish a story they started.   It gets shortened, altered, and made to fit to an already established narrative and comes across almost 100% of the time as a band-aid tacked on ended.   It is rare for a show like Babylon Five or Lost to get promised seasons to finish their tales, but still- the writers suck!  See Lost for an example of still screwing it all up.

What Castle has done is made me reflect on Walking Dead and how pissed I am at those writers.   If Walking Dead does what Castle just did, I see full scale riots in the Atlanta streets.  Imagine the last Walking Dead episode showing Rick waking up from his first episode coma and the entire series was just a coma-dream.    Only Bob Newhart can get away with an ending like that, but based on how these writers treat their show, I can not rule out such an ending.

I think the writers don't keep good notes on what they have done with their characters so far.   Maybe the sheer fact that these show go on and on and on make those notes almost impossible to keep track of.   How many plot points do you notice being left hanging like a chad in Florida?

 I can't be the only one who has noticed Simpsons now flashback to the 90's, a period when the show was already on and episodes from then counter story plots from today.   I can't be the only one who notices the Walking Dead writers clearly have no clue what they are doing and are using fan forums to plot the show.   I can't be the only one who notices that Castle clearly was setting up a season ending cliffhanger and, upon being canceled, was too lazy and had too little respect for the fans to bother altering their intended ending and, instead tacked on a lazy happy ending.

We need to stop giving our love to these shows until they start giving us love.   We are why they are on.  We are why they do what they do.   We need to stop being taken for granted by lazy hacks who are just winging it.   These characters, more than movie characters, become part of our shared pop cultural history and we owe it to future generations to make sure they have quality American mythology and folklore.

Kanrei's Episode Three

I am quite happy with my Special Edition plots for the Star Wars prequels; about as happy as most who write fan-fiction are with their work which I realized I had done, so I am going to elaborate on the one scene I really would love to see: the betrayal of the Jedi in my version.

I don't change much in how it ends as far as Vader and Obi Won's fates, but how it happens changes greatly.   I see the Jedi on a volcanic planet being lead down a dark valley by Vader and Obi Won with Vader in the lead.   Vader and Obi Won have joined them to help clear the name of the Jedi after the terrorist attack of the last movie was blamed on them.   It is believed the real source of the attack is hiding on this planet.   As the Jedi pass the pitch black walls of valley, above them, one by one, red light saber blades start to emerge.  They don't notice at first as slowly over 100 blades begin glowing above the 20 remaining Jedi.   It becomes clear the Sith were waiting and this is a trap.

As the Jedi begin to notice the glowing red blades of the Sith, Obi Won also notices Vader has moved about 20 feet away from the pack of Jedi with his back to them.  Obi Won calls out to his student to be careful as Vader slowly turns around to face Obi Won with a smirk on his lips and his own red bladed light saber is unleashed spelling out to Obi Won exactly what has happened.  Without hesitation, Obi Won launches a full assault on Vader allowing his rage to take over and the Sith overpower and slaughter the Jedi.  Vader's smile grows as he taunts Obi Won with the fact that it was Obi Won's uncontrolled rage that made Palpentine pick him to train Vader.   It was Obi Won's style of being a Jedi that allowed the Sith to infiltrate the Jedi Order.  It was Obi Won's trust that lead to the downfall of the Republic and it was Obi Won's friendship that blocked his ability to see any of it.    The more Vader taunts, the more rage Obi Won feels, and this rage forces Obi Won to not just defeat Vader, but to mutilate him all while screaming and revealing his own personal feelings for Padame, feelings he didn't even know he felt.  In a final act of vengeance against his former student,  Obi Won purposely leaves what is left of Vader alive.

Yoda, who has been missing since the first movie contacts Obi Won to come to the Dagobah system and bring Padame with him.   He infers it is her children who are the only hope for the galaxy.   Yoda further reveals Vader only knows about one child, not the twins, and that he knows it is a son.   It is decided it is best to separate the twins with the one Vader doesn't know exists remaining in the Republic to learn the insides of the system while Obi Won would go into hiding and would  watch over the son, eventually contacting him to reveal his true place in the galaxy.

My Star Wars Prequel Special Edition Plot

Been thinking about the Prequels and I think we need to Special Edition them.

Phantom Menace would introduce the true Jedi Knights. They would wear armor sort of like the Stormtrooper's wear, but slightly different to show their higher rank. Obi Won would be assigned by the leader of the government a new student named Anikan Vader to train. Anikan would have a secret assignment as well that would slowly be revealed where he was to commit an act of terrorism against the Republic that would appear like the Jedi did it. The first movie would expand on and explain the possible rift between the Jedi and the Republic; possibly Yoda sensing evil in the Republic's leader. Padame would be introduced, but not sure of her role. First movie ends with the Jedi being sent off by Palpatine (except Obi Won and Anikan who are assigned to protect Palpatine) to deal with a created crisis far from the capital. At no time is it spelled out Anikan or Palpatine are evil, but it is hinted at.

Second movie starts with the Jedi heroically dealing with the created crisis as the terrorist act they are to be blamed for happens at home. Palpatine makes a speech condemning the Jedi for leaving and hinting they may have been behind the attack. The rift between Obi Won and Anikan starts as Obi Won knows something is not right, but Anikan defends Palpatine. As Palpatine expands his power to protect the Republic from the Jedi threat (and crushing those he deems pro-Jedi), the surviving Jedi start to make their way home unaware of the changing climate. Ends with the audience seeing Obi Won starting to fall for Anikan's lies about Palpatine thanks to Padame's defense of Anikan.


Third movie opens with Obi Won and Anikan linking up with the remaining Jedi under the guise of coming to aid them as they have now become aware they were set up. It is mentioned Padame is pregnant back home with Ankian's child. Obi Won goes to hear their side, but Anikan has been sent to lead the Jedi into a trap. Anikan and Obi Won lead the Jedi to a volcanic planet in the name of clearing their name, only to suddenly expose a Sith army lying in wait for the Jedi. It is at this moment Obi Won realizes how he was betrayed by Anikan and the slaughter beings. Obi Won is the only Jedi to escape, deforming and almost killing Anikan in the process. Palpatine rewards Anikan's loyalty by saving him and promoting him to the title of Darth; Dark Lord of the Sith while Obi Won takes Padame, who unknown to Darth Vader, gave birth to twins. One twin, a daughter, is kept right under Vader's nose while the other, a son, is sent off to live on a far distant desert planet and given to a family with the name "Skywalker." Vader knows he has a son, but not a daughter.

Obi-Wan is the True Villain

So we all think we know Star Wars so well.   We think that first movie tells us the story that is continued in the rest of the saga, but what if we are wrong.   We already know George Lucas loves to alter his work and change the story on a whim, so what if we never really saw Star Wars (that first one so long, long ago in a theater far, far away) for what it was?    What if those "Rebels" were really terrorists and Luke Skywalker was simply a tool being used and manipulated by a bitter soldier from the losing side?  Think I'm crazy?  Challenge accepted.

First and foremost I must recap the legend of Obi-Wan.  Obi-Wan "Ben" Kenobi is the last of the Jedi Knights; an order of mystic warriors who acted as a sort of Police Force for the government.   A student of Obi-Wan's turned against the Jedi, slaughtered them, and forced Obi-Wan to fight and defeat him and go into hiding.  The end.  Sounds heroic, right?  I agree, but myths often are.  

When we first see Ben as he is now being called, he is a hermit on an obscure desert planet, supposedly in hiding and he comes across a young man who he saves and let's it be known he has been watching this boy and knew this boy's father who he says was killed  in the Jedi slaughter.    He promises to teach this boy all about his father and help him avenge his father's death.  Still good, right?  The only problem is that this is all a lie and I don't mean some of it; I mean all of it.

First things first and should be quite obvious is that Obi-Wan "Ben" Kenobi is not in hiding at all.  For one thing, he is still using the name "Kenobi" and more importantly is still wearing his Jedi uniform.    This is not obvious in the first movie and probably not intended, but as the series continued we learned that Ben's desert attire wasn't just what one wears in the desert as we first assumed, but was the uniform of the Jedi, an order extinct in the universe.  How in hiding are you if you are using your name and still wearing your uniform some 30 years later?   The Jedi slaughter and growth of the Empire wasn't exactly some small and unknown event.  If the remaining Jedi were being hunted, then why is he  using his name and wearing his uniform?   What kind of insane freak still wears the uniform of a defunct army 30 years after the war?   Wouldn't someone say "look, isn't that a Jedi?"

Next we have Princess Leia's mission.  Star War opens with the Rebel ship fleeing a gigantic Star Destroyer (possibly the coolest opening in movie history).   The ship becomes damaged and the Princess sneaks stolen information off the ship and it lands on a random planet.   This planet just happens to be where the guy she was looking for was in hiding AND the son of the bad guy she is fighting happens to live.    The means she uses to get said plans off her ship happens to be the robot made by the bad guy when he was a child.   How many coincidences do you need before pattern emerges?  Her ship doesn't slow down due to damage, it stops because they arrived at their destination.   The robots were brought along because it was known Obi-Wan would recognize the robots of his former pupil.   Basically, more evidence he was never in hiding at all.

After Ben saves Luke, he takes Luke to his home and begins telling Luke the story of his father.   He tells Luke his father was a great pilot and a hero; he paints a picture of a man Luke instantly falls in love with as it fills every dream a fatherless son has of who their dad was.   He then tells Luke that Darth Vader betrayed and murdered his father and hands Luke his father's old sword.   Come on!  He flat out lied and manipulated Luke to find and kill his own father.   Basically, Obi-Wan's final revenge on his former pupil is to have the son kill the father.   What a demented sick old bastard!   Darth Vader isn 't even the "Big Bad" of Star War, but only a lackey of Tarkin.   Killing Vader does nothing to aid the rebellion against the Empire: this is a personal vendetta Kenobi has against Vader with Luke a tool.

It is funny in an ironic way how Lucas altered his story so much that his heroes have become villains and terrorists.

I hope I have some friends left after reading this.

The Devious Evil of Oz

So I have come to realize the Wizard of Oz and Glenda, the “Good” Witch are actually manipulative villains who misled Dorothy into a war she had no business in with false promises and empty powers: sound familiar?    I’m shocked to be honest.  I always knew Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was the story of a homicidal child killer who set traps and then invited kids into his “Fun House of Horror” to watch them fall victim to their own weakness, but I thought the Wizard of Oz, while really just a man behind a curtain, was at least good; not so.    Hang on kids…

 

We all know the general tale, so I am not going to recap it, but there are aspects we need to revisit: for example, the start of Dorothy’s adventure in Oz.   Glenda and the Wizard were in a battle for control of Oz with the “Wicked” witches of the East and West prior to Dorothy's arrival.   Dorothy just happened to get caught up in a tornado that ripped her house out of Kansas and placed it, of all places, directly on half of Glenda and the Wizard’s arch-nemesis?   And notice Glenda just happened to be there when Dorothy landed?   Coincidence?  Hardly!   Glenda was there to do a job: get the shoes off the dead Witch and onto Dorothy’s feet so the sister Witch will assume Dorothy murdered her; send her off to meet a “wizard” who has the power to send her home and escape this madness knowing full well the wizard had no such powers.   Glenda the “Good” witch is introduced with a murder, a manipulation, and a lie to a 13 year old girl she just tricked into aiding her war.    And that is just the start of the tale!

The center of the land of Oz, home of the Great and Powerful Wizard, is known as the Emerald City; sounds great right?    Except the city is surrounded by a gigantic wall and a locked door being guarded by the most rude and obnoxious gatekeeper who refuses anyone access reflexively.    And the Emerald City is surrounded by poppy fields that put anyone who enter it into a deep coma-like sleep.   Sounds real inviting right?    And you have to get through a forest full of human hating mobile trees just to get to that poppy field trap; Oz ain't a wonderland.

The Witch is wicked, right?   How do we know that?   All we know is she is after Dorothy for the murder and robbery of her sister and all she wants is the return of her sister's shoes.    That's evil?   Compared to the Wizard who took advantage of a 13 year old girl with promises he couldn't fulfill only on the condition she would also murder the sister Witch; this time premeditated murder no less?   This Wizard's help is to turn a child into a cold-blooded killer!    And who does he send with her?   A moron, a lazy woodsman, and a coward.    He could have, in theory, prepared them for the trip being a great and powerful wizard, but instead sends her on her way with a moron, a slacker, and a coward: a 13 year old girl!

Now then, a spoiler you should all know is that the entire story actually takes place in Dorothy's head, so that should mitigate the evil of Oz, right?  Hardly.  What that fact does it place Dorothy in direct competition with Alice for the most insane character in literature.   I mean if Dorothy based everyone she met in Oz on a real life person she knew, that means she thinks of them as manipulative, evil, cowardly, stupid, lazy, and eager to take advantage of a child for their own purposes.    

"There's No Place Like Home?"

Maybe, but given how she saw home, is that a good thing?

Why Now?

Donald Trump being Trump....

Hulk Hogan removed from the WWE...

Fox News vs Jon Stewart...


WHY DO I HAVE TO HAVE OTHER THINGS ON MY MIND NOW?!  This is not fair!   Those are like Kanrei's Treats and I can imagine the rants I would be on right now if not for this stupid annoying 7/30/13 crap on my mind!

Oh, the PET scan came back great and the operation is on for August 13th!

A Slightly Obsessive Fan's Anal Retentive Review of Mad Max: Road Fury

My name is Kanrei and I have a problem: I can't leave baggage at home when I see a franchise film or TV show.   I am cursed with a clear memory of the canon of the story and I end up falling in love with the most minute  details as I piece together how they combine to form the characters I love.   That is a disclaimer before you read my review.   That said, here we go...

I finally got around to seeing the newest Mad Max movie; Road Fury starring Charlize Theron and Tom Hardy and written/directed by Mad Max creator George Miller.  I have to be honest: I was mostly unimpressed if I viewed it as an entry into the franchise, but enjoyed it as a stand alone movie.

Now that said, I do go into the series with a lot of baggage and that definitely had a major influence on my enjoyment of the movie.    To give you an idea: my Empire Strikes Back era Han Solo action figure had his left left wrapped in masking tape the moment Road Warrior ended and he was christened Mad Max from that point on.  Every time my Star Wars and GI Joe toys came out to play, it was always a post-apocalyptic setting they were playing in.   The Star Wars figures no longer fought the Empire and GI Joe didn't care about Cobra; it became every man for himself in a battle for survival.   The weaker figures banded together into gangs, but the heroes were always alone.  Even my Matchbox and Hot Wheels toys found renewed value to me as I re-created the final scenes of Road Warrior over and over again and made up my own versions.

Star Wars was huge for me, but Mad Max introduced a new style of story that I just feel in love with much like the Zombie fans of today.   I even dressed up as Max to get a chance to see Beyond Thunderdome a day early for free at Sunniland Theater.   I think I have a photo of it somewhere, but no scanner so no copies here.  Sorry.   Yes, it is safe to say Max and I go way back so it is also safe to say I was very excited to hear George Miller was returning to the world I so loved as a kid.

The baggage one would expect a long time fan to bring to this movie is that a new actor was, for the first time, playing the role of ex-cop desert wandering Max Rockatansky.    The antics of Mel Gibson (the original Max) over the last decade or so made it fairly easy for me to not mind that he was out of the story.  I would probably keep wondering if his "madness" was mostly intoxication and would be waiting for him to ask the bad guy if he was Jewish.   And we all know there would be an extensive torture scene because I think that is a rider in any and all Mel Gibson movies.   I'm getting off subject...

The new Mad Max didn't bother me because this is a new movie introducing a 30 year old character to a new audience.   Mel's Max would be more about a geriatric ex-bad ass and just the fact he was still alive would be impressive enough.   Old men driving could be interesting if you like chase scenes at 15 miles per hour, but I don't think it would be effective in a 2 hour large screen event.   How many bathroom breaks would they have to have?

I don't know Tom Hardy.  I think he played Bane in the last Batman movie, so I had a clean slate with him.   I was ready for a new Max and it was way easier to me to accept that I expected.   To be honest, just the thought of it being George Miller returning to this world made me giddy like a 12 year old again.   The man who made the greatest action movies of my childhood started making movies about talking pigs, so his return was beyond a dream in the shock factor.   Who ever comes back from kid movies?   How would he return from CGI wonderlands and did he even want to?   Can you go home again?   Actually, yes you can on most fronts, but not entirely as even Max is subject to Hollywood trends and other successful franchise influence.

I will try to avoid spoilers, but some are inevitable for me to really talk about the problems I had with the movie.  I promise I will be as vague as possible with plot details and will not discuss the third act at all.   Consider this a review of the first 2/3rds.

The first and biggest problem was that Max was mainly pointless to the movie and the role seemed to be "generic action hero" at times, but mostly just "audience surrogate" so we have a character to follow.   He was mostly in the way and the few times he actually served a purpose to the story, it was out of character for the Max character we have known since the 70's.   While he was the best behind the wheel of a car, his use of firearms has always traditionally been problematic.   I can only think of two times he successfully used a firearm in the first three movies.   It is actually a running joke that the shotgun he waved around in Road Warrior was actually empty and the few times he found a shell, it was a dud.   It was a joke they included once in this new movie, but for the most part this Max was just an amazing marksman with a pistol while driving.

Now I know kids today have grown up in a world where everyone with a gun is a bad ass straight out of a video game, but Max was always more of a "Die Hard" type hero.   He was not looking to save anyone, just survive.  Like John McCain, he would actually go out of his way to avoid a fight if at all possible.   Not so with this Max.  They try to have a scene where they want you to think he doesn't care for anyone, but you knew given the time it happens in the film that he was going to go against the character we knew and help out of the kindness of his heart and not for the reward of his actions.

The plot of the movie revolves around a harem being stolen from a warlord and the warlord's attempt to get it back, but is wasn't Max who stole them; it was a new character to the series and actually the main focus of the action for the most part.   When the action needed it, he would become the uber hero of action movie mythology, but for the most part it was Charlize Theron's movie.   They even altered Max's back story from a dead son to a dead daughter to try and make some sort of empathetic bond with the plight of the harem.  I wouldn't mind him helping them if he got fuel, weapons, or a car out of the deal, but helping them just to help them doesn't fit a character that was willing to let an entire colony fall in Road Warrior if they didn't give him all the fuel he could carry for his help.   Maybe George Miller did make children's movies for too long and forgot how to make a truly cold hero in the style of Eastwood's "Man with No Name."

The main problem I had with the film was that there was nothing to tell me this was Max.   It really could have been anybody in Max's place and the story would have been the same.   I'm not even totally sure this is Max's world either to be honest.  Robotic arms?  Villains in cartoon skull masks?  Blood transfusions on cars?   A rock band on a car?   Fuel is no longer an issue (the central theme of the Mad Max movies) as there seems to be tons of it, but water is in short supply and mutations and tumors are running amok.  

I know the opening credits said Tom Hardy as Max Rockatansky and I briefly saw the famous V-8 Interceptor and he did have a brace on his left knee, but that was about it.  The brace on his knee due to a shotgun blast removing his kneecap was an issue in the movies that followed the shot, but not in this one.   He could run and catch up with cars, leap from exploding vehicles, and every other action hero staple we expect from movies today.   This was more Mad Max as envisioned by Sylvester Stallone or Arnold Schwarzenegger than as seen by the George Miller of the past.

All that said, the people I saw it with who had no such baggage loved it.   It starts with action and never lets up.   Their only complaint was ironically one thing I loved: they don't give you any real back story or narrative to catch you up on the series.   You really have no idea where in the series this movie takes place and that is a great aspect for people just getting into it.

Mad Max is a great character and I am very happy to see his return.   I am so happy he is back that I am going to see the next one on opening day and try my best to leave all my baggage at home.

Eaten Alive- 70's Cheese

Wow did I watch a bad movie last night: Tobe Hooper’s Eaten Alive. Now I am a Tobe Hooper fan for the record. Besides Texas Chainsaw Massacre (both 1 and 2), Salem’s Lot, and The Funhouse (all horror classics), he is the man who Steven Spielberg turned to for a director of what is still the best haunted house movie ever made; Poltergiest. But Eaten Alive, his second movie, is trash…fun trash, but trash. Such trash in fact that I needed a shower after I saw it to get the stench of it off me. What else can you say about a movie where the first spoken line is Robert England saying “My name is Buck and I’m here to fuck?” Yes, this is where Tarantino got that famous line in Kill Bill Vol 1 from.

The pattern is basically this: girl goes to swamp motel (why?) and Judd (the innkeeper) gets horny. She turns him down so he feeds her to his crocodile. Another girl comes with man. Judd kills man, feeds man to his crocodile, kidnaps girl, forgets about her for most of the movie, and kills others who come to have sex at his swamp motel (why?) Repeat until clean which won’t ever happen while watching this movie.

Here’s the thing about Eaten Alive; it is just so damned weird that makes you stick around until the end. The sets, costumes, lighting, everything works…even the over the top acting. The couple that arrives with their girl and dog (actually named Snoopy) obviously has a very interesting back story, but Hooper ain’t going to tell you any of it. All you need to know is the husband is a nut, the wife is a bitch, the daughter is a whiner, and the dog is croc-food. Then there is Judd…

Like other Hooper villains, he is insane, but is lucid in his insanity. He knows he is totally gone and enjoys that fact. He almost seems as bewildered as the audience as to why people keep coming to his swamp motel (why?). He rambles to himself about nothing which is the bulk of the script and has zero back story. Not that Hooper isn’t a story teller, but like the couple, and Buck, and everyone else in this movie, what happened before the credits are not a factor in the tale. In fact, what happens after the opening credits is not a factor either: it is just a ride of weirdness, cheese, and a healthy does of 70’s Grindhouse Misogyny.

I cannot recommend this movie to most people, which would mean I heavily DO recommend it to some. If you loved MST3K, this is the movie for you. It provides an endless supply of joke set ups. Get drunk; get high; get friends and have fun.

The best part of this movie is finding the source of "My name is Buck and I love to fuck."   

A Little Humor

The Man Should Forever Have to Live This Down.

Review: Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band @ Bank Atlantic Center 1/12/12

70’s reborn! That is about the sum total of it.

I would love to open with a full review of the opening act, but I can’t really as they never told us who they were. OK, to be fair, I was a bit late and heard the start of their first song as I got to the fourth floor of the Bank Atlantic Center, but still as an opening act one would assume they would remind us who they were once or twice during their set. They instead just said random rock Cliches like “Ft Lauderdale!” and “Bob Seger folks!” We know where we are and who we came to see; we need to know who you are! They then closed their set with the ultimate rock cliché by playing a song for our troops.

While a song for the troops is noble, playing Creedence Clearwater’s Fortunate Son is not the song to play. I love the song personally and was glad to hear it, but the “for the troops” kept repeating in my head as the lead singer sang the lyrics “some folks are born made to wave the flag…but it ain’t me.” I kept being reminded of those poor people who think Born in the USA is a pro-America song, but never bothered to pay attention to the actual lyrics. This band did not have the luxury of that excuse as they sang them 100% correct. They just didn’t get the song and anyone who knows me and how I am with lyrics knows this was totally distracting for the rest of the opening act. Actually made me think of Nirvana who sang: He’s the one who likes all our pretty songs and he loves to sing along, but he don’t know what it means.

However…this is a review of Bob Seger. It is a sign of poor writing that I have spoken so far of an unknown opening act, CCR, Springsteen, and Nirvana and have not yet got to the Detroit Rock Star himself. I will correct that now.

Bob Seger is a man I never knew what he looked like to begin with and my only real exposure to his songs are via the live albums, so I thought I knew what to expect and I was promised not to be disappointed by his older appearance. I was wrong on the first count and never saw beyond a gray blur on a black body thanks to my 40 year old vision. The audio of a Bob Seger show I knew was only 30% of the experience. The man and his band know how to put on a show. It didn’t matter where you looked on the stage at any time; each member of the band was performing and giving it their all. And there were about 15 people on the stage from his back up singers to his horn section to his band.

The songs were just one hit after another with no filler tunes save for one new song towards the end of his set, but the man can’t do just “Turn the Page” forever…well, he actually could. My friend and I would comment after each song ended “that could have been the encore!” Most bands would be lucky to have a song like “Old Time Rock and Roll” or “Fire Down Below” to close a set with, but Bob has so many hit songs that those were placed early in his set with bigger hits following. Even the previously mentioned “Turn the Page” didn’t earn encore status which gave it an amazing “out of nowhere” feel as I really expected it to be at least the closer.

I must take a moment here to speak about Alto Reed. Alto has been with Bob Seger since 1971 and the man IS the show. He moves nonstop with these funky dance steps and his sax solos empower every song he touches. As much as Bob’s singing, Alto’s sax IS “Turn the Page” and as much as I wanted to watch Bob do his thing, Alto kept stealing my attention.

And the crowd…I posted on Facebook from the show “Cougars, and Bikers, and Hicks…Oh My” and that about sums it up. My beard and bald spot fit in perfectly which was actually nice for a change at a concert. The only problem was the quality of the pot they smoked. I did not partake at all, but the aroma of cheap dirt weed was rather pathetic given the age of the crowd. Shows I go to with younger crowds has better smelling herb and it isn’t a concert until you smell that first joint. You know that is true.

Overall, I am so happy I got to see Bob Seger and am more than happy that even 40 years later, he still seems to love every moment on the stage playing the same songs he has for 40 years. He sounds exactly like he always did, but given his voice was never operatic to begin with, that really wasn’t too shocking.

Go see him if you get the chance. You will be more than happy.

Setlist:

1. Roll Me Away
2. Tryin' to Live My Life Without You (Otis Clay cover)
3. The Fire Down Below
4. Mainstreet
5. Old Time Rock & Roll
6. Ramblin' Gamblin' Man
7. Hey Hey Hey Hey (Goin' Back to Birmingham)(Little Richard cover)
8. Travelin' Man
9. Beautiful Loser
10. We've Got Tonight
11. Nutbush City Limits (Tina Turner cover)
12. Come to Poppa
13. Her Strut
14. Real Mean Bottle (Vince Gill cover)
15. Turn the Page
16. Sunspot Baby
17. Katmandu
Encore:
18. Against the Wind
19. Hollywood Nights
Encore 2:
20. Night Moves
21. Rock and Roll Never Forgets

Manuh-Ma-WAH! Twilight Stole My Muppets

How many fucking theaters do you need to show Twilight? Is it that important to you to break a box office record that you must have a showing every 30 minutes? And more importantly: DID YOU HAVE TO TAKE SO MANY THEATERS THAT MY MUPPETS MOVIE WAS A) LIMITED TO 3 SHOWINGS A DAY AND B) NOT SHOWN IN 3D? What is the point of a Muppets 3D movie when it isn't being shown in 3D? And I am not exaggerating about Twilight showings either; it was ever half hour which took at least what, 6 theaters to pull off with a 3 hour movie?

Steve Jobs...

It just dawned on me that we didn't just lose Steve Jobs the other day; we lost the last great American pioneer. He was our last Edison, Einstein. We lost someone who not only saw how the world could/should be, but someone with the drive and ability to actually shape the world and someone who cared enough about the world to not use this drive and ability for nefarious or self-serving purposes. Yes, he did grow rich on the back of his innovations, but he did more good than 99.9% of those with even half his means.

I was never an Apple fan, but I was a Steve Jobs fan and I mourn not only the loss of him, but of the future's loss of what he had planned for it.

Review: Shark Night 3D

Short version: ...

Longer version: I am still in shock from the experience of seeing "Shark Night 3D." I have never seen a movie THIS bad before in my life and I love bad movies. I am someone who, at least half the time, had seen the movie MST3K was mocking prior to the episode. This was not a movie so much as 3 different thirds of three different movies someone found laying around a studio and decided to make them into a movie.

While I don't believe in "Spoilers," in this case they are actually "Friendly Warning Signs" to keep you from making the mistake I made.

First Third: This is the set up for an 80's Slasher movie ALA Friday the 13th. Our heroes (who will be known as "Shark Food" for the rest of this review) meet up at college to go for a long weekend in the small town where one of the group went for summers as a kid, but a tragedy has kept her from going there for 3 years.

Our first introduction to this small town (after a five minute high speed montage of every single road the shark food took to get there from their college campus) is with a pick up truck pulling next to our lone Black character and his Hispanic girlfriend. Naturally this truck contains racist locals and naturally a history with our "summers as a kid" shark food emerges and blocks a confrontation. Nothing like pointless land-based drama in a shark movie.

30 minutes in and only one pre-credit shark attack so far for those keeping score at home.

Our shark food arrives at the house on an island and the slasher film ends with our "summers as a kid" shark food telling the appetizers that their cell phones won't work; creating the perfect setting for a slasher like Jason, but this is a shark movie.

Helpful Hint: If you want to make a horror movie not based in the 80's, you have to set it someplace where cell phones don't work.

Second Third: This is what one expects from the FIRST ACT of a shark movie; skiing, girls with tight bodies in bikinis, a dog playing fetch in the water, poorly done CGI fins following people ominously and point of view shots from underwater. All it was missing was the "duh-nuh" music from Jaws...and the suspense...and the plot.

Normally, too much explanation in a horror movie distracts from the actual story, but in this case it would be nice to know why one of every species of shark is in this river/lake and why they are attacking humans so fiercely. Hammerheads, Great Whites, and Nurses are not that common. The "Katrina put them here" story didn't work for me in the slightest.

Now then, one goes to a shark movie for the kills, right? Someone should have told the director this little factoid. Maybe I got spoiled by the prolonged and graphic kills of Piranha, but this movie's kills consisted of shark food on jet ski; shark jumps from water; jet ski left alone; the end. If the CGI shark looked less like something I fought in the Atari 2600's Jaws game, I might have been happy with the kills. Sharks jumping out of water is pretty cool to watch as Shark Week proves, but come on. More than half the time the camera wasn't even aimed at the kill. Considering the sharks were placed in the shots with computers, there is no excuse for the camera missing the vital and cool parts we all went to see.

Third Third: STRONG SPOILERS AHEAD

The third act is where this shark movie (pardon the pun) jumped the shark. Our local racists from the first act return and the movie turns once again; this time into a "revenge thriller" as our locals are behind the attacks all along. Seems three years ago "summers as a kid" shark food and racist local were an item until she accidentally sliced his face open with a propeller while they were diving together. Now he isn't cute anymore and wants revenge and is using the sharks to kill her friends.

While that would be a decent story, it is not the real reason for the events of this movie, just a side-motivation. The real reason is even dumber...remeber I spoke of "Shark Week" before? See, our racist locals attach cameras to the sharks (how is never explained) and film the attacks to sell online because "Shark Week is the most watched cable event and some people will pay to see the real thing." Even the sheriff is involved.

How did they know "summers as a kid" shark food would return out of the blue? How did they get the sharks? How did they attach the cameras to the sharks? How did they get the sharks to attack on command? Unimportant questions only a lucid audience would ask and the makers of this movie clearly intended to lull the audience into a coma of accepting any nonsense they threw on the screen.

I cannot stress how bad this movie was, and not in a "let's go see how bad this movie is" way. Stay far away from this horrible disaster of a movie.

To give you an idea of just how bad it is: I got in with a free pass and wanted my money back.

Simon Rumley’s “Red White & Blue”- A Sort of Review

I watched this movie on Friday night and have tried for the past 3 days to figure out how I can sell this movie to you without ruining it. It has a very slow and seemingly pointless first hour that leads to an intense last 30 minutes that has left me still in a state of slight shock and made me watch the entire movie again as soon as it ended. Here is the little I can tell you:

Erica (played by Amanda Fuller) cleans a half-way house and sleeps around. One night she meets Franki (played by Marc Senter) who is a drummer in a local band. She later meets Nate (played by Noah Taylor) who lives in the half-way house and is an Iraqi war vet. Their lives cross, and then cross again; people end up dead in horribly, yet incredibly simplistic ways; and nobody is really what they seem.

I know all the above sounds incredibly cliché', and it would be if not for the haunting score and inventive direction of Simon Rumley. Trust me when I say this movie will stay with you long after you have watched it and most of what you thought you saw will change upon reflection.

Like Jack Ketchum's Red, this is a Southern bred revenge story where the character drama is so engrossing....I really need to stop before I give too much away.

"Red, White, and Blue" is streaming on Netflix and you will not be sorry you saw it.

Brief View on Scre4m (AKA Scream 4)

Brief View: That sucked eggs.

Longer View: No, that really sucked eggs and the eggs were rotten to begin with. I thought I was watching a parody of the Scream movies rather than an actual Scream flick. I mean the actors were there from the other Scream movies, and the mask was there, and the voice, the knife, the clumsy killer, but the frights...not so much.

To give you an idea how bad it was, I saw it on a Saturday night on opening weekend and, even though the theater was three-quarters full of teens, it was silent for the entire length of the movie. Seriously, not a single scream or shriek or even gasp for the entire runtime of this supposed "horror" movie.

I am not even going to go on with this review. It would be pointless. I am just not in the mood to be as negative as would be required to do this wreck of an insult of a parody of a horror movie. That alone should tell anyone who knows me just how horrid this movie was as I love to rag on weak movies. This was just bad, horrible, and not even good enough to mock.

There was one redeeming factor: I used a free pass so I didn't have to pay for this insult to my senses.

Brief View on Hanna

Brief View: Damn Fun

Longer View: I saw Hanna this weekend. I will not spoil anything story wise, mainly because I can't; there really isn't much of one: a girl who can kill on the run from a government agency. Think Bourne Identity mixed with La Femme Nikita with sprinkles of Run, Lola Run and The Professional liberally spread all over. Basically, the makers of this movie were obviously real big Luc Besson fans and made a very effective tribute to the director.

While the story is weak and more a method to get from one action set piece to the next, they are very well done. The director, Joe Wright, showed a lot of faith in the ability of his actors to pull off the choreography the fight scenes demanded; something you don't see often enough in today's world of quick cuts and tight camera shots. The highlight for me came in the form of a 360 degree, one take fight sequence that really made me forget this was a PG-13 film.

And speaking of the rating, for a PG-13 movie, I am quite surprised at how effective the suspense of the chase sequences and the quality of the fight scenes actually were. I very quickly forgot there were things that could not happen due to the rating of the film and found myself wondering a few times "what is going to happen next?"

The weakness of the film sadly comes across anytime and every time a connection is supposed to be made between characters, any characters. The father/daughter dynamic is barely there, the villains seem to act villainous because they are expected to, and the main character runs and fights because it is what the scene calls for. Even a British family we spend some time with seems more like a collection of actors playing parts rather than an actual family on vacation.

Overall, this movie was fun and that is what we go to the movies for, right? Even with no story, I am eager for a sequel and I think and hope the world has found a great new action star in Saoirse Ronan.