Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Palin Wonders "Where's My Headline?"

After years of dominating the discussion, a recent drought in Palin-related stories has pushed her non-campaign into "Panic Mode."

"She is very worried," a close source who wised to remain anonymous recently told me in a fever-dream. "The 'Palin Brand' was once synonymous with stupidity and we are seeing a very real and viable threat from Michelle Bachmann. This is like Dr Frankenstein being killed by his own monster."

Palin had real hopes her "Paul Revere" gaff combined with the premature end of her "One Nation" bus tour would have propelled her not only to the top of the polls, but the headlines. However, Bachmann's combination of light blue deer-eyes in headlights and tenuous grasp on reality to say the least has made her the GOP darling.

More to come....

Remember Eisenhower's Words! Please! End the Endless War!

Our military organization today bears little relation to that known by any of my predecessors in peacetime, or indeed by the fighting men of World War II or Korea.

Until the latest of our world conflicts, the United States had no armaments industry. American makers of plowshares could, with time and as required, make swords as well. But now we can no longer risk emergency improvisation of national defense; we have been compelled to create a permanent armaments industry of vast proportions. Added to this, three and a half million men and women are directly engaged in the defense establishment. We annually spend on military security more than the net income of all United States corporations.

This conjunction of an immense military establishment and a large arms industry is new in the American experience. The total influence -- economic, political, even spiritual -- is felt in every city, every State house, every office of the Federal government. We recognize the imperative need for this development. Yet we must not fail to comprehend its grave implications. Our toil, resources and livelihood are all involved; so is the very structure of our society.

In the councils of government, we must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the militaryindustrial complex. The potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power exists and will persist.

We must never let the weight of this combination endanger our liberties or democratic processes. We should take nothing for granted. Only an alert and knowledgeable citizenry can compel the proper meshing of the huge industrial and military machinery of defense with our peaceful methods and goals, so that security and liberty may prosper together.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower, 1961

Sunday, June 19, 2011

D-Day Recovery

I am not a verbally gifted person for the most part. It may be because I have been solitary for so long or maybe I never was very loquacious in the first place, but either way I don't express myself very well with the spoken word and therefore was mostly emotionally silent this weekend. This may lead those attending my festivities with the impression I was not having a good time. This could not be further from the truth. The reality is that this was the best birthday I think I have ever had in my life and I can't thank each one of you enough, but let's try.

MOM- I am awestruck with the planning you put into this weekend and I am humbled to have you as my mother. I could not have asked for a better weekend and you were behind it all. I love you more than I can ever express.

ROB- This was your weekend as well and I hope your Father's day matched my birthday in the amount of joy. All your children and your grandchild were here all weekend long and it was a thing of beauty to watch you with your granddaughter.

JEFF and LAURA- Happty Father's Day to you Jeff as well. And thank you both for coming down on Friday in all that traffic to spend my actual birthday with me even though we were coming up on Saturday. It was very touching you took the time to drive down. I know what a pain the drive is and Nola can be to get ready for anything. Thank you both for coming.

JULIE- Speaking of driving, it would have been a glaring absense had you not drvien down from Gainesville to spend this weekend with me. Of all the gifts I recieved, your coming down was the best.

GORDON- Your love was felt and appreciated. I know you wanted to come down, but the guilt of how much you would have had to go through to get here would have overshadowed the joy of seeing you. We will get together soon.

CAST of HAIR- Wow. Just wow. I got chills during Walking in Space (my favorite song from the show) and was moved at the end. I had grown up on the movie, but now I feel I have finally seen Hair for the first time. Just wow.

For my 41st, I will try to learn how to express myself verbally. Until then, I hope you got to see this and to know how much this weekend meant to me.

Come to think of it...there are no words to cover this feeling of joy and being loved. Thank you so much.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

D-Day +1

I can see it on the horizon. I have less than 24 hours now at this point. At 11:40-ish AM tomorrow I start my 40th year in this reality. Funny and I know it is a cliché, but I don't feel 40. Or maybe I do feel 40 and, having never been 40 before just don't recognize it as such. Maybe THIS is how 40 feels; exactly like 30. It is rather weird the weight we assign to arbitrary numbers and how we define ourselves based on how society thinks that number should behave.

"He doesn't act 40."

If it wasn't for the mirror, I would say I was turning 25. I feel the same as I did. The parts of me I can see without a mirror look basically the same; hands, feet, legs, etc. I do have a bald spot, but at my height, who can see it? Even my thoughts are the same as when I was 25. First on my mind right now are the amazing records I found yesterday after work and I can't wait to get home and listen to them some more; just like when I was 25. I am even playing video games nightly; just like 25.

So, how does 40 act? When I was a kid, I thought 40 was when you started sizing dentures. I thought it was the age Depends became underwear and "sir" became a polite way of saying "asshole" as in "excuse me, but you are in the way, sir" or "no sir, you must wait over there." I was preparing for my first Social Security check and AARP application. I was thinking of burial plots. These may have been an incorrect assumptions on my part.

Tomorrow I am having a Carvel Ice Cream Cake for my 40th and my brother, sister, sister-in-law, and niece are going to spend it with me and my parents. I can't wait.

Oh, and when tomorrow does come, wish my mother a happy birthday instead of me. I was a C-section baby delivered a month late so I literally didn't do a damn thing on that day. Yes, I was lazy even in utero .

Happy Giving Birth Day Mom

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

How I See the Parties Today: A Two Act Play

Act 1: The Democrats

Lib1: This should be changed.

Lib2: Yes, it should be bigger.

Lib1: No, smaller.

Lib3: And blue.

Lib1 and 2: Blue? Green!

Lib1: and smaller.

Lib2: No, bigger.

Lib3: Whatever Bushlover.

Lib1: I voted for Kerry.

Lib2: Sure you did. Nobody who wants smaller voted for Kerry.

Lib3: Nobody who wants Green did either.

Act 2: The Republicans

Con1: This must not be changed

Con2: No.

Con3: And we should screw someone at the same time.

Con1: Agreed.

Con2: Male or female?

Con 1 and 3: WHAT?

Con2: Just kidding. Don't fags suck? I think I need to form a committee against them.

D-Day +2

The heavy rain knocked my antenna loose and I lost a channel...well, three. Channel 39 is one of those taking advantage of the HD broadcasting spectrum and they have 39-1, 39-2, and 39-3. 39-1 is regular Jerry Springer, Maury, Steve Wilcos, and daytime court shows while being CW at night. 39-2 is called "Antenna TV" and they show 3 Stooges, 3's Company, Hazel, etc. 39-3 is called THIS TV and they show crap. Of the three, I watch -2 on Fridays for my 3 Stooges marathon and -1 way too much. I have even set my TIVO to record particularly spicy Springer shows that air when I am at work. This is not proper behavior for someone turning 39+1.

I guess I should thank Mother Nature for doing what I lacked the strength to do on my own- cut the Springer umbilical cord. I will miss it, but it is time to move on. Besides, I still will have Judge Judy on channel 10. I love her; she's a total bitch.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

The 2012 GOP Nominees

Gingrich-Sleezy...I mean Sneezy

Friday, June 10, 2011

D-Day +6

I am one week away from 40 and am suffering my last cold of my 30's and it figures it would take place over my last weekend of my 30's. OK, it is not like I was going to do anything anyways with my lack of a life, but it would be nice to not be sick as I enter 40, or rather 39 Part2.

Got my first present yesterday from a great and dear friend. I didn't see it coming and was shocked and bewildered when the UPS guy was leaving my door. I opened the box and there was a blue gift bag with four Simpsons figures contained within. I got chills and not because I was sick. It was beyond words amazing and touching to have gotten a gift in the mail from this person. Thank you again.

Tuesday, June 07, 2011

Tribute to the Diceman

Little Miss Muffet
Decided to rough it
And left her lube at home
While Little Bo Peep
Was ramming her sheep
With a huge black rubber synthetic bone
Miss Muffet saw the sight
Said "that sheep looks so tight"
And decided it would be her turn
But since she had no lube
It was slightly rude
The friction caused the poor sheep to burn

Weiner-gate? My Thoughts

He needs to stand firm in the light of this exposure; rigid and stiff. He can't afford to lean or soften in his resolve. He must keep one eye on the prize and not soften in his commitment to see his term to completion. No early withdrawal for this man. His day will cum. His favorite band? Climax.

Monday, June 06, 2011

Paul Revere's Ride According to Palin: A Three Line Play

(A cold Arlington night. Enter a lone figure on horseback carrying a torch and riding like the Devil himself was chasing him)

Paul Revere: Alert! Alert! Take heed! The British are coming! The British are coming!

The British: We know.

Paul Revere: Just making sure. Carry on.

(close scene)