Sunday, September 19, 2010

Resident Evil: Afterlife 3D

I have just returned from seeing Resident Evil: Afterlife and I am torn on it. To present the various perspectives on this movie, I present my Internal Monologue between Left Brain and Right.

L: That was the best 3D I have ever seen.

R: True, but 3D what?

L: The scenes in falling water were simply breath taking.

R: Yeah, but what exactly was the point of the movie? I realize the Umbrella Corporation are the villains, but to what end?

L: Does that matter? The 3D was incredible.

R: Yes, OK, we get it: the 3D was amazing. I will agree with me on that point. I will even add there are a few moments where I felt the drops of the camera.

L: The smoke was really cool too.

R: Yes, the smoke was really cool too. So was all the slow motion in the fighting.

L: You could really see the details of the 3d, right? Like the bullets flying towards you and such?

R: Yes, but there was so much slow motion that I feel the actual movie was simply 50 minutes long with half slowed down just to help it stretch to 100. Hell, there was one part where the entire thing just stopped!

L: SHHH! No spoilers!

R: That isn't a "spoiler." Look, it was a lot of fun and, if you are going to see it, see it on a big screen for certain, but don't look for any story.

L: You...erm, I haven't seen any of the other ones.

R:True, but this was Matrix in 3D more than it was a Zombie movie of any description. Faceless cops in black; a guy in shades and a black trench coat; room full of weapons; fight in a white room- I thought of Matrix more than I thought of "Zombie Flick."

L: was HEAVILY inspired by Matrix and there will be little to no point in seeing this movie in 2D as there is no story to speak of.

R: Exactly! I starts in the middle of a battle and ends in the middle of a battle. If you want to make a TV series, then put the damn thing on TV!

L: Would you recommend this then?

R: For cool eye candy? Yes. As a narrative? No.

L: Pity there was no "3D Naked Underwater Ballet" this time.

R: On that we agree.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Face of Today

I met an old man today living at the gas station near work. He is living there because that happens to be where his van ran out of gas. Proud old man too, not used to or prepared for this kind of life. He tried to ask me for money, but couldn't get the words out. Pride held them in. It took me hearing what little of his story he could get out twice to figure out his circumstances and what he couldn't ask.

I didn't have much, but my seven dollars made his eyes swell and he couldn't get "thank you" out. The look on his face told me that, to him, "thank you" was just not enough. He hadn't eaten in two days and I was only the second person to actually listen to him or show him attention at all. It has depressed me for the remainder of my day that I could not do more.

If I got conned, so be it. I don't believe I was; nobody is that good of an actor. I didn't notice his van at the gas station when I drove home, so I must assume he got more help somewhere. Seven dollars doesn't buy much.

Thursday, September 09, 2010

A Rosh Hashanah Joke

An Orthodox, a Conservative, and a Reformed Jew were discussing the upcoming Rosh Hashanah holiday and the conversation eventually became a competition and debate of whose Temple is more devout as is normal when you get a bunch of Jews together discussing anything.

The Orthodox Jew started the debate by saying "I can't believe how devout my Temple is. Every year we have to spend both days of Rosh Hashanah praying all day and we spend the evenings with our families."

The Conservative Jew took offense at this claim and countered with "well my Temple is open both days as well, but we only expect people to come pray to G-d on one of those days and they should spend the other with their families and celebrating."

The Reformed Jew listened quietly to both people bragging about their Temples, chuckled softly, and grinned.

"My Temple," he said, "places a huge banner across the door way that says 'Closed for the Holidays!'"