Saturday, May 12, 2007

Bonnie and the Ninja

He was a ninja; an ancient warrior of the shadow arts. Able to walk across a lawn without disrupting a single blade of grass he could stalk his prey and strike before thinking. Ok, not really, but that sounded so much cooler than "he was a dork living in the suburbs of Miami." The reality is that he was a dork living in the suburbs of Miami, victim of an overactive imagination and one too many movies.

He found an old black shirt he could no longer fit into and would wrap it around his head covering his entire head save for his eyes. He would stuff his sock in between his big and second toe to create a mock ninja shoe. He would straighten out a hanger to create his perfect ninja sword and he would torment his sister by jumping out of various closets about the house at random intervals. It would be cute if he were not 23 years old.

"Asssole," he would scream as he swung his sword at her head.

"What the fuck does that even mean?"

"You can't talk anymore; you're dead."

"Oh grow up!"

"I will one day and you can't cause you are dead."

"Oh Christ mom should of had that abortion. I wonder if it's too late..."

"I will grow and you will rot. I will grow and you will rot. Ninjas always win!"

"I can't wait until I'm eighteen and can move away from you!"

"What time is it my dead sister?"

"11:35, why?"

"See ya, I'm late for my physics class."

"How late?"

"Almost twenty-four hours. Good thing ninjas don't need physics."

"You really are an idiot. Balance and throwing and all that ninja crap is all physics based you dolt."

"Is not!"

"Is too."

"No it isn't!"

"What is it then?"

After a long pause the ninja proudly exclaimed "I can't tell you cause it's a ninja secret and I would have to kill you if I told you."

"I thought you already killed me so now you can tell me."

"I...um....you....I.....MOMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!"

5 comments:

littlebirdblue said...

hehehe.

Serena Joy said...

LOL! Ninja has a name, does he?:)

Scary Monster said...

Ninja shoes= Jika Tabi

Me be a ninja, but don't tell anyone or me will have to pay you a visit....Not even Oreo could protect you.
STOMP.

Roxan said...

It takes me back to the days of playing pyromaniac in the backyard. Ah, memories!

Variant E said...

Zombie Ninjas? Could be a whole new cross-genre.