Monday, September 18, 2006

Another Divine Comedy: Part II Electric Boogaloo

By Kanrei

G-d has a nasty sense of humor. I experienced it today. I understand why there have always been reality shows that humiliate people and why they succeed. It is because we are made in His image and He likes slapstick.

I am not talking about physical slapstick necessarily, but He certainly does dig that quite a bit as well. You know the jokes I am speaking of; like being hit in the groin when there is no one around to laugh for example. All those moments you say to yourself “if only there was an audience right now” are His and there is an audience.

I am not even talking about the audio slapstick He enjoys so much. You know, the great joke He plays like a person farting in a store aisle or that burp right when you answer the phone. Those are His audio slapstick moments. He loves those more than the physical ones because they cause no real harm. G-d may be a prankster, but He is no sadist.

No, the jokes I am talking about are His all time favorite ones: the situation joke. He loves a good case of irony and misdirection gag even more. In fact, there is not one situation joke He does not love to pull on us daily. Today was my day and G-d had a real good laugh.

There are certain songs that I hate more than words, but I cannot turn them off when they start playing. Instead, I find myself singing along in really obnoxious and weird voices making fun of the song. I mean weird voices, like something out of a cartoon or a nasty acid flashback. He made one of those songs come on today while I was driving from the office to the lab. I had not had a cigarette for a while today either, so I took it as a chance to smoke which means my window was rolled down.

Florida law dictates that any time a window is rolled down in a moving car that the volume must reach maximum output. This is regardless of how bad the song playing happens to be. I hate to break the law, so up my radio went and “Don’t You Want Me” by Human League was blasting through the South Miami neighborhood.

“You were working as a waitress in a cocktail bar when I met you”

There I am driving through a South Miami neighborhood blasting bad early 80’s techno-pop and singing in various ridiculous voices. I am having a blast to be honest when I turn the corner and see a really hot girl sitting on the sidewalk. Blonde, looked like she could be tall when she stood up, and she was smoking. Very rare to find a good looking smoker in this health conscious world we find ourselves in right now.

I quickly turned down the Human League and stopped singing when I noticed her sitting there. First impressions are too important to let her catch me singing badly to bad music and having fun. She might get the impression this was something I did. Yes, it is something I do, but she does not need to know that yet.

Ample parking today in front of the lab; I am in luck. It means I get to look cool parking instead of like the idiot who can’t parallel park. Once again, image is everything. I mean my car is relatively clean and my clothes were not only ironed today, but ironed well. I was ready to go.

I get out of my car and walk over to the meter. I place in my quarter and glance over at the girl for another look and I notice she is looking over at me. She is looking over at me and laughing. This could be a good sign or it could be a bad one. I am slightly confused at this point and could feel my courage draining like I was pissing my pants or something. No, I was not really peeing myself, just a simile.

Anyway, I think back to when I first saw her and remember. I remember that she was actually already looking over in my direction when I noticed her and already laughing. She was looking before I turned down my radio. She was looking before I rolled up my window. Most importantly, she was looking while I was singing in weird and ridiculous voices loudly. She more than likely heard it as well.

I cannot tell you for certain, but I think I heard laughing coming from above as well. He is the master jokester. I mean waiting to start that song until I was in the car and on that station, then placing a girl my type sitting alone while I was under the control of mocking impulse. That was a good one.

I don’t mind being G-d’s punch line to be honest. Keeping G-d entertained is the real meaning of life. We are each a different channel in G-d’s cable package. Sometimes He is in the mood for a war movie and sometimes he wants a romantic comedy and He never grows tired of the practical joke shows.

Always take those nasty moments as a badge of honor because it is in those moments you know G-d is watching.


Serena Joy said...

LOL! That's delightfully, ironically funny. God gets me a lot, too. And why not? I'm sure God is as bored some days as I am.

joanie78 said...

Chicken shit...should of gone over anyway....

Anonymous said...

Kanrei just aadmit failure. Close this blog and go back to DR.

Kanrei said...

I didn't fail as long as I have you, anonymous.

Gal said...

Most women like guys who are funny. I bet she was laughing with you rather than at you. You shoulda talked to her. I would have said something like, "It's been my lifelong dream to be one of those bad singers they show at the beginning of the season on American Idol. I've been practicing."

(Please note, I've never actually watched the bad singers at the beginning of the season on that show, but I have heard about them.)