Thursday, September 28, 2006

The Clown, The Roo, and The Nightmares I am Going to Have

By Kanrei

I know I am outraged right now and I know I am very confused, but I cannot tell which I am more. It is like a wave machine right now inside me with each feeling growing then receding in succession. There is even some attempted rationalization happening, but failing. I think I am mostly very confused with outraged coming up its rear.

Growing up I watched a lot of the Bugs Bunny/Road Runner Show. It was the high point of my Saturday mornings and a pleasant memory to this day. The only part I never really liked was the boxing kangaroo and Sylvester. The concept of a boxing kangaroo was just ridiculous to my child mind. Even for a cartoon it was too unrealistic for me. Boy was I ever wrong.

It seems China has an annual event they call the “Animal Olympics” being held for its fourth year at Shanghai Wild Animal Park. It features around 300 animal contestants who compete in various events against other animals. Some events may include zebras running hurdles or mountain goats in a relay race. It may feature an elephant carrying the Olympic torch or possibly feature bear boxing. The Chinese are not known for animal rights I don’t think.

This list of atrocious behavior brings me back to the cartoon with Sylvester and the kangaroo. You didn’t think I was just filling space with that story did you? I would not waste your time except for right here. Sorry about that. I like tangents too much.

This year we had a fight of fights. The Olympic officials, in an attempt to allow equal representation in the competition realized that human beings are, in fact animals. The title for boxing suddenly became open as a man dressed as a clown and wearing boxing gloves challenged the kanga-of-all-roos to a bout. This time it was personal.

The source material only says that the man hit the kanga with a right hook. The kanga fell backwards and recovered quickly from the blow. Shaking it off, the kanga charged the man and its began assault. A grappling move was used to push the clown against the ropes.

The story leaves the fight there, but I really hope the kanga kicked the clown’s ass. I hate animal abusers and I really hate clowns. I have a major severe and deep rooted fear of clowns. Happy clowns, sad clowns, mimes, stupid stuffed clowns, harlequins, you name it I am scared of it. I am not sure why exactly but I have a few ideas.

When I was a child I had a 6 foot clown at the foot of my bed that my parents won in a raffle. They decided to give it to me and there it sat at the foot of my bed. I could feel it staring at me and smiling. It was planning something and I knew it.

As I got older my clown phobia just grew. Things like Poltergeist, It, and the story of serial killer John Wayne Gacy would give me nightmares for weeks. Hell, even Killer Klowns from Outer Space and Scary Movie 2 got me. It became a simple and unavoidable truth of life: clowns are evil.

Stupid tangents got me again. Sorry about that. The reason I am so confused is that I cannot decide if I am more pissed about the treatment of the animals in China or if I am more scared of the pictures I saw with the clown. You may think I am joking, but sadly and tragically I am not.

I really hope that roo kicked that clown’s painted on ass. Stupid, evil spawn of Satan, candy stealing from babies, puppy kicking clowns. I am not going to sleep at all tonight. I already know it. That picture did not help any either.


Serena Joy said...

I knew there was a reason I don't like clowns. I used to think they were funny and benevolent when I was a kid. I don't think so any more.

China has an atrocious rep for animal (and people) mistreatment. I'm still trying to get over the mental picture of China's recent treatment of dogs that I read about WEEKS ago. It upset me horribly. Hopefully, they treat the pandas they're so proud of better.

Kanrei said...

I don't know the dog story and I do not think I want to.

RexZeitgeist said...

Wiat, I thought algore said China was leading the charge in all areas, the environment, human rights, and animals

I go back and forth about the use of animals for human enjoyment....In many cases its clear cut, like dog fighting...I think scum that fight dogs to the death, deserve 20 years in prison, MINIMUM.....

On the other hand some animals benefit greatly from performing for and with humans and enjoy being in the company of our species..... It is case by case....

Clowns also scared me as a kid, my garndparents had a dark basement with a rickety circular stairwell.........when you went up the stairwell you could see the head of a large clown doll my grandmother had and it looked like a real person with wild hair.....It always got me no matter what....when I would walk up those stairs, that damn clown was always messing with my head.....

vrwc said...

Thanks guys, now I'm going to be thinking about clowns all day.