Friday, August 25, 2006

You! Out of the Gene Pool!

By Kanrei
I love the Darwin Awards. I think they are brilliant. For those who may not know, the Darwin Awards are given posthumously to those who are kind enough to take themselves out of the gene pool. No, it is not as morbid as that, well actually it is, but not everyone who kills themselves gets to be in. There are very strict rules to gain entry into this noble list.

A nominee must take themselves “out of the gene pool: dead or sterile”; show an “ Astounding misapplication of judgment”; “Cause one's own demise”; you must be “capable of sound judgment”; and The event must be true”.

One of my favorite winners is a guy who used a shotgun as a bat on his girlfriend’s car as she drove off. The problem is that the shotgun was loaded and he was holding the barrel when the impact on the windshield causes the gun to discharge. This is the kind of taking them selves out of the gene pool they are referring too.

The reason I brought it up is that I saw this story of some schmuck hanging from a power line in England:

British Transport Police appealed for help today to trace a youth who was seen swinging from overhead power cables by train passengers.

This guy is just, pardon this pun, DYING to get in. He didn’t make it though.

"The overhead cables carry 25,000 volts and, although the overheads had been switched off to deal with another incident closer to the station, a residual current of at least 5,000 volts would have still been running through the cables.
Both he, and the other young person watching from the bridge, could have been seriously injured, electrocuted and even killed.”
What would possess a person to do something that stupid? The story says they had no way of knowing the line was turned off, so as far as he knew he was grabbing a live power line. He is going to go through life now thinking himself the luckiest person in the world. Maybe he is.

He is going to carry this story like a badge of honor. It should be a reminder to not do stupid things, but a person this stupid will never realize that. He redefines stupid actually. He brings stupid to another level entirely.

Now that I think about it, I don’t think he would qualify for a Darwin Award even if he did die. I mean a nominee must be “capable of sound judgment” and I just don’t see it. Let’s just hope the 5000 volts made him sterile at least. I will settle for alive and out of the gene pool, but G-d help the future if he reproduces.

3 comments:

Serena Joy said...

I love the Darwin Awards and am just warped enough to look forward to their unveiling every year. What I can't figure out is why a few very likely candidates haven't been weeded out by, er, natural selection.

RexZeitgeist said...

'The Darwin Awards are macabre tales that make us laugh while instructing us in the laws of common sense. Consider the man who crawled under the roller coaster guardrail to retrieve his hat. When the next coaster came by, an unfortunate rider broke her leg on his skull. Ouch! From our point of view, the man who lost his head is a Darwin Award winner, and his story is just another episode in the saga of survival of the fittest.'


OUCH

American1st said...

Hey,Kan, granted,this guy isn't exactly smart,but he may not be as stupid as you may think. It all hinges on whether or not he jumped to the wire,or grabbed it from the bridge. Without a ground,it's perfectly safe to grab a live wire. Otherwise,we'd never get anywhere for the bird and squirrel carcasses laying about!