Monday, August 07, 2006

Clear Sign of Endless Middle Eastern War: Part III

By Kanrei
All you have to do is look at the news and you can see this war will never ever ever end. We have Reuters faking pictures of Israeli jets killing the Lebanese and what does the AP feel the need to report?

Paris Hilton to magazine: I'm celibate

What the hell and wake me up please! This is unreal! This is surreal! This is a bad trip!

The world is on the edge of full fledged World War 3, only this time everyone has big bombs. We have Iraq about to have a Civil war. We have Iran making nukes. We have North Korea testing missiles. We have Israel, Lebanon,and Syria playing pattycake to the death. We can destroy ourselves happily before we even know who did it first. We have the AP and Reuters actually faking news because the truth is just not horrible enough and now we must have our minds assaulted with tales of Paris Hilton's sex life or lack there of!

"I'm not having sex for a year. ... I'll kiss, but nothing else," says Hilton, who told the magazine she has had sex with only two men during her lifetime.

Good! Does this mean I get a full 365 days off from her flashing and peeking and exposing every lens she sees? Besides, we know she is lying. How many of us have 50% of our sexual encounters recorded and stolen? The part that spurred me to rant and rave is this last tidbit of joy from Princess Diana Monroe:

Hilton also told the magazine she collects $500,000 in fees just to show up at parties and other events from Las Vegas to Tokyo. Her best-paying gig, she said, was a recent Austrian appearance.

"I had to say `hi' and tell them why I loved Austria so much," she is quoted as saying.

And why does she like Austria? "Because they pay me $1 million to wave at crowds!"

This clinches her complete lack of merit and value, well merit. It appears value has been devalued. Half a million to show up at a party and a full million just to wave? Glad her talents are so taxed. Years of training I tell you. I know the pain of carpal tunnel.

Is it wave, then smile, then strip? Or is it wave, then strip, then smile? I am positive that Reuters and the AP will have plenty of time to tell us in between faking news stories. They must convice us Paris Hilton is a talent and Mel Gibson was right about the Jews! Bah!

Why am I spending so much time on this nonsense you ask? I have no choice! I am a student of Pop Culture and sometimes that means dealing with the vast stupidity we are capable of. It is my only hope of truely understanding is cultural wasteland of reality television and MTVDisney pop stars! Even the punk is weak!

Hello Sum 41, Blink 182? You are the next sign. Get ready.

For Part Two
To Part Four


Serena Joy said...

You've nailed it dead on. Strange days, indeed.

VRWC said...

Most peculiar moma!

Walt said...

Man I love Paris. The babe, not the frog.