Tuesday, August 29, 2006

That Hurricane Blew

By Kanrei
So they threw a hurricane and no wind came. Imagine the nerve of that treacherous bastard Ernesto. We took notice, we prepared; we buttoned down the hatches and topped off the tanks. We cleared the roads and closed the shops. We did our end. So where the hell is all the rain?

We were told around 2pm today that we were not going to get a hurricane. That is actually a good thing. I will not complain about that in any way, shape or form. My love of a good storm should never cost someone their life and someone always dies in a hurricane. I am pretty happy it wasn’t a hurricane actually.

We were told around 7pm that it would be a weak tropical storm, but there were tornado and flood warnings for south Florida. While no fan of either one of those, they usually accompany thunder and lightning. I love thunder and lightning. Used to scare me to death growing up and I cannot remember what caused the switch or when it happened, but I love a good noisy storm.

At 7pm, the constant news coverage suddenly stopped and “Wheel of Fortune” came on. Something is not right. Someone screwed up at the station. There was supposed to be more coverage of Tropical Storm Ernesto, right? I mean it still had not reached land yet. Guess not. All the other stations returned to their normal programming as well. Oh well, screw them. I got a show to prepare for.

9pm I was still waiting for my show. By 9:30 I had mostly given up and posted the storm as over, but secretly I was still holding out for some good things to come. I wanted some big bangs of thunder as lightning illuminates the sky. I was looking forward to a brief power outage of a few hours so I could enjoy the stars and silence. Miami obscures both.

It is now 11:15 and it is not even raining anymore. It has STILL not reached land and it is over. This is unreal. I am so happy I did not panic yesterday with the rest of the town and burn $30 in gas to get gas. I did not spend much in supplies. I mean I will use that carton of cigarettes, I will drink the Gatorade, and I will eat the Boy-R-Dee. Ok, maybe not the last one, but there are more storms coming and I have gotten that hungry before.

Every once in a while there comes a gust of wind. Not a big one, but just enough to move the tree by my window and remind me what I should have been hearing non-stop, but not enough to satisfy. This storm was the meteorological equivalent of blue balls. I am going to go stand in the show and turn the lights on and off really fast. You know, the meteorological equivalent of the cold shower.

39 comments:

Serena Joy said...

Well, that just royally blows. I mean, the nerve of that stupid Ernesto to cheat you out of a good storm. I'm sure there's another one brewing, though. You'll get some rain and thunder and a light show soon enough.

Ernesto! said...

Hey don't get chippy. I tried!

Serena Joy said...

You blew it, Ernesto. LOL.

RexZeitgeist said...

Ernesto was the 'runt' of the hurricaine season....

Anonymous said...

glad no liberals were hurt.

VRWC said...

"buttoned down the hatches"
hehe.. was that intentional?

Kanrei said...

No, I am just not a sailor. I assumed. I guess I just made serena's word criminal list. I just looked it up and realized my mistake. Now I must decide if I leave it or correct it.

VRWC said...

It works though, like a mixed metaphor.

"he wasn't brightest tool in the shed"

Kanrei said...

I am not alone in my screw up so maybe the usage will change. Google just gave me a bunch of hits for "button down the hatches", but they were all people like me who misused it and are trying to justify it.

VRWC said...

He was born with a silver foot in his mouth.

http://www.mixed-metaphor.com/

what a hoot

VRWC said...

you're right, I just looked!

Kanrei said...

The pen is mightier than the half full glass


That is a great one. I must remember it.

Kanrei said...

I'm going to keep it "button down" even though I know its wrong. I made a screw up and it should stand. Also, it will show up next time someone else Googles "button down the hatches" and feel better about themselves like I did.

VRWC said...

after all, it's not rocket surgery!

VRWC said...

I think you'd like my "urban legends" thread

Kanrei said...

Hey! PWZ updated. Looks real nice. Moved up to blogger beta? Maybe now they will believe I had nothing to do with Rex's site.

I love a good urban legend. I goto snopes daily.

IL said...

Sheesh! Some people are never happy. If it did blow your house down, you'ld be complaining then, too, would'nt you?

I love mixed-pettifores!
Oh, sorry, that was mixed-metaphors.

Well, still a funny site, thanks.

Kanrei said...

Hey IL,
IF it did blow down my house, you would not know if I was or not. Think about preparing to see the scariest movie ever and, right before it starts and you are ready to be more scared than you ever were, on comes "Heidi". OK, "Heidi" would be more scary, but you get my point. I was prepared to be scared and was only bored instead. I am happy nothin gwas damaged, but some show would have been nice too.

Chester said...

LMAO @ "heidi"

Anonymous said...

What a joke PWZ ha become. Members only comments now. I guess I'll be a wayward lemming fulltime.

VRWC said...

Hey kanrei, check out the changes at my house, I think I'm finding direction

ERNESTO! said...

I am no so done yet!

RexZeitgeist said...

Oh Ernesto!, you are so butch.....

RexZeitgeist said...

Hey anon, check out my pub...you can't hide like a pansy there but you can make up a fake name and post.....

drudgeisbetter said...

Rex it's just as easy for me to ridicule you here as anywhere. Maybe if you weren't all talk you would go back to DR and take another thrashing but we all that's never going to happen.

rex said...

hmmmmmm, spoken like a true moron....I owned the retort.....I dominated it like L. Taylor on Joe Theismann........

Every rule, every twist and turn, every draconian measure Rcade took......was because of me.....

My name is still so feared, no one even dares speak it.......Not even Rcade.....and girl you know that's true.......

Stop by the Pub anyway........the beer is cold.....

The Phantom said...

Hello All. Looks like I might be the one getting flooded up in in PA.

The Phantom

rex said...

Hey Phantom! Ernesto is coming for you.

Kanrei said...

Damn Phan. Ernesto is coming your way? Wet bastard.

The Phantom said...

Tired of getting flooded by these damn rain storms! And I live on a hill! Damn global warming. LOL

Kanrei said...

I live by a creek. They call it a creek. I think it is a sewage canal. Ernesto's predicted 10 inches (of rain you perverts) scared the hell out of me.

The Phantom said...

up here we call it a crick. LOL

The Phantom

The Phantom said...

It's been pretty dry up here this month Kan so any significant rain will cause me flooding because of run off.

The Phantom

Kanrei said...

Would think the ground would just drink it up instead.

The Phantom said...

Na The ground gets so hard it runs off before it can soak in. I've only flooded twice. Ivan and this spring 6 inch rainstorm. I'm still a little jumpy from that one.

The Phantom

VRWC said...

you got the tropical dep., looks like I'm going to get a hurricane!

Kanrei said...

I just saw that. 60MPH so far. Be safe man. Your turn to update with your blog. I pass the torch to you.

VRWC said...

Ha, I'll start on that in a bit! I called your link "Kanrei's Lemming Habitat" seeing I've changed course, how bout editing mine to vrwc-sci/tek

VRWC said...

thought you might want to check this out, I'm doing an encompassing fuel cell piece, this is your locale.

Why Not Green Buses in Florida?