New Motto for Life? At Least for the Day

I was commenting on Scary Monster’s blog (a great place to get those neurons firing in the morning) and really liked a part of my comment. It is not often I pat myself on the back (OK, it is but not in public), but this has got me thinking. SM’s blog always gets me thinking; probably the most scary aspect of him because my thoughts scare even me sometimes. The comment was “when you think about the thousands of sperm that did not make it you realize you succeeded before you were even born- you made it! The rest is cake.” I have found my new motto for life I think.

The average ejaculation consists of around 250 million sperm cells. This means that the person we were to become had to overcome the odds of 1 in 250 million. The odds of winning the lottery is somewhere around 1 in 14 million. This means that I overcame greater odds than winning the lottery almost eighteen times to be who I am today. How could I possibly feel like a loser winning against those odds? Guess what, you overcame the same odds. How could anything ever be impossible after overcoming a 1 in 250 million shot?

Yesterday was “Gothic Day” in the Blogger Realm and my day today seemed to follow suit. Even the sky was overcast and threatening all day long without ever following through. If it could go wrong today, it did and if I could be sad about something today, I was. I dug deep in my head to find things to feed the sadness a few times as well, then I came to the Monster’s blog and posted those words and everything in my head changed. Even the sky outside has cleared up a bit just before sunset.

Today will be “Hippie Happy Day.” I will remember that I am here when I feel down and remember what that means. Work cannot depress me; life cannot depress me because I am a winner. The losers in life are those other 249,999,999 cells that couldn’t find the egg.

Remember this next time you are feeling down- there are no losers in life; not one.

Winter's Warm Embrace

Formulated and combined yet lacking a means of escape
I find myself with so much to say yet devoid of a way to say it
Or an audience to hear it
Or a listener to feel it
Or the soul to express it.
Blankness as far as my eyes can see
A snow filled barren horizon of lost promises and empty voices
Words without feeling only reflect the emptiness where I once kept me
“I’m here” I hear you shout in answer to my lonely cries
“I hear you, feel you express you!” but I have heard that echo before
Hollow yet hopeful words never replace the embrace of the meanest ones
It all crashes and crumbles before it was ever built sometimes
Sometimes its fall is its greatest feature and secures its immortality
Ten different eyes tell five different tales of one single event
The blankness has filled over time and changed before my eyes
Sometimes it really is what you make it to be and not a thing more
Sometimes

Yet Another Oscar Rant by a Know-It-All Blogger

I am not at all satisfied with my Oscar picks score. Fifty percent just does not cut it in my reality unless it is on a test from school. I got only one of the big four correct in my guesses, which is horrible for me. I mean I even said Forrest Whitaker should win, but wouldn’t so that the Academy could correct its repeated Peter O’Toole failings. How was I supposed to know they were going to actually get it right this year? What are the odds of that happening after 78 years of not?

I could have gotten over fifty percent if I had said that Gore would win the documentary category, but I just assumed it was a gimme and not worth mentioning. Now I realize it would have given me five out of nine guesses right. Plus, considering why I picked “Happy Feet” to beat “Cars” should have forced me to say Gore would win. Gar and Bah: I would say “Humbug” but tis not the season. Next year I pick every category and increase my odds. Even the gimmes.

As long as I am ranting right now, I should speak about best picture. I love Martin Scorsese and think he is a cinematic genius. I think he does with film what Michelangelo did with ceilings, but The Departed was far from his best work. It would be the best film by most other directors, but for Scorsese it appeared thrown together and weak.

One thing I have always loved about a Scorsese is that there are no wasted moments and he does not leave loose ends in his movies; The Departed had far too many of each. There may be spoilers ahead, so I will not blame you if you stop reading now. If you have seen the movie, please read on. I may be missing the loose ends answered.

1. What was in the envelope Bill gave Madolyn?
2. Was the child Bill’s or Colin’s?
3. Does Dignam work for anyone or was his last act done on his own?
4. What happened to the microchips?
5. If Costello was opposed to drug sales, why was he doing a drug deal at the end?
6. What was the point of the deleting the file since it never came into play?
7. Why was the FBI helping get Costello if he worked for them?

I am sure at least some of those did get answered and I missed it, but I doubt they all were. I watched it once on Saturday and again on Sunday. The plot would make a great series, but there was simply too much story for a single movie. I really cannot say why it got “Best Picture.” It was far from a Scorsese film and an insult to his legacy to have this film do what Taxi Driver, Goodfellas, and Last Temptation did not.

And the Award for It Being Friday Goes To...

It’s Friday and I finally found my mojo. You see, I am having a dull day at work so blogging about work is out of the question. I am not going to talk about Anna Nicole because I feel nothing but sad for her and want the story to fade away. I am not going to write anything about Shinehead O’Spears because she scares the Hell out of me and if I remember correctly she bought land in south Florida. She could find me. With the Penguin already after me I must limit my exposure to insane umbrella wielding maniacs. I was out of options until I read about the Academy Awards. Oh thank you Hollywood for giving me something to blog about today.

Presenting the 79th Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences award for Best Director will be Steven Spielberg, Francis Ford Coppola, and George Lucas. The probable winner will be Martin Scorsese or Clint Eastwood. This would put the single greatest collection of amazing film makers on stage together at the same time so what exactly is George “Phantom Menace” Lucas doing on the same stage as Steven “Saving Private Ryan” Spielberg, Francis Ford “Apocalypse Now” Coppola, Martin “More movies than G-d” Scorsese and Clint “Unforgiven” Eastwood anyway?

Sing with me:
One of these things is not like the others,
One of these things just doesn't belong,
Can you tell which thing is not like the others
By the time I finish my song?

Did you guess which thing was not like the others?
Did you guess which thing just doesn't belong?
<--- If you guessed this one is not like the others, Then you're absolutely...right!

Words and Music by Joe Raposo and Jon Stone

To recap my Oscar picks:

Best Actor- Peter O’Toole
Best Actress- Penelope Cruz
Best Supporting Actor- Eddie Murphy
Best Supporting Actress- Jennifer Hudson
Best Animated Feature- Happy Feet
Best Director- Martin Scorsese
Best Cinematography- Pan’s Labyrinth
Best Movie- Letters From Iwo Jima

The reasoning behind my choices can be found here. What are yours?

Saving the Lost- 3 From the Past

These are not new. These are from another page I had up, but stopped using once blogger gave me the labels. Now I am moving them to this page so that they will not be lost again. I hope you enjoy them.

The Failure of Success
Awkward moments combine to form life
Each a second we would rather re-do
But each moment of shame that comes to us each day
Are the essential parts of making someone into you
Success does not teach rather
Shallow, it only wants to show
That we could do what we thought we could
And leaves us without desire to grow
Self-serving fallacy of perfection
Leaves us squinting in the reflective successful glare
No advancement, no pass go, no experience gained
Blinded by the length of our stare
But failure is faithful and patient
With lessons only it can teach
To force you beyond what you know you can do
And grasp those stars you can’t reach
Failure and success, pro and con
One is for you and one serves its own need
Failure will make you better each day
And Success fears the day you succeed


Plaid Hallucinations
Wondrous tension of tide turning tunes
I puck the strings in harmony
Music of deepest darkest desire
Sing in a falsetto key
Plaid hallucinations frolic in fields of green
Splinters shaft and scream through the night
Sitting on ledge on first floor porch stairs
I have no fear at all at this height
Surrounding the scene in a wondrous dream
Watching blades of grass dance in the breeze
Thoughts calm and pure and although I’m not sure
I am peaceful, content and at ease



Playing with Alliteration
Randomizing words formulates complex thoughts above my ability to comprehend
Confusion is a curse compounded by the ever present tones of a reality out of hand
I ponder while perched upon a Pyrex structure about something I have never seen before
While I encase my environment in an envelope of shadow and place it in the basket by the door
Marvelous miracles make magic melodies while marionettes make up the audience for me
And I fall flat on my face while I fain ever present folly to control the fading fantasy
The show starts at noon and the gloom room balloons to a size beyond rational thought
The mirror turns shapes and shades of silhouettes into something I was but am not
No purpose to ponder in these prose of properly randomized words combined to form thoughts complex
And I cannot imagine or imagine I could imagine what babble I will come up with next

Nostalgia

I remember bits and pieces of poems from college
My eyes bleed if I stare too long
They bleed water and my soul hurts
They are random flashes of prose and imagery
Plastic nuns in leather habits
The weary-eyed crucified ladies of the labyrinth
Lining like cheerleaders to the apocalypse after-party
BYOB of course
Some are longer than others and feel almost complete
The dragon wandering without a flame
Playing by the rules, but losing the game
And in his acceptance he lost his might
Laying down and refusing to fight
I question if I will ever find a use for them
He’s looking for gold in a dark silver mind
With no flame to light his way, truth he’ll never find
And we are who he has to blame
For we are the dragon who’s lost its flame
And I wonder if I just did

Politics or Pop Culture?

UPDATE- Harry is still going to Iraq so I was totally wrong today. I just read a report that says his platoon will be shipped out in May to Iraq. Not my day for blogging I see.

Pop culture or politics today…I just cannot decide. There are juicy stories coming from both worlds and I just cannot pick. Know what? I am not going to pick. First will be the pop story and I will follow it with politics. Serena and Little- this first part is for you. Rex, the second has your name all over it.

Pop Culture- Jennifer Aniston shot a nude scene for her movie “The Break-Up”, but it was filmed from behind. It was obvious she was nude on the set, but those in the audience saw nothing. It was a sad day for us perverts until the internet produced a photo from the front. I saw the photo a few weeks ago and immediately wrote it off as a fake. Jennifer does not do nudity and I assumed the security during the filming of the scene would have stopped anyone from sneaking a photo. Remember what they say about making assumptions because the Smoking Gun is confirming the lawsuit today. I am thinking this is Jen’s way of rebuilding her floundering career without having to “forget” to wear panties. Why should Lilo, Paris, and Shinehead O’Spears get all the press?

Speaking of getting all the press- Anna's body is rotting in Broward as the judge decides what to do with it. Does not say a lot for the Broward coroner's office, does it?

Politics- England is removing most of its troops from Iraq. They claim the south is secure and they can leave without problems. The Iraqis are ready to take control there it seems. Boy, are they great allies or what? They cover theirs and leave regardless of the state of Baghdad. A true partner in the war would relocate the unneeded troops from the south to the north where they are certainly needed. A real partner in the war would back us up when we needed it instead of letting us send more of ours as they remove theirs.

I do not support sending more troops, but I also do not support being abandoned by our friends. This would be like if we told the British "well, we got the Nazis out of France so the rest is on you." If you commit to a war, you stay until everyone agrees it is time to go home.

I have a feeling the entire withdraw of the British is a Harry issue to be honest. The British did not want Harry to go, but Harry insisted. The British did not want Harry to fight, but Harry insisted. The British wanted to give Harry extra protection while fighting in Iraq and Harry said no. Now the British are taking their toys and going home. They obviously place a higher value on Harry than they do everything they claimed to be fighting for in Iraq.

I have respect for Harry and have lost the little I had for Blair. Harry was willing to put his life on the line when he did not have to. Harry had an out that Cheney, Bush, and Blair did take, but he did not. Instead, Blair is calling off the war to protect the boy who will never be King of England. He is third inline behind his father and his brother.

Lemming- I hope this makes all lemmings happy.

Any Chance Bush Will Read This?

In Mount Vernon, Va. today President Bush gave a speech at George Washington’s home in honor of his 275th birthday. He decided this was a great chance to compare himself to yet another great American President (a sort of Ying-Yang type thing I suppose) and try to justify his Iraq policies. This guy is getting beyond lame duck and into just sad.

Mr. President, please read this. I hate to see you unknowingly create such great satire.

“(W)e remember that the father of our country believed that the freedoms we secured in our revolution were not meant for Americans alone."

I do not believe George Washington, or the first George W as you referred to him, intended this to mean what you think it to mean. This is not a statement intended to justify starting wars in other countries. It is a statement intended to defend your freedoms. It means that all people are free, not just Americans. It’s just that not all nations recognize those freedoms. That Sir is what makes us such a great country.

"On the field of battle, Washington's forces were facing a mighty empire, and the odds against them were overwhelming. The ragged Continental Army lost more battles than it won, suffered waves of desertions, and stood on the brink of disaster many times. Yet George Washington's calm hand and determination kept the cause of independence and the principles of our Declaration alive."

Mr. President, I think you should refrain from using the Revolutionary War imagery to sell the Iraq war. In this case, it is we that are the mighty empire and the odds were with us. We are not the ragged army in Iraq and we have not suffered waves of desertions. The only brink of disaster is your handling of the war, Sir.

General Washington and the Minutemen were insurgents Mr. President. They broke all the rules of war and used many of the same tactics those we are fighting in Iraq are using today. They went as far as to dress up as Indians (not wearing their uniforms when attacking) to board ships and toss tea into the harbor. If that is not terrorism, what is? Had they access to IED’s I guarantee you they would have used them as well. I think when one is defending their home against an invading army they tend to do whatever will work. They usually win as well because the invading army has to go home at sometime.

"After winning the war, Washington did what victorious leaders rarely did at the time. He voluntarily gave up power.”

Mr. President, you are still in power in Iraq. In reality, you are sending more troops to Iraq and preparing our country for a completely new war in that nation. You declared victory in 2003 yet require more troops in 2007. Had you voluntarily given up power instead of constantly changing the goals we would not be where we are today. Finding weapons of mass destruction quickly became overthrowing Saddam. Not long after the statue fell, it became to help the Iraqis have an election; then another election; then write a constitution; then have another election. They do not believe you ever intend to leave.

"Over the centuries, America has succeeded because we have always tried to maintain the decency and the honor of our first president.”

This was true Mr. President and it was true right up until you invaded Iraq. I wish to G-d that you would study the words you just spoke today and would study the history of the nation you proclaim to love. We are repeating history right now so we already know you did not learn it. We are repeating all the worst aspects of all the lost wars and I beg you to end it.

Stop spinning this disaster and stop looking for a way to salvage your legacy. Go down in history as a leader who learned from his mistakes. That will make you stand out Sir because no leader has done that yet.

Crosstown Traffic- So Hard to Get a Message Through

Pembroke Pines, Florida. It is the home of the most dangerous intersection in America (Flamingo and Pines Boulevard) as well as a giant old age home named Cemetery Village…I mean Century Village. The old age home is located on Pines just a little west of Flamingo. Do you think the two have anything to do with one another?

I have been a bad Blog buddy today and I want to say sorry to all my usual stops. I was sent to Pembroke Pines today around the same time a truck was in the mood to collide with a car and it became all I did today at work. Hello traffic my old friend. Yes, my day today was gas, brake, honk; gas, brake, honk; gas, gas, brake; honk, honk, curse! Thank G-d my Sirius is working once again and thank G-d they added that new station…I have yet to rave about the new station!

Sirius added a grunge station to their lineup and it has made my drives that much more pleasurable. I am hearing songs I have not heard since college and the memories are just overtaking my mind as I drive. Not exactly a great thing to have happen while driving in Miami and heading towards Pines and Flamingo, but I survived. I am typing this to prove my continued existence although I could be someone else pretending to be me. Hang on while I look in the mirror….Yea, it’s me.

How do you know I actually got up and checked? Damn you are a tough crowd! OK, you got me. I am really Darb from another dimension. The only way to send me back to where I came from is to trick me into saying my name backwards and good luck to that. I never have and never will say “Brad” in my life.

NOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! What a world what world!

G-d Says To Darwin "Screw You Buddy"

I realize after the Britster's pictures it might seem like weird photo day here at the Lemming abode. That is probably because it is "Weird Photo Day" here at the Lemming House. I really do not know which strikes me as more bizarre either to be frank- the galloping duck or Sinead O'Spears. I really hope this is not some kind of karmic sign of the week to come. I am enjoying the weirdness personally, but am not sure the normals can handle it.

Choose Your Own Story: Adventure Three

Hare Krishna Hare Krishna
Krishna Krishna Hare Hare
Britney Spears Britney Spears
Spears Spears Britney Britney

Honestly, I got nothing. I think it is a case of comment overload or something. The standard "what the fuck" springs to mind. There is also a strong feeling of "I must get the headlines back from that dead bitch Anna" going on here as well. Sorry I cursed here, but sometimes it is needed. This would be one of those times.

One Friday Over the Line Sweet Jesus, One Friday Over the Line

I finally made it to Friday and I have no further injuries or disease to report! I beat the week from Hell and am still alive so HA on you bad luck cycle! You tried, I give you credit for that. If I had not noticed that my tire was low on air this morning you would have gotten me good, but I am on guard now. A burn to the finger does wonders for your attention span.

I don’t know what happened yesterday, but I am actually relieved there were problems with the commenting on Blogger to be honest. I was feeling a tad unloved. I assumed my opinion on giving credit to illegals would have gotten Rex to comment and was so sad to see nothing. Serena usually avoids the political as does LittleBird so I was not that shocked to see nothing from them, but Rex I know had an opinion and I know it was the exact opposite of mine.

Rex is an amazing creature to me and he intrigues me daily to be frank. I have never met anyone so opposite politically from me and this is not a “Left versus Right” issue either because neither one of us are pure either side. It just is hilarious to me that every time I find myself on the Right side of an issue there is Rex on the Left and it is not him being purposely opposite of me either. He really is just my political reflection and it is great to see how I would be if I made the opposite choices in my life. Not better or worse, just very different yet still the same in many ways. One day he will write his life’s story and we will all be intrigued because there is a “Zorba the Greek” tale there I know it.

The story on the credit card thing is on Blogcritics right now if you cannot comment here and want to please go there. As usual, they are not agreeing with me there. I must be wrong far more often than I allow myself to admit. Can that be or am I just wrong? Damnit…I am doomed to be wrong either way that means. Curses…foiled again!

Political Child (A Slight Return)

I have been avoiding politics lately for various reasons, but a story is in the news and has urged me to speak my mind. It is the typical multi-layered story that causes lots of press and outrage on the surface before anyone even bothers to think about it. Bank of America has decided to issue credit cards to illegal immigrants and this decision has caused waves of outrage and disgust from the average person, but should it? Is this really as dumb as it admittedly sounds?

A credit card is a trust based form of currency. It is simply an instant loan from a bank to an individual to assist in purchasing and is also used as a form of identification. To many, illegal immigrants have shown they are not to be trusted because they already broke the law to get here and are breaking more laws staying and working here so it makes no sense to validate them by giving them credit cards. I think it makes perfect sense to give them credit cards personally and I think you will see why.

The biggest problem facing those trying to enforce the immigration laws are that those breaking those laws remain under the radar. They cannot get Ids, they cannot get Social Security cards, and they cannot get credit cards. This forces them to remain underground and untraceable. Once they cross the boarder they vanish from all law enforcement and immigration agencies and they will not resurface again. This leaves stopping them at the boarder as the only option left to INS and they obviously need more because they are not stopping anyone.

Our society is becoming more and more of a cashless society everyday. The amount of things a person cannot do if they have no credit is growing daily. These people have worked very hard to get here and are already criminals in the eyes of the law so it is not that far a stretch for them to break more laws to stay here- stealing identity for example. If they could get credit cards they would become part of the system. They could not vanish because every purchase could be traced. There is no way to trace cash. We would force the illegal immigrants to come above ground.

“But the government cannot get the records of credit card companies to do those checks.”

I believe they could without changing any laws or taking anyone’s liberties away. The Constitution gives only the government the right to coin money. As we continue on our path to becoming a paperless society the credit card is becoming the currency of the nation. As I said before, you must have a credit card in America to do most things. This means that right now our currency is owned and controlled by private companies and not the government.

I believe it is time for Bank of America and Citibank and all other credit companies to lose the privilege of printing money and it should return to the Feds. It is one of the few times I support returning power to the federal government. We already have our elections in the hands of companies instead of the people and look how wonderfully those have been going, but that is for another article another day. Today I am just saying that giving credit to those here illegally will force those who want to remain underground above ground and reduce (not end) the amount of identity theft committed by those who are otherwise law abiding illegal immigrants who want to become part of the country.

Why create another barrier and force them to break more laws?

People on Ludes Should Not Blog

I made a minor tweak to my page. Nothing Earth shattering or anything too severe or anything,I just got rid of the "Click Here to Read More" part of the code. Now full stories will appear on the front page without you having to click for more.

Why make the change? Paranoia to be perfectly frank. I started wondering if people thought I only made one paragraph posts and I was wasting time with the extra verbiage.

I like the word "Verbiage" and it seems most apropos to how I write. I mean why say it once or in a few words if you can say it over and over again in many different ways? Why not be redundant? Repetitive? Say the same thing over and over? Go back over covered ground? Circular? Did I use "redundant" yet? Damn, I did.

Anyway, I started the click here to read more thing because I was afraid of my page being too long and people skipping it due to length, but now I fear my page is not being read because the posts are mostly hidden.

I am starting to think I will not have to document my declining sanity for very long- it appears I am already well past insane. I can't remember the rules for when to start a new paragraph either. I remembered it when I did not blog, but now that I am concerned about my grammar (there is a word cop out there ya know) I find myself second and third guessing myself. I think I see a trip to school in my very near future. Possibly a summer writing course or something.

My finger has two little burns on the tip that look exactly like a pair of eyes. My finger has been staring at me all day. I hate when things stare. I never keep a potato in my home because they got eyes everywhere. There is no escaping the ever present gaze of the spud. The vegetable sponsored by Big Brother and the Department of Homeland Security. I know, that was redundant again.

I will try to be more serious and stick to a topic tomorrow. I mean I will try to actually have a topic tomorrow instead or rambling babble, but it was fun to type. I wonder how many more Lemmings just threw themselves off the cliff.

When Black Wednesday Comes

Woke up this morning and shook hands with my toaster. I got the bottom of my finger on that glowing red eye thing and the top on the roof of my toaster. The bagel was laughing like mad- it knew I was planning on eating it and I don’t think it was too keen on the idea. It must have arranged this last minute reprieve with my cat who caused the chaos at just the right moment to make my eyes turn and my hand miss the bagel completely. Pain for sure, but wakes you up faster than caffeine.

Someone or something or some force took that entire “Black Wednesday” thing a little too seriously as well because today at work literally was a black Wednesday. I have been here for an hour about so far and the power has already gone off, turned back on, turned off again, stayed off, ,and is back on.

The wondrous and melodic chirps of a sea of battery back-ups screeching with all their might bounced off the walls, ricocheted off the floors, and went directly into my ears. A loud dark office is no place to be while one’s finger is throbbing to a techno beat. Then, as my headache was about to match the pain in my finger, the power suddenly turned on and I had to return to work thankfully. My finger still hurts, but at least now I can watch it go from red and irritated to white and puffy.

Stay tuned for more elements of Kanrei’s growing insanity. Only here at the Lemming House.

Next time on “The Lemming House”- Kanrei goes for a cigarette break only to discover his lighter is resting comfortably on his computer desk AT HOME.

The Post Script Post

I am in the mood to babble tonight, sorry. I have settled on a direction for my blog finally. It only took me seven months and almost 300 posts to do it. Hang on, I wonder how many posts I have done...WOW! This one will make 308. So it took me seven months and 308 posts to decide on a direction. I wonder how many posts per month that is? Hang on...never mind. Started off with a tangent that time. Threw you off I bet. Probably not still reading I bet.

If I blog and no one reads it, are there words? Oh yea, the point. I have decided to document my decline from sanity. Inspired by the Shooting Sizemore show on VH-1. Inspired by that soda wars post. Both Shooting Sizemore and the soda wars post inspired me. Well, one inspired me and the other was my first step. Not sure which came first though. One is the chicken and one is the egg. Which would be the chicken? Tom would be pissed if I called him a chicken, but how would he take the egg handle?

Focus! I am going to show the world I see for better or for worse. I am going to lose most of you, but those brave enough to venture into the deepest confines of my mind will only be more damaged for the experience. Damaged is the wrong word; strong.

I can't lie to you: damaged was the right word. It is a screwed up place between my ears and just below my bald spot. Right now a small Lego army is mounting a siege on my cerebral cortex because they are convinced there is Jell-o inside. Won't they be shocked when they find out I ate the Jell-o years ago and replaced it with salt water taffy. Everyone knows Lego soldiers can't eat salt water taffy in February.

I have opened the door. Did you enter? Are you still with me? You are insane if any of that made sense and I suggest skipping therapy and going right to shock treatment. Please do it for the children.

Time for the Bitter Report!: with Kanrei

Bah and humbug! I know it’s the wrong holiday for that classic of seasonal literature, but is there a more appropriate holiday for such a term really? Most holidays can be celebrated alone, but not this cursed black Hallmark holiday. The very nature of this day is “couples only” and hand lotion for the single. Stay out of sight because your solitude might upset the happy people. Bah and humbug!

Saints I believe are a Catholic creation. That would make Saint Valentine a Catholic saint and his day a Catholic holiday. What does public displays of affection have to do with the Catholic church? I thought they opposed pre-marital sex. How exactly did this disease of displaying one’s affection in public spread out to the general public anyway? Can we pass a law banning it or something?

I am not going to hide behind the separation of Church and state thing because it technically is not a national holiday, but come on. Given that there is no clear cause and effect relationship between second hand smoke and cancer it seems clear to me that smoking in doors was banned mainly due to the nuisance factor. All I am proposing is that the same nuisance factor be considered for those of us who are single and wish to enjoy our meal without seeing some morbidly obese couple exchange kisses between bites of their Macaroni Grill entrée’. Is it too much to ask that I actually get a meal in my stomach before having the desire to expel it back onto the table?

Tomorrow should be placed in its proper context and it is not a day to celebrate love. Oh no, hardly. It is a day to make it easier to spot the single people. Those of us who have no kids yet pay for schools. Those of us who pay more in taxes because we are single and childless. Those of us whose opinions do not matter; who must live in a world where “for the children” rules and couples are above the single. What kind of life is that?

Tomorrow I proclaim the start of a new world. A world free of public displays of affection and so called “love” holidays. I proclaim a world where gay people cannot marry and not because they are gay, but because marriage itself has been outlawed. I proclaim a world where the greeting card is used for birthdays and greetings only and all Hallmark holidays are forever null and void. I proclaim a world where flowers and diamonds are no different than anything else taken from the Earth. I proclaim a world where everyone is encouraged to fall in love, but encouraged even more to keep it to themselves. Oh won’t someone please think of my virgin eyes?!

Assuming I wake up tomorrow to this world and realize no one gives a damn about what I proclaim, have a happy Black Wednesday. Spend it with someone you don’t even know and make their day. If you know everyone I suppose settle for the one you love, but if you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with. Doo-doo, doo-doo, do, do,do-do.

Gimme a Cliff Damnit!

ARGH! Just ARGH! I know Black Wednesday is tomorrow, but can't I get a little love today? I just want to update my blog for the love of G-d and I can't! My computer at home is infected and my computer at work just remembered it is POS PC and refuses to allow me to use Word.

What the hell is going on with me and computers right now? Do I have the fecal-cyber-Midas touch? You know what that is, right? It's when every computer I touch goes to shit.

I started a great piece on North Korea and the irony of making the same deal with them they broke three years ago, but it is gone. Poof! Zap! Kaboom! I will try to redo it when I get home, but my blogging from work today is over. I feel guilty enough writing something at work without feeling like the time was completely wasted by having nothing to show for it.

ARGH! Just ARGH!

Not Only Me Sick

I had a virus infested house this weekend. Not only was I sick, but my computer came down with a nasty Trojan as well. Something called "Gromozon" and oh my G-d is it a mutha-fuka! It gets past your virus detector AND your spyware blocker somehow and writes itself into everything and I do mean everything. I had to go into safe mode just to track the bugger down. It comes from a website pretending to be something else and once it gets into your system it creates its own Windows ID on your computer and goes from there. It connects to the internet and does whatever it is it does.

I learned today that while it is easy to spot (adware missed it, but CounterSpy got it), it is impossible to remove once there. I reformatted my hard drive today and am still reinstalling things. I cannot even say for certain if I got the little bugger. I may be doing all this for nothing. We will know once my spyware detector is installed again.

Fingers crossed.

It's Fri....Saturday!

Where is the Friday? A question a child may ask, but not a childish question. Actually I am flattered anyone would ask, more flattered than you could know. The Friday this week was sabotaged by a good friend of mine who I did not believe was as sick as he claimed to be. To prove he was he infected me and I have been asleep for the past 48 hours almost. I did not only call in sick to work, but missed work. I hate being home for long periods of time and this four day weekend is going to drive me nuts. I mean I have not even really been online that much. The only reason I got the Anna Nicole thing up was because I was laying in bed and listening to CourtTv on Sirius and it was all they could talk about.

This Anna Nicole story is going to be more interesting than the surface “pop starlet found dead” story that has been covered. It seems there are many legal questions that are going to be raised as to the $88 million she was worth and who it goes to. Was she married to lawyer or where they just friends? Was it a legal marriage or a common law if they were married? Would her lawyer/ husband retain custody of her baby daughter even if he turns out not to be the father? Is her daughter in her will? Did she update the will since the death of her son? Would the estate fall under Bahamian law or American law? And these questions do not even cover the how or why she died in the first place.

I am awake finally and must work on taking more vitamins or something. I seem to catch every and any disease wandering about my friends and co-workers. I am a virus magnet and breeding ground for disease internally. At least I get plenty of rest. I will update more later as I (hopefully) feel better.

R. I. P. Anna Nicole Smith

Anna Nicole Smith died today at 39 years old. I was not a fan and did not dislike her. While being famous simply for being famous, I think she was always aware of it. She never pretended to be anything other than a ditzy blonde who just wanted to have fun. I think I respected that deep down. From the little I know of her I have nothing but sympathy for her. She was a wreck yes, but I do not know how much of her life I could have handled and remained sane.

Rest in peace Anna Nicole– rest in the peace you never found in life.

The National Appeal for the Fictional

In today’s celebrity obsessed world, we tend to forget the other side of the entertainment world; the fictional characters. Do we really do enough to take care of the created after the sequels are over with like we do for the creators? I mean it is not like Batman really has any other job opportunities if they stop making the movies. Sure, the actor will get other jobs, but Batman can only be Batman. If they stop making movies the character is unemployed and I seriously doubt there is a pension plan for fictional characters.

I know you are saying that Batman is also Bruce Wayne and Bruce is loaded. Bad example I admit, but the point is still there. Once the movies are over with the characters that were brought to life are left to wander around and pray for a sequel someday. They have to eat. They have families to feed and bills to pay so, with no source of income naturally we are going to see a rise in fictional crime in the real world.

You think I am joking right now I bet, but read on dear skeptics, read on. In Hollywood California, just this week, on February 3rd we had a run-in between an unemployed character and some tourists.

After three successful movies and numerous television appearances in the late 70’s and early 80’s Chewbacca had grown accustomed to a certain lifestyle. With the serious lack of quality Werewolf movies being produced he found his options for acting were limited to “Star Wars” related affairs only. His royalties for the first three movies were almost gone due to an unfair contract his first manager made him sign and he needed desperately to work.

Around 1993 the talk around town was that Lucas was preparing to make a new batch of “Star Wars” movies and Chewbacca felt his ship had finally come in. He was currently $3 million in the hole to the local Hutt, Guava, and really could use the work, but Lucas would not take his calls. Lucas was going the prequel route instead and had no use for the Wookie. Chewie was forced back onto the streets to pose for photos– the shame of the fictional world. This was his downfall.

"Nobody tells this Wookiee what to do" was the battle cry from an unemployed Wookie as he slammed his massive furry head into the head of a Hollywood tour guide. The tour guide’s crime– protecting two Japanese tourists from the possible hunger induced Wookie rage.

The true shame and horror of this tragic turn of events in Chewbacca’s life is that the entire crime was “witnessed” by Superman who did nothing to stop it. Seems the man of steel is on strike when the cameras are not rolling, but can we really blame him? What other options do these characters have to earn a living? Would you hire a fictional character? Honestly?

This is not the first time and it is not the last time we will see assaults come from the fictional. There are those who will want to pass harsher laws to punish the fictional instead of working to correct this growing employment and re-education problem. The L.A. Times is reporting that just two years ago Mr. Incredible and the “Scream” kiler were arrested for “aggressive begging.” Locking them up is not the option because, while no one will hire a fictional character, no one would even consider an ex-con fictional character. We would only add to the rise in fictional crimes.

Pray the new Tickle Me Elmo sold well because Elmo was picked up back then too. Can you believe Elmo and Chewbacca have been reduced to begging? Please support you local sequel.

Matt and Rudy: Trouble?

At Matt Drudge's site I saw something rather funny. Well, at least to me. A really low blow for politics yet a funny slam. What do you think?

How is that for a tease to click to read more?

I saw this picture at Drudge's site-

Next to it I saw this picture-


Something Matt wants to tell the group about how he really feels about Rudy?

Lemming II: The Return of the Kanrei

Call off the hounds. Cancel the port and harbor searches. Recall the National Guard and forget about the Amber Alert. I suppose you could give me the reward since I found me, but the point is the Kanrei has been found and returned. I know you were on the edge of your seat or bed as the case may be wondering what became of our favorite rodent. Are lemmings rodents? I think they are. Regardless, the lemming known as “Kanrei” is back.

I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend. I actually did. My father and I got along really well and he saw an adult for the first time I think. The gray hairs and bald spot might have helped him to see it possibly. I don’t know really, but it was nice to see an adult version of my dad. Retirement has mellowed him out quite a bit. He is enjoying life now I think and therefore is less bitter.

I watched the Super Bowl this year from pre-game to post. I know, more shocks. It felt like I was watching a different game than the officials. I have to tell you that I have never in my life seen so many bad calls and wrong guesses in my entire life. I am so ashamed of myself for speaking during a football game like I knew what I was talking about. Every instant replay proved me so wrong it. I mean I even backed the Bears and, in the 4th was saying “they can still win.”

“There are 39 second left and they are down by 12 Brad.”

“So, it could happen. They can still win!”

If any real football fans read here I have a question. I know Manning played for Tennessee and Grossman played for Florida, but did they play at the same time and ever face each other in one of those rivalry games? If so, who won?

Two Super Bowl commercials stick out in my head. I loved the "Rock, Paper, Scissors" Budweiser ad. The Coke "Grand Theft Auto" ad where the guy was helping everyone was great as well. The rest were fairly lame.
Good to be home even though it was far too short that I was away. Irony or a catch-22: you decide. My friend did too good a job of watching my cats while I was away. They were upset to see me walk through the door instead of him I think. He spoiled them. Their toys were out; the wet-food dishes were used; the treats were on the coffee table. My cats are whores and their love is for sales it seems. Now I got to buy them back.

Thank you for watering the plants while I was away and getting the mail. Till the morrow….

Super Bowl in Miami so I am LeavingTown

I live! Never fear for only great heights can harm those who are of pure lemming at heart. Those evil storms were north of me, actually pretty near where I used to live before I moved back here. Once again moving to Miami proves to be a wise choice. Yay destiny!

I will be in Tampa until Monday visiting my father and possibly an old friend if time permits. Despite my worry I am sure it will be a great time. Send out positive vibes for me please and try to keep G-d amused. I feel like one of His favorite toys sometimes and I really would like the weekend off. Is the Super Bowl on Fox? If not enjoy the Simpsons and if so enjoy those Super Bowl commercials. Either way have a great weekend.

This one is not continued inside. Most are so if you have not been clicking that little link you are missing out. =D

Fri(RALPH)day

Today is not my usual Friday. It is not good and it is not bad, yet something is still amiss right now. I woke up to that wonderful feeling of vomit rising from my stomach eager to see the light of day. It almost made it out three times before finally getting free. No, I am not sick, I just have a nervous stomach and tomorrow I am actually going to try for Tampa and my father yet again.

I believe I can actually make it tomorrow. I am the little engine that could. I am going to fight my growing agoraphobia and actually leave my house for a weekend. I am going to ignore that onslaught of things that could go wrong and concentrate instead on the things that will go right. My head is racing with everything possible problem that could come up from my car breaking down to my house burning down to a terrorist attack happening. I really am not joking about that agoraphobia thing either. My hands are shaking just at the thought of being away, far away from my home for the next 48 hours. After five years of avoiding travel I am starting to realize it was less my choice and more my fear keeping me home.

Why am I so scared right now? Terrified is a better word. I would so much rather just stay at home in my bathrobe this weekend and watch endless documentaries and play videogames and blog. I am going to have to actually talk to and see people this weekend and I will have no control over when, how, or for how long I must see them. Is it agoraphobia or just a control issue for me actually? Either way I am not the happiest of campers at this moment. I feel trapped with each minute bringing me closer to tomorrow and the reality of travel.

I also am nervous wondering what wonderful joke G-d has planned for tomorrow since He always has such wonderful plans for when I try to travel. I mean the car throwing a rod two years ago was funny, but nothing beats the bleeding ass of this last year. Am I going to wake up dead tomorrow? What part of my body will be bleeding this time? Do you think my father is just as nervous? Am I scared to see him or scared to leave my house? At least work is going smoothly today.

Maybe G-d will be on my side this time and forgo the entertainment I usually provide Him. I will tell you what G-d, if you make this weekend go smoothly and all go well I will be a bigger fool all next week just for You. You will not remember when you laughed so hard if you find someone else to entertain you this weekend, I promise; deal?

Friday Quickie

Good news- Defense Secretary Robert Gates says there is no plan to attack Iran.

"The President has made clear, the Secretary of State has made clear, I've made clear ... we are not planning for a war with Iran,"

Bad news- There obviously was no plan for attacking Iraq either. Personally I would like a plan. We do not seem to wing it very well.

Lemming Alert Update: Do I Get My Hopes Up?

I do not know who or what to thank right now, but I should probably sacrifice some small animal to some internet deity or something. My cats are hiding as I type this like they both have something to worry about. One is a precious little love machine who I could never sacrifice for any reason, but the other one…

The reason for the joy and the desire to appease the gods is that I got a miracle in my email just now– Serena left a comment on my site!

Is it possible that Blogger actually fixed something? Can it be that, after days and weeks and months of bugs with each showing up the one that came before; can it be that they actually fixed the code? Oh do I dare dream that it will remain fixed? Do I make plans for the next time I am locked out or do I just bask in the comfort of being allowed back in my own house?

On the Word update, I found a program called “Atlantis 1.6” that is only 29.99 after a 30 day trial. So far it is decent: no Word, but it will do. It corrects my spelling which is just a G-d send, but I don’t get the security of the grammar lines. The only really annoying thing about the program are the sounds, but you can disable them easily. I think I am going to try and go back to Word somehow though, even if I must buy it.

One last thing– I am going to play with the template tonight a little and see if I can take advantage of any of those nifty beta toys. Do not be alarmed. There is no need to find the nearest cliff. Glad to be back.

No Shortage on Stupid

The internet is abuzz right now with the story of the “Boston Bomb Scare.” It turned out that those devices spread all about Boston were not only NOT bombs, not only were they not dangerous, but they had apparently been in the city for weeks without a single soul noticing them. In fact, they have been in numerous cities for weeks without so much as a single person noticing them. Then, suddenly yesterday the Boston police receive 911 calls reporting strange devices all around the city and it becomes national news. This makes me say “hummmmmmmm.”

The devices were not bombs or anything else nefarious, but rather a marketing gimmick thought up by the Cartoon Network to promote their show Aqua Teen Hunger Force. They placed these devices in cities such as New York, Seattle, and Boston among others to raise awareness of the show and the upcoming movie. Since they were up for weeks it is safe to assume the marketing campaign did not work at all. It is also safe to assume that, since the Boston police is claiming that “"there's no indication it came from panicked residents" that the calls therefore came from the Cartoon Network because they had placed all these ads everywhere weeks ago and no one noticed them. If you run an ad and no one talks about it, does it really advertise anything?

The city of Boston is charging two employees of Turner Broadcasting Systems, Inc with “placing a hoax device that results in panic and disorderly conduct.” Can they really say it caused a panic if no one saw them? Either way, the accused claim it was harmless advertising, but September 11th did change many of the unwritten rules we live by. While I do not believe these men should be charged personally with anything because they were doing their jobs and probably assumed the company had gotten the proper clearance before starting such a campaign, the Cartoon Network and Turner Broadcasting should have to reimburse Boston for the resources spent to deal with the chaos they caused and they should be fined for creating a public hoax. There are rules as to how advertisers can go about their business and they knew exactly what they were doing which is why it was done in such major population centers and done covertly.

We are not here for the business world to manipulate and toy with no matter how much they think we are. Right now everyone is talking about this story and including the release date for the movie I had no idea was even coming out. See, it worked. I say we boycott the movie now just to show them we don’t like being toyed with. It is time we remind businesses and governments and celebrities that they work for us, not the other way around. They exist because we allow them too. We pay them. We are not cash registers for them and, if we do not like what they are selling we need to remind them that they need us.

Yea, I am talking about Aqua Teen Hunger Force, but I am not going to be seeing any time soon. When I do talk of it I will be discussing that show that obviously cannot survive on the merit of its work and, instead must create controversy for ratings. What else should I assume of a show that has been on for a while obviously, yet this is the first I have noticed it and they had to do this for that notice? Remember, I am a cartoon fan so for me to not know this show must make it really lame.

Lemming Alert Update: Same Hell Different Day

My keys are still sitting there. Darth Vader Lego is still laughing or breathing hard- I still cannot tell. Oh, and I can not even see my site on most attempts today. Yay for Blogger! You have out done yourself today.

On the bright side (sort of) I am not suffering alone today. This makes it a bright side only because it lets me know it is Blogger's problem and not yet another roadblock set up from my POS computer. I was really afraid my computer was screwing up once again. I should thank Southern Writer and Serena and PWZ for sharing in my hell. I cannot even get PWZ to open at all. At least I can read Southern Writer and I even got to comment on Serena's.

Keep your fingers crossed and avoid those cliffs.