Wednesday, February 07, 2007

The National Appeal for the Fictional

In today’s celebrity obsessed world, we tend to forget the other side of the entertainment world; the fictional characters. Do we really do enough to take care of the created after the sequels are over with like we do for the creators? I mean it is not like Batman really has any other job opportunities if they stop making the movies. Sure, the actor will get other jobs, but Batman can only be Batman. If they stop making movies the character is unemployed and I seriously doubt there is a pension plan for fictional characters.

I know you are saying that Batman is also Bruce Wayne and Bruce is loaded. Bad example I admit, but the point is still there. Once the movies are over with the characters that were brought to life are left to wander around and pray for a sequel someday. They have to eat. They have families to feed and bills to pay so, with no source of income naturally we are going to see a rise in fictional crime in the real world.

You think I am joking right now I bet, but read on dear skeptics, read on. In Hollywood California, just this week, on February 3rd we had a run-in between an unemployed character and some tourists.

After three successful movies and numerous television appearances in the late 70’s and early 80’s Chewbacca had grown accustomed to a certain lifestyle. With the serious lack of quality Werewolf movies being produced he found his options for acting were limited to “Star Wars” related affairs only. His royalties for the first three movies were almost gone due to an unfair contract his first manager made him sign and he needed desperately to work.

Around 1993 the talk around town was that Lucas was preparing to make a new batch of “Star Wars” movies and Chewbacca felt his ship had finally come in. He was currently $3 million in the hole to the local Hutt, Guava, and really could use the work, but Lucas would not take his calls. Lucas was going the prequel route instead and had no use for the Wookie. Chewie was forced back onto the streets to pose for photos– the shame of the fictional world. This was his downfall.

"Nobody tells this Wookiee what to do" was the battle cry from an unemployed Wookie as he slammed his massive furry head into the head of a Hollywood tour guide. The tour guide’s crime– protecting two Japanese tourists from the possible hunger induced Wookie rage.

The true shame and horror of this tragic turn of events in Chewbacca’s life is that the entire crime was “witnessed” by Superman who did nothing to stop it. Seems the man of steel is on strike when the cameras are not rolling, but can we really blame him? What other options do these characters have to earn a living? Would you hire a fictional character? Honestly?

This is not the first time and it is not the last time we will see assaults come from the fictional. There are those who will want to pass harsher laws to punish the fictional instead of working to correct this growing employment and re-education problem. The L.A. Times is reporting that just two years ago Mr. Incredible and the “Scream” kiler were arrested for “aggressive begging.” Locking them up is not the option because, while no one will hire a fictional character, no one would even consider an ex-con fictional character. We would only add to the rise in fictional crimes.

Pray the new Tickle Me Elmo sold well because Elmo was picked up back then too. Can you believe Elmo and Chewbacca have been reduced to begging? Please support you local sequel.


Scary Monster said...

Yo like, word, what up. That some crazy truth you preachin me was inna joint with that muthafukkaa. Homey were talkin all kindsa crazy shit bout him bein Mr. incredulous or indelible or Incredible some shit like that. He were posing and flexin like governor arnold. No body belived him. thought he be just anuther crazy ofey.
Saw him last week. he be ass out tryin to sell his autograf in front of the chineese theater. Yo that's like some wacked out shit

Kanrei said...

Wonder Woman has been reduced to turning tricks on Hollywood and Vine. She stand there in her corset offering to tie men up and make them tell the truth for a 20. So sad to see the once mighty Amazon lowered to a simple crack-ho simply because her movie got dropped.

Something must be done.

Serena Joy said...

I can see that I need to get myself out to Hollywood and do something about the poseur crack-ho. She givin' all Wonder Women everywhere a bad name. Shoot, I can make 'em tell me the truth for free, no ropes/cuffs involved. She don't know nothin'. Maybe I fix her up with Chewbaca.

littlebirdblue said...

Maybe I fix her up with Chewbacca

I think Serizzle's in a matchmakin' mood.

Moby said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kanrei said...

I hate deleted comments. Now I am forever going to wonder what was said. That is worse than the insult that was probably there...
Now I am haunted.

Serena Joy said...

LOL, Little Bird. Sometimes Serizzle feel like fixin' up her own self.:)

A lot of times, Kan, people will delete a comment for misspellings or misinformation and then repost the corrected version. When they don't repost, it does make you wonder, doesn't it?