Thursday, December 07, 2006

The Sign of G-d

I am back! My head hurts and my nose is a sieve, but I am back. Not only that, but the news today has me converting. Yes, you read that correctly. I am converting because the news has shown me beyond a reasonable doubt that my beliefs have been incorrect and I must adjust my belief system from believing in Evolution to becoming one of the Intelligent Design people.

I know it is a shock and I promise you this is not some aftereffect of my illness typing. I am thinking clearly and know my new beliefs are correct. The news today has given me that last bit of proof I needed and I must thank Taco Bell and New Jersey. They are the major contributors to this newfound sense of clarity.

As many of you probably know there has been an E. coli outbreak in New England over the last few weeks. So far 47 people in New Jersey, New York and Pennsylvania have been confirmed to be infected with at least a dozen more cases being investigated. Taco Bell has been associated with 15 outbreaks in New York with another 15 being investigated. In response to the outbreak, the New Jersey Department of Health and Senior Services Commissioner Fred Jacobs has asked that every Taco Bell in New Jersey throw out all of their food and that the restaurants undergo a thorough sanitizing. Fire would work maybe?

I never believed in intelligent design before, but this story is making me second guess that belief. Taco Bell sucks and I have known it for pretty much my entire life. I have never understood how they stayed in business and how G-d could allow such a nasty and foul-tasting product to continue under the guise of being food. Their mere existence was enough proof of a void in the Heavens for me, but now I see I was wrong and G-d was just taking His time.

The L-rd works in mysterious ways indeed and E. coli is His latest ploy. Considering that Taco Bell is owned by the same company that owns Pizza Hut and KFC it would appear that maybe G-d is reclaiming all food in His name and driving out the false servers of nourishment.

All praise E coli as long as it continues to do this noble and needed work without a body count!

1 comment:

RexZeitgiest said...

Hey Kan, glad you are feeling better, brother....Sorry I haven't been in for couple of days, I am on a war footing and I know that bothers you (and everyone else on earth)...

I am glad you are getting over your illness....

P.S. Check your email