Lemming House X-Clusive! Mark Foley's Alien Connection

By Kanrei

Mark Foley today claimed that he had been abducted by homosexual aliens ten years ago. They took him deep into Uranus where they taught him the joy of dirty talking.

“Type dirty to me baby” Xezop said to him his first night there. “Use that space bar the way I like it.”

The full story as best we at the lemming house can piece together is as follows:

Mark Foley, former Congressional Representative for the state of Florida was abused by a drunk priest from Uranus as a child. It is something he kept hidden out of fear it would ruin his political career, but we can tell you the full story now.

Young Mark Foley would wait outside nightly. He would gaze lustingly at the skies awaiting his holy pervert alien anal-word-fest to begin. It was his grandest memories of youth and an important part of any growing 17 year old’s experience. They would often take him to their “text message singles club” and they would party the night away until they had blisters on their fingers.

We should note at this point that he was never involved in any physical abuse from what our limited unpaid reporter could tell. The “anal-word-fest” was added by the reporter because he felt “it was too good to let go.” It seems like it was mostly just descriptive in nature.

Over the next few year talking dirty became his “thing”. It is a little known fact that Poison’s debut release “Talk Dirty to Me” was actually inspired by this Florida official. His problem was that a door to door rubber nipple salesman is not the occupation for weird kinky sex that you don’t have to pay for. Not that I know or anything. Moving on…

Seeing Bill Clinton and his success with interns inspired our Mr. Foley. He realized that public orifice…office is the place for him. He ran for a House seat and won because no one votes for the House unless it is a Presidential year. He was in and was given his own harem, I mean stable, I mean group of pages. The rest is history.

See, it is a Democrat’s fault.

And now you know.
And knowing is half the battle.
G.I. Joe.

*Disclaimer: The views you have just read in no way reflect the reality the rest of you live in. We accept no liability for any damage caused to your good sense if you were not wearing the proper tin foil cap during the literary voyage. The facts presented in the story exist in the mind of the author and in other lead painting eating children world-wide. The mind is a terrible thing to waste.

The Management