Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Gimme a Ticket for an Aeroplane

Have you ever considered being a Russian? Seriously! Have you ever in your life thought, even if only for a fleeting second that you might just want to leave the land of the free and the home of the brave for the hammer and sickle of oppression? Me either…until today. They may not have warmth or freedom, but they know how to throw a holiday. I should back up I think.

Ulyanovsk is a city in Russia located 853km from Moscow to the east according to Wikipedia. Its claim to fame it that it is the birthplace of Lenin. No, not John; Vladimir. You know Vlad! He was the first leader of the Soviet Union and was succeeded by Stalin. There ya go! That Lennon…I mean Lenin. You got me all confused now too.

ANYWAYS….it seems we are not the only ones not wanting to be a Russian as they are suffering a huge birth shortage/ early death problem. I never thought about it or had reason to, but Russian is appearntly "one of the most sparsely settled countries in the world" with only 141 million people. That is roughly half of the United States' population and 14% of China's one billion.

To battle this problem, the leaders of the township, city, etc, etc, etc, have come up with a new holiday and I want it here or else I become Russian tomorrow! September 12 is officially the “Day of Conception” in that town. They get the day off work and everything! To have sex! It is their patriotic duty to have sex and they get the day off to do it! The "it!" The big "it!"

OK, “new holiday” is a bit of a stretch I admit. I am sure Russians have been having sex for a long time and even this event is in its third year, but as NBC says- if you haven’t seen it then it’s new to you! They even give away prizes to couples who "give birth to a patriot" during another holiday on June 12. Think about it- cars, cash, and after-birth! Those Russians know how to throw a party.

We have freedom and they have sex: patriotic sex. Seems like a fair trade to me. Plus, think about all Russia is doing to increase the world's June Gemini count. Seems to me like they are doing some wonderful things for the planet. We don't need more people per say, but we can always use more June Geminis. And who knows, we may get a May one or two in the deal.

PS- I know the word is "airplane," but the song pronounces it as "Air-O-Plane" and I felt the other spelling worked better. Word Cop- move on. Nothing to see here =P

8 comments:

Serena Joy said...

Can one still observe the official sex holiday if there's no conceivable way one is going to produce a new little patriot?:-)

P.S. Word Cop says aeroplane is, in fact, a legitimate word.

Variant E said...

I'm not very political but I'd definitely favor a sex holiday. Oh, and don't mention aeroplanes to me after 22 flights this summer...

Kanrei said...

22 flights....sure, rub it in Mr. Travelling Man.

SJ, I think its the effort that counts. You just don't qualify for the prizes.

Serena Joy said...

I don't want the prize, I just want to play well in the spirit of good sportsmanship.:-)

Kanrei said...

Yeah, let's do it for our country, the red, white, and the blue,
It's not a lot to ask of us, our parents will approve.

-Grease 2

Serena Joy said...

I get the part of Pinky Tuscadero.:)

Camille Alexa said...

That's a good story. Not fluffy at all, but still fun.

Loving the Box Tops reference. "The Letter" is one of my faves.

Kanrei said...

I am out of practice with my essays so the fluff stories are a perfect warm-up. Soon the political rants begin anew. (listens to the monstrous silence) Or not =D