Wednesday, July 23, 2008

I Picked my Post!

What is worse: being caught picking your nose or having someone think they caught you picking your nose? For me I would guess having someone think they caught me. I have never been one to take issue when caught doing something wrong. Who am I to deprive you of the joy I get when I catch someone in the act of embarrassing themselves? Sure, I could be like everyone else and live by the double standard of “it ain’t funny if I am the punchline” and many will say I already do live that way (mom), but I cannot always be that selfish. The fear of being busted is the only excitement picking your nose has left. It stopped being a source for snacks after I turned 7.

Today, I find myself scratching the outside of my nose more and more often. I probably appear like someone with a really bad coke habit by the amount my nostrils itch, but I assure you they just itch; especially when driving. Besides, I live in Miami and everyone is scratching their noses…usually due to a really bad coke habit.

I am not sure what it is about the car that makes my nose itch so badly, but most nostril scratching is done while driving. Perhaps it is the combination of the vibration and those weird new hairs that seem to grow amazingly fast and long in my nose causing the itching. Either way, I am sure while I drive around numerous people glance over at me in disgust and wonder things like “how can a grown man be so involved in picking his nose” or “doesn’t he realize glass is transparent both ways and we can see his digging for gold very clearly?” The answer is “I am not picking it, just scratching the outside because it itches,” but who would believe that?

The most common answer given by people who are caught picking their nose is that they were not picking, but scratching. Kind of like when I was 13, I was not playing with myself, just adjusting…for a long, long time. While it is probably true that more times than not the person really is just scratching an itch, but try to convince anyone they did not see what they thought they saw when what they thought they saw was really gross, embarrassing, and funny and did not involve themselves for the joke.

Do I still pick my nose at 37? Sometimes yes, I have been known to “clean house” as Seinfeld put it once in an episode, and I am willing to bet more people do it than will ever admit to doing it. How do you dispose of your winnings if you do? I tend to use tissue, paper towels, or the back of a near-by friend’s shirt. Sometimes, when at a friend’s house, their furniture will do in a pinch…or a pet if they have an especially furry one.

So, did you make it through this entire post without touching your nose once? Yeah, right. You were picking and you know it! =P

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Return to the retort.

Serena Joy said...

Well, shoot, I scratch my nose. A lot. That's because it itches a lot. It never occurred to me that people might think I was picking it. Sheesh.:)

VE said...

Ha ha. You gotta pick...you can't leave bats in the attic you know! Of course in my upgrade sun-block exercise bubble nobody can see that I'm picking my nose or scratching my balls. Kind of like when blogging...

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