Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Kanrei's Honest to G-d, No Bullsh*t Unsolved Mysteries

In what can only be described as the “strangest case of a mass suicide in Earth's history,” twenty-four American bees killed themselves Monday by taking up residency in the home of yours truly, AKA the Physical Home for Wayward Lemmings, here in the warmth of south Florida.

No explanation can be found for this pointless act of self-termination, which therefore, by default, links the deaths of these twenty-four bees with the mass disappearances of Honey Bees nationwide. The only real difference between the cases being that I can tell you exactly where the bodies of the twenty-four wayward lemming bees can be found: the Miami-Dade sewer system. I flushed their corpses to get rid of the evidence. I fear bees and therefore do not need any of their kin coming in vendetta or something.

To this date, the case remains a mystery and will very likely always be so. There are no access points that can be found to allow the bees entry to the Physical Home for Wayward Lemmings, nor can any reasonable explanation be found as to why these twenty-four bees calmly allowed yours truly to kill them one by one with a rolled up newspaper without so much as a fly-by in self defense.

Had these bees even hinted that they may have defended themselves and the chickenshit you call “Kanrei” would have happily signed my home over to them for a new hive. No, this can only be called “the strangest case of mass suicide in the Earth's history.”

I am Kanrei and this has been "Kanrei's Honest to G-d, No Bullshit Unsolved Mysteries."

3 comments:

Serena Joy said...

You mean they just came like lemmings to the slaughter into your house and essentially committed hara-kiri? That's weird. I'm glad you have the late Robert Stack on the case. I'll be interested in hearing his analysis of this bizarre mystery.:-)

Rex Zeitgeist said...

You had better get the walls checked for an infestation....I saw just last week an apartment complex that had a massive bee hive in it's walls.

VE said...

The matrix has you...

These bees were sent to free your mind!