Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Charlie and DeOgie

The man was in a deep sleep when the phone rang. In all probability, he was in a deep sleep when he answered the phone and, while we are being completely honest, was probably in that same deep sleep during the entire length of the phone call. We can only hope that the nature of the call was not "life or death" since we will never know who called or why, but the call did disrupt his sleep enough to remind his bladder that it was a good time for it to do it's thing.

The tragic part of a bladder wake up call is that the person waking never intends to remain awake, but the pets that are sharing the bed never seem to grasp that concept. To them, an awake person is an awake person: the marathon nap is the domain of the domesticated and the domesticated onl....

We interrupt this riveting story with an important news break. With this breaking story, here is KHWL's own Kanrei:

Thank you. It seems the Lemming Strike is over. After who knows how long, the Lemmings have finally reached a compromise with, well, we were never really sure who exactly the lemmings were striking against, but it seems they reached a compromise with whomever it was and air mattresses will now be placed at the bottom of most cliffs.

While on the surface this seems like a time for celebration in the lemming community, it is actually, in reality, a time of great loss. You see, the lemmings were very eager to return to work and, for a lemming, "work" consists of jumping of cliffs. Once the strike was declared over, a group of three hundred lemmings all ran for the nearest cliff and hurled themselves off. The looks of delight on their faces were short lived, as were the lemmings, as the air mattresses had yet to be filled with air.

Lady and gentleman, and VE; I can promise you that this reporter will be waking up in the middle of the night for weeks to come with the sound of one gigantic "squish" ringing in my ears. Who would have thought that three hundred lemmings would all hit the ground at exactly the same time. It was just....

Any who, now back to our story.

...and it is all due to you , my friend," the powerful Manolos exclaimed as he bowed before the man and his faithful dog, the true hero of it all.

As the man turned to return home, he hoped it was not just a dream.

"Don't worry Charlie," the dog reassured him, "that would be too cliche for this author."

4 comments:

Serena Joy said...

Make that 299 squished lemmings. I was a Girl Scout Lemming. I was prepared. I had a tiny parachute. So, who was on the phone? I had a middle-of-the-night call once that was a wrong number, but I ended up talking to the guy for over 2 hours.:)

VE said...

Doh! Singled out again; just like Nader at a political gathering...

Ah, the Manolos...it's been awhile.

Kanrei said...

We will never know who called. Charlie was still sleeping when he answered it and never told me.

It is not the same Manolos, I just really like that name. Other names I use on a regular basis:

Kevin Britney Jones (or KB Jones)
Oz or Oswalt Schwags
Bob
Wingnut
Taarna Kanrei
Tzarel Kanrei
Psyondra
Tzarel Kolban
Charlie
Michelle
Dana

Do you guys have a stable of names you use more than others? Are they usually the same character, or do you just recycle names?

Serena Joy said...

When my phone rings in the middle of the night (and nobody has died), I tend to become Princess WTF Are You and Do You Know What Time It is. You know what irritates me beyond the pale? When it's some moron who's dialed the wrong number and it becomes a battle of wills.

Caller: Who is this?
Me: Who is THIS?
Caller: I'm looking for Bla-Bla.
Me: There's no Bla-Bla here.
Caller: Well, who is this?
Me: Who are YOU?
Caller: I think I might have the wrong number.
Me: Oh, do you think? It's 2:00 A.M., moron. Next time, look up the number before you dial!

{Slams phone down}