Osama Bin Gibson?

By Kanrei
I am not sure what is worse: Mel Gibson’s “freak out” or everyone’s apparent lack of caring. His slurs are nothing new to me or any other Jewish person. Jewish jokes are considered harmless. Even Jews tell them and usually better. What bothers me is a growing global attitude towards anti-Semitic things.



The problem did not start as being anti-Jew, but rather started as being anti-Israel. Israel is simply a nation, and they do good things and do horrible things. People will support them, and people will oppose them. Opposing Israel should not mean opposing Jews. One is a faith and the other is a country.

Those on left will yell that anyone who opposes Israel is labeled an anti-Semite. They take great offense to the label inspite of the fact that they address their anger towards Jews and not Israelis. I am not saying they are anti-Semitic at all, but they need to realize the impression they create. I oppose Bush and support gay marriage, but I always respond with “just as you label anyone against gay marriage a homophobe or anyone who supports Bush a fascist”. Hypocrisy knows no sides.

One can turn on the news any day of the last few weeks and see a subtle anti-Israeli slant occurring. For example, it is fairly easy to hear about Lebanese victims (this information is usually in the head lines of a story), but there is only mention of rockets being launched into Israel. The Israeli innocents are given less value than the Lebanese innocent victims. The media has, in an attempt to seem fair and balanced, forgotten there are innocents on both sides. It is all Israel’s fault, and Lebanon is completely innocent in the matter.

However, I am not justifying Israel’s actions at all. I have felt they have gone too far and, much like Bush as done in Iraq, Israel has created circumstances that will only strengthen Hezbollah. The report today of sixty dead innocent people in Lebanon probably just created 120 new recruits.

Israel started off correctly. They were invaded, had soldiers killed, and two others kidnapped. They had to respond and one or two days of rockets in the very southern part of Lebanon was a message. They should have let Lebanon try and do something about Hezbollah. If Beirut was unable or unwilling, then Israel could invade. This current path they are on just appears like bullying.

While not defending Israel’s actions, because I am Jewish, I am expected to. While not defending Israel’s actions, statements like "F*****g Jews... The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world." only serve to put people like me on the defensive. We suddenly find ourselves defending Israel because we have been lumped in with the Israelis based on our common faith.

Are all Christians represented by the Vatican? Then why should all Jews be held accountable for Israel’s actions?

I am American and Jewish. I have no loyalty to Israel. I have been there. There was no “home” feeling there. All my thirteen-year-old eyes could see were guys with guns everywhere: guns bigger than I was. We even went to the Lebanese border. Everywhere you looked, you knew you were in a country that was not only constantly in war, but it was their national past time. I was turned off right then and there.

It takes two sides to make a fight. Both sides have to be really into it for a fight to grow as this one has. If the press is stressing that the terrorists do not represent most Muslims, where is the same statement defending those non-Israeli Jews?

Mel Gibson is blaming his outburst on the fact that he was drunk. The problem with that is that being drunk does not make you say things you do not believe: it only makes it easier to say those things you think, but never say. I personally do not care if Gibson is anti-Semitic or not. My issues with him as a film maker are that I do not enjoy torture. His views on my faith mean nothing to me. Try and think of a Gibson movie that does not have a major torture scene. (Lethal Weapon? Mad Max? Payback? Braveheart? Passions?) However, blaming the Jews for “all the wars in the world” is nothing more than justification of prior hate.

Everyone else who has said something similar should examine their own biases.

More Babbling On

Previously
“I guess I don’t know. Who do I think I killed anyway?”
“Now we are getting somewhere.”

She looked out the window, looking for him. His “walks” never usually were this long. Something was wrong, she knew it.

Continued...
“I am so sick of his shit” she told herself. She could not be late to work again on account of waiting on him to come home. He was usually useless for hours after a walk any. She would shock her manager instead, and be early for once.
She put out the cigarette she had finally gotten lit off the stove's eye and opened her dresser. She laid out a clean uniform on the bed, placed her apron and “Alice” nametag on top. She hated that name tag. Her name was not “Alice” and they knew it. They gave it to her because they said she looked like the actress that played “Alice” on that T.V. show from before she was born. She had seen an episode on Nick at Nite once to see what was so funny about it. It did not help at all. She did not see any resemblance between herself and the TV Alice except they both had dark hair and waited tables. She was thankful they didn’t call her “Flo”. She decided that today she would demand a new nametag with “Dana” on it. The joke had gotten old.
She looked out the window for him for five more minutes before going to shower. She loved her showers, but this time she could not relax. She kept leaning out to try and hear if the phone rang or the door opened. She rushed and washed purely essentials and got out within five minutes. He would be so proud, but he was still not there to have seen it.
She went to her nightstand for her post-shower cigarette and remembered why she cared so much he was out in the first place.
“Bastard!” she screamed.
Charlie exited the liquor store with two packs of cigarettes. He always bought two packs because he and his wife didn’t smoke the same brand. He placed her pack in his right breast jacket pocket, straightened his tie, checked to make sure his lighter was where he last placed it, and sat back down in the empty storefront.
His thoughts had left him alone for the past ten minutes. What he had been hoping for turned out to be worse once he got it. He started to doubt his innocence. He ran back in his mind through the last few days, looking for any blank spots. Any holes in his memory, but every moment he could account for.
He decided the next logical step would be to get a newspaper and look for some unsolved murder that happened recently. He got back up and went back into the liquor store and bought yesterday’s newspaper and two packs of cigarettes. He always bought two packs of cigarettes because he and his wife didn’t smoke the same brand. He placed her pack in his left breast jacket pocket, checked to make sure his lighter was where he last placed it, and decided he really needed to get back before Dana started to worry.
“Is Dana dead? You might be walking into a room full of cops and the media and just when they decide they are looking for you, in you walk. Do you think you should go back?”
“Christ” he said has he collapsed back down in the storefront. “I killed Dana?”
“Not yet,” His thoughts had once again returned, “but there is still time.”
“Already done it once” a new thought said, “so what is a second?”
“Does he have a reason?”
“Did he need one before?”

Continued...

It's Friday.....again

So another Friday has reached us and not a moment too soon. I cannot bitch about what is going on in the world today because I have not been paying that much attention this week. I have, however, been a very busy novice writer. I don't know if Blog Critics ever turns down a story or not. I like to think they do and I have written five winners, but that is probably not the case. Either way, I am high on the fact that I have five published articles online right now that I had to submit and had to be accepted. It is quite the ego boost. Motivated me to try longer and more indepth pieces instead of just opinion and reviews. Wish me luck, my single faithful reader. YOu can say you were there when it all began.

PS- Don't forget this Tuesday.

Operation: Nostalgia Crime

By Kanrei

When we last left Nikki, he was sentenced to a home for the criminally insane for the murders of several high profile public figures. Nikki was also deep in self-inflicted torture over the death of Sister Mary, the woman he loved. Most tragic of all, Dr. X, the man behind “Operation: Mindcrime” had gotten away with it all.

Released in 1988, Seattle rock band Queensrÿche released what many to be their defining album, Operation: Mindcrime. It was a concept album telling the story of a drug addict named Nikki who is duped into becoming a pawn of the sinister Dr. X in his plan to overthrow the government.

Every song on Operation: Mindcrime is amazing; with lyrics that both advance the story and reflect the political atmosphere of 1988 America. It was a rare feat for a concept album to have songs that could advance the story as well as be strong enough to stand alone. In 1989, “Eyes of a Stranger” peaked at 35.

Queensrÿche released many albums after Operation: Mindcrime, but were never able to recapture the magic of Nikki, Mary, and Dr. X. It was only a matter of time before they decided to revisit their iconic characters and, 18 years later, they did just that.

Released in 2006, Operation: Mindcrime II picks up the story the day Nikki is released from prison. His thoughts are stuck bouncing between two compelling forces: mourning Mary and killing Dr. X. Do not worry; I never give “spoilers”.

The story is hard to follow and harder to believe. While the first Mindcrime followed a certain realistic logic with its story, the fact that Nikki is even released after killing numerous politicians and priests is just a large suspension of disbelief to ask for.

This is an album though, not a movie so enough about story, let’s just get to the music. Having not heard Queensrÿche since Empire, I must say I was pleasantly shocked that they have not mellowed after the success of “Silent Lucidity”, but rather got heavier. This is actually both a plus and a minus.

The album, I mean CD (I’m old) starts off very strong with a great instrumental called "Freiheit Ouvertüre" which is very reminiscent of the first album. It continues strong with "I'm American”,” One Foot in Hell”, and "Hostage”, but then the problems arise. The songs become redundant in both music and story. Nikki spends seven songs debating whether or not to kill Dr. X. Also, while Pamela Moore does return in the role of Sister Mary, there is also another female singer, Miranda Tate, that causes confusion in “The Hands” as to which one is Mary. The guest singer playing Dr. X was a nice surprise to me when I listen, so I am going to assume you do not know and not tell you here, but it is really great and the duet between the mystery singer and Geoff Tate is amazing.

The alb…CD ends with a cliché big chorus number that is over done and just plain annoying. It is really a shame. Queensrÿche took a great story, one that every Mindcrime fan has been waiting for almost twenty years, and they release what sounds like a quickly pumped out story for some cash. The saga of Nikki, Mary, and Dr. X was so epic that it deserved something better than Operation: Mindcrime II. This CD is to the first one what Phantom Menace is to A New Hope.

Grade: B-
The good songs are great and the weak songs are not totally bad, just redundant. Anyone who is a fan of the first album must buy this if you have not already. If you have never heard the first one, do not buy this one. It is not a strong enough album to stand on its own.

This About Sums it Up.

The only thing missing from that cartoon is the media blaming the Israeli for the soon to be dead baby the Palestinian is hiding behind.

All Important Fly War Update

Because I know you could not sleep until you knew

Today was not a good day to be a fly. I cannot tell you how many lost their lives today because the damn things kept getting back up after being hit. I can tell you I hit a fly well over a hundred times today, but it could have been ten flies for all I know being hit ten times each. Strong buggers.

Did you know flies have red blood? I mean quite a bit of red blood. I never really thought about it before, but was shocked to see the red smears on my wall after a particularly good hit. I wonder if they screamed. I know they were getting pissed at me because a few would actually try and come after me if I missed. It was really weird. Most of the flies would fly away when I swung and missed, but a few actually tried to do something back. I am not sure what they thought they were going to do.

I tore my house apart as well and the cause of the fly attack of 2006 is still a mystery. There were no dead animals (I have two cats so it was possible), no food, no waste, no garbage, no standing water, no demonic voices. I suppose hallucination is still an option.


Part One of the Horror

Anyone Know a Good Exorcist?

So my house has a fly problem. We are not talking normal fly problem. We are talking about giant Amityville Horror, window hugging flies that are not scared of anything. I have checked my house for dead animals and turned up nothing. I think I am happy about that. I have looked for standing water, garbage, anything that flies dig. Nothing! The only option left is demonic possession.

Sadly for me, demonic possession of houses is not something my DVD collection has prepared me for. I am prepared for 12 year old girls being possessed. I am prepared for my right hand being possessed. I am prepared if the dead suddenly rise from their graves searching for brains to consume. I am prepared for most horror based emergencies, except for a possessed house.

I am Jewish for Christ’s sake! I don’t have any exorcism passages in my Bible. I got lots of people smiting and screwing each other. There are a few plagues and a talking bush or two, but no exorcism. Only thing close I suppose is to stone my house. Stoning is the Old Testament solution to most things after all.

I do admit that the very second a fly says "Get Out!", I am out the door Roadrunner style. There may be a cloud impression left of me. I only hope I don't end up falling for that stupid painted-on tunnel that always works as a tunnel for everyone except the poor coyote. I bet he would know how to deal with these satanic flies from some level of Hell yet to be named.

Seriously, these are not normal flies! I hit one, it fell squished and got back up. I think it re-inflated or something! Damn Popeye demon fly!
Either way, Satan or not, a rolled up newspaper will return order to my abode. I got the day off tomorrow. I will lock all the doors and have it out with them once and for all. Only one of us walks away!



“The Power of Newsweek Compels You!”
“The Power of Newsweek Compels You!”

to the Update

Two Against Owen -or- An Author Fooled

By Kanrei
UPDATE: It seems that this was, infact, a joke by a bored Steely Dan. I fell for it and am properly embarressed for writing a very well written piece on it. I am happy to still have my albums. Please read on, but realize this is the work of an author fooled.

The concept of the annoying house guest is nothing new to movies. Down and Out in Beverly Hills, Madhouse, hell, there was even a movie called House Guest. Basically, the concept behind the new movie You, Me, and Dupree is nothing new or original. The entire draw of this movie is to see the cast acting through the situation. I think someone needs to inform Steely Dan of that fact.

On Steely Dan’s website, there is a letter written on July 17, 2006 from the two founding members, Walter Becker and Donald Fagen, to Luke Wilson. The letter is in regards to Owen Wilson’s new movie, You, Me, and Dupree, and a resemblance to a song they recorded called “Cousin Dupree”.

“Cousin Dupree” appears on Steely Dan’s 2000 release “Two Against Nature”. The song tells, from what I can gather from the lyrics, the story of a family loser named Dupree who moves in with his Aunt Faye and lives on her couch. While living there, he spots Faye’s daughter, Janine, and falls in lust and spends the rest of the song trying to score with his aunt’s daughter. Incest anyone?

The movie You, Me, and Dupree does have the couch and the name in common, but I am not sure Owen Wilson’s character spends the movie chasing a relative. I think he is more the lovable loser he always plays who shows that he is not a loser after all. The Steely Dan song ends with Dupree still trying to get with his cousin; still a loser.

So far, no big deal, except that Steely Dan feels they have been ripped off and they have posted a letter to Luke Wilson to try and “do something or say something before the scene gets out of control and something even more uncool happens”.

The letter does start off nicely, sort of. The two founders of Steely Dan express that they enjoyed Bottle Rocket, a movie starring both Wilson brothers, and say the problem they have is not Owen’s fault at all. Then the insults start.

First, it is Luke they insult with great lines like: “you’re entitled to have whatever low standards you want in terms of what’s cool to get involved for the, you know, bread or whatever.” Then they go after Owen with threats of lawsuits: “He’s gonna go down hard for selling out like this and for trashing the work of some pretty heavy artists like us in the process.” Then they say they “wouldn’t ever think for a Hollywood minute of getting Owen mixed up” in lawsuits against the studio, but rather just want Owen to “do the right thing and come on down to our Concert in Irvine and apologize to our fans for this travesty.” They even invite him to bring his bongos. The threat comes up if Own refuses to come to the show.

“Otherwise, if this business goes unresolved, there are some pretty heavy people who are upset about this whole thing and we can’t guarantee what kind of heat little Owen may be bringing down on himself”. “Your bro may be creating an extremely retrograde reality mix for himself with his whole sellout moviestar game and there may be some righteous dues to pay, amen”.

The letter closes with a description, just in passing, of some Russian Navy SEAL guy they keep around who is great “to have in a bar fight or some kind of hassle in a foreign country”. He is a fan of Steely Dan’s and has never heard of Bottle Rocket..

All the quotes are straight from the letter. It is too good to bother taking out of context when it is the context that sinks them. I am not looking to sink Steely Dan either. If it is a fake, then I owe Steely Dan an apology. I have always been a fan of their music, but the threat of physical violence goes too far. Yes, physical violence, implied not stated directly, but still clearly there. They ruined any case they may have had by: 1) contacting the wrong Wilson brother; 2) typing this letter (I cannot imagine typing a letter where even the letter sounds stoned); and 3) threatening Owen Wilson with harm. Owen Wilson should feel warned and I will be getting rid of my Steely Dan albums. It's not that I am a major Wilson fan; it’s just that now I cannot listen to "Rikki Don’t Lose My Number" again without thinking of them sending this Russian SEAL after Rikki if she does lose it.

Again, I fell for a joke. I am keeping this up as much as a lesson to me as entertainment for those who want to laugh at me. I deserve it

Clear Sign of Endless Middle Eastern War

By Kanrei

Taylor Hicks is going to perform at the White House.

No, seriously. It appears that the American Idol finalists are going to perform at the White House Middle East Talks Friday, July 28th.

I did not watch American Idol. I am not a fan of reality television, I do not like talent shows, and hate pop music. I see strong connections between American Idol voting and political voting: you know, voting more than once, voting based on likablity instead of skill or talent. (Ok, maybe everything does go back to politics for me.) All I know about Hicks is from that annoying Ford commercial that is currently on television every five minutes. Actually, I only partially know that commercial (thank you TiVo), but I have seen enough to know the pain that is Taylor Hicks performing.

"I get what I want" is certainly Bush's theme, but I do not see how having Hicks perform at the Middle East Talks between Bush and Blair is going to help the situation in the Middle East one iota. Actually, hearing him sing may increase the "Possibilities” of more suicidal people in that region. Thankfully, only Bush, Blair, and a few others will be forced to hear it.

I never knew Peace Talks had half-time shows either. Interesting. Post game will probably be a floor show by the "So You Think You Can Dance" finalists and the National Anthem will be sung by William Hung.

New sign exposed. Click here to learn more.

The High Value of Low Thinking

The Rise of Paris Hilton, Jessica Simpson, and George W. Bush.
By Kanrei

Ask people what they think of President George W. Bush, and I am sure some form of the word “stupid” will be used. It may be the polite “he isn’t that sharp” or “he is not a reader” or my favorite one: “he is not a curious man”. Regardless of what form of the word one uses, his intelligence will certainly be called into question by every one of his detractors. If he is stupid, as some would say, then what does that say of a society that elected him at least one time?


There are many examples of the President’s supposed lack of skill when it comes to public speaking. It does not take long to find numerous examples of these on the internet, one of the best places being Slate’s “Bushism of the Day”. All of these certainly point to a man who is in the process of learning the English language, but there is no way that Harvard educated Bush cannot properly speak English.

One of his most well known gaffes is the famous “misunderestimate me” he once uttered about why he always seemed to win. Everyone, myself included, just listed this as the new Quayle. I looked forward to four years of humorous press conferences and great SNL skits. The more he spoke, the more these gaffes emerged. People began to seriously underestimate him as a thinker. He would feed this myth by stating that he did not read newspapers or watch the news. He came across as a vacant space ready to be filled.

I began to think about the term “misunderestimate” and dissect it. To estimate is to make a guess. To underestimate is to guess to short. The prefix “mis” means "bad or wrong". So, to misunderestimate someone is to underestimate them the wrong way. With this one simple verbal play, he identified every hostile reporter out there. He also made the opposition relax, since they would now assume him to be a simpleton from Texas.

Bush is not from Texas. Bush is from the same New England that Kerry was attacked for being from. The difference is that Kerry still lives there while Bush ran off to recreate himself. There is nothing wrong with leaving your home to recreate yourself. I have done it many times myself, but one should never deny who one was. Bush’s “man of the land cowboy anti-intellectual” image is a slap in the face to his upbringing and his education.

During the 2004 campaign against Kerry, Bush was often portrayed as the dumber of the two. A few months after the election, once Bush had won, the grades of both candidates were released and Bush had a higher G.P.A. than Kerry.

Most people, when their intelligence is attacked on a global scale, would seek to prove they were not an idiot. One possible reason why a person would not seek to correct this is if they wanted it to be assumed that they were stupid. I did not do drugs in high school, yet had the reputation of being one of my schools biggest burn-outs. It was due to my naturally large pupils. People would look at me and just assume I was stoned. I did nothing to correct this mistake either. Why? Because people underestimated me when they thought I was stoned. It gave me an advantage in dealing with them. I could use their confidence in my lack of ability against them. Now, I figured this trick out at 14, so it is not that far off to guess that Bush would know the same trick.

Let me say for clarity that I am aware that all people do project upon others what they think they would do in a similar situation, so I could be fully projecting my trick on Bush, but I do not think so.

The main reason I believe in my heart that Bush is faking his stupidity and encouraging the stories of his lack of intelligence can be summed up in two other success stories: Jessica Simpson and Paris Hilton.

Much like George Bush, when one thinks of either Jessica Simpson or Paris Hilton, the word “dumb” or some form there of is not too long in coming. Both of these women have made an entire celebrity career off of verbal gaffes and the impression of stupidity.

Jessica Simpson had been trying for fame since she was a child. First trying out to be on the New Mickey Mouse club with Britney Spears and Christina Agularia, she has tried for the level of fame her peers have achieved. They came out with albums around the same time as she did, yet they rose to fame while she still remained mostly unknown.

Then she got her big break, a reality show on MTV about her marriage. One simple verbal gaffe (“Is this chicken that I have, or is it fish? I know it’s tuna, but it says Chicken? By the sea. Is that stupid?”) and she was mocked on every late night comedy show. Jessica Simpson became the new word for “dumb blonde” and she encouraged it by giving more and more.

Was turning down Buffalo wings because "I don't eat buffalo" a sign of being stupid? I do not think so at all. She later appeared in a Pizza Hut commercial for Buffalo wings looking at a buffalo with wings. She was now famous and everywhere.

Paris Hilton, like Jessica Simpson, wanted to be famous. She tried being a model, and was quite good at it, but, even with her famous name, never rose to supermodel status. She was better known as a party girl, but I believe she knew her looks were the secret to success, so when a sex tape was “accidentally” released, she became big news.

While sex sells, making someone feel superior to someone else will make one rich. The famous "Wal-Mart, what's that? Do they, like, make walls there?" quote made America feel so much smarter than her, that they needed more. She was now famous.

Paris Hilton has recently admitted in the press that she is not as dumb as she came across, but found celebrity easier playing that part. Much like me in high school playing the stoner, they played up to people’s stereotypes and used them.

I have no proof that Jessica Simpson or George Bush are faking their “gaffs” as Paris Hilton as admitted to, but when I look at how well they have used it for success and fame, I must assume they know exactly what they are doing.

It does make me wonder: does the rise in number of “dumb” celebrities have any effect on the falling test scores in school? I mean, why be smart when stupid gets you further? Just thinking with my fingers.

The Babbling Still Continues On

Previously
"Kind of place a murder could go un-noticed, wouldn't you say?" the mocking thought asked him.
"Probably more than one."
"More than one!" the first thought was back. "How many have you killed, Charlie, or did you stop keeping score?"

Continued...
She awoke from a dream, her nightgown drenched in sweat. She needed a cigarette. Those damn dreams were going to drive her mad eventually. She reached over for her pack on the nightstand only to find it missing.
“That bastard!” she screamed. He went for one of his “walks” and took their only pack of cigarettes.
She rose from their bed and stumbled into the living room to check the ashtray. Much to her dismay, this seems to have been one of the few times he actually emptied the bloody thing. Was she desperate enough to actually check the garbage can? Even if she was, could she really bring herself to smoke whatever she may find?
“Hell yes you are” her jones yelled out to her, so, with a heavy sigh, she grabbed her yellow dish gloves and placed her foot upon the pedal that would open the lid. She really felt pathetic. The pedal seemed like it was pushing back against her foot. She stood there a good ten minutes debating in her head if she really was that pathetic and desperate. She decided she was more lazy than pathetic and did not want to go out to buy a pack. She was in luck, he only half listened to her nags. He emptied the ashtray, but did not take out the garbage. She was never happier he ignored her in her life.
Sitting on top of the trash, free of any nasty debris or rubbish was a good three-quarter of a cigarette. She saw her lipstick on the filter and felt even better. It was dry and it was hers and her jones jumped for joy.
Now, she only needed a light.
“That bastard!”

Charlie had not found his Zippo yet. He had, however, head butted several pedestrians in the stomach while in his hunched over speed walking obsessive searching. He never had any problems focusing on a thought; quite the opposite actually.
“Think your finger prints are on it?” his thoughts were still with him.
He had searched five blocks and not seen so much as a glimmer of his lighter. He was devastated. Collapsing in a storefront doorway, he felt defeated. He had always been so proud of still having that lighter. He had lost so much in his life; so many mementos and trinkets, but he still had his Zippo.
His Zippo with “My Zippo” carved into one side and a badly made Grateful Dead lightning bolt on the other. His Zippo that he had indirectly conned some kid whose name he had forgotten out of. His Zippo, that he just felt in his right pants pocket.
He reached into the emptiness and pulled out a shining metal Zippo with “My Zippo” carved into one side and a badly made Grateful Dead lightning bolt on the other.
“I thought I dropped this” he said to himself.
“We told you Charlie,” his thoughts smugly said to him, “we are your memories. What you are, what you think, what you remember, and what you forget is us, not you. The lighter was a cheap trick to drive the point home. Now then, why did you kill her Charlie?”
Charlie sighed.
“I guess I don’t know. Who do I think I killed anyway?”
“Now we are getting somewhere.”

She looked out the window, looking for him. His “walks” never usually were this long. Something was wrong, she knew it.

Continued...

Clerks II: the Kanrei Review

Staring:
Brian O'Halloran: Dante Hicks
Jeff Anderson: Randal Graves
Rosario Dawson: Becky Scott
Jason Mewes & Kevin Smith: Jay & Silent Bob
Trevor Fehrman: Elias Grover

By Kanrei

I went to see Clerks: II tonight. I was fairly nervous going into it. After Jersey Girl and the farewell of Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, I was not sure what to expect. Hearing about Joel Siegel walking out after forty minutes did raise my hopes quite drastically. I felt like I was visiting old friends from college that I had not spoken to since then. I had the same questions in my mind (that is so pathetic actually). Have they changed? Do they still have “it” twelve years later? Do I want to see “it” now that I am twelve years older? I am very happy to say “Yes” to all of the above.

Do not worry; there will be no “spoilers” in this review. Most of the joy from a movie like this is not knowing from where the next joke will come. I will say that those who love Kevin Smith’s ability to write dialogue and set up a good fart or d*ck joke will not be disappointed with this, but there is much more to it than d*ck and fart jokes. I actually cannot think of any real fart a jokes… was that a spoiler? I‘ll be more careful.

The plot is simple and the ending is predictable, but who cares in a movie like this. It is the journey, not the destination. Basically, Dante is moving to Florida with fiancée and the movie follows his last day at Mooby’s, a fast food restaurant he and Randal now find themselves working at. That is about it for the plot…really.
Kevin Smith has definitely matured as a film maker since the first Clerks. The first thing I noticed was that the camera actually moves in this film. He has left the steady-cam shots of his previous films and realized a camera can move to create mood and he uses it well. His jokes and characters are now so well written that Jay and Silent Bob are no longer required to liven up a scene, although they do still do that quite nicely. Now, their characters are like the intermission between scenes, giving the cast time to change locations: the Rosencrantz and Guildenstern of the “Jersey Trilogy” now in its sixth movie. Kind of like another famous trilogy, right?

Speaking of a famous trilogy, there has emerged a new trilogy since Kevin Smith last gave us Randal, and he unleashes the ultimate "Star Wars" loyalist upon the new trilogy in what is, to me, a new and instant classic scene in the View Askew Universe. This one scene alone is worth the ticket price. Well, that and the stripper with the donkey, but I am NOT getting into that!

For those of us who have seen all of the “Jersey” films and have loved the story, the characters, and the just weird state of that world, then this film is the absolute perfect closer. Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back was supposed to be the last film in the saga, but it did not seem like it finished the saga. Now, with this movie, the double trilogy seems like a full circle.

George Lucas once said that Star Wars was nine chapters. James Bond has had, what, twenty-one movies? While this is a great place to stop if Kevin Smith decides he wants to move on and explore other types of movies, I really hope he does not move on too far. Instead, I hope to think of this as a re-introduction.

Grade: A
It achieves everything it set out to do and does it great.
Oh yea, and this movie is not just rated R, but a very strong R. Kevin Smith was shocked it didn't get an NC-17 and so was I. It was not for kids and there was no nudit...well, there was no drug us....well, there was no sexual....well. This movie skirted the line everywhere it could and placed the F word in every place it could and found some new places. There, I got my warning done. If you are still reading, thanks!

What exactly is free speech?

By Kanrei

“Congress shall make no law… abridging the freedom of speech.”

That is all the Constitution has to say on the issue of “free speech”. The founding fathers seem to have left it up to each generation to define it. Does it mean that a person is free to say anything, free of consequences? Does it mean that a person is free to say anything as long as they are willing to deal with the consequences?

Well, “Free speech” certainly cannot mean that a person is free to say anything, free of consequences because there are many cases where there are consequences for things said. It is illegal, for example, to scream “fire” in a crowded place. It is illegal to say “bomb” in an airport. It is illegal to say “bong” in a headshop…um.

If there is even one place where free speech is legally limited, then there is not freedom given to all speech. It means that there are certain words and certain places where certain words are not free.

“But certainly profanity must be legal.”

Actually and technically, no. According to uslegalforms.com, “If any person profanely curses or swears...he shall be deemed guilty of a Class 4 misdemeanor.”

So, if the freedom to use certain words is limited, then what does “freedom of speech” mean? Speech is not necessarily the words one uses, it is the idea one conveys through the words. “Freedom of Speech” means that a person is free to express any idea they may have, no matter what that idea is.

The founding fathers were very big on protecting the right to make speeches and debating political philosophies. This was something that they could have been imprisoned for in the past. They wanted to protect a person's right to complain. They wanted to, as Larry Flynt once said "protect the thought you hate the most and not the thought you love the most." Where he and I part ways is that I do not believe all words are given equal protection, only the thoughts behind the words are. I believe the founding fathers believed in "Decent Society" and private lives.

Profanity, slander, libel, threats: all are illegal. This is not to limit one person's rights, but to protect another's.

A person is free to make speeches about the evils of Bush (and they do). A person is free to blame Jews for any and everything (and they do). A person is free to express any idea they choose to, but they are not free to use any word. “Freedom of Speech” is not “Freedom of Words”.

For example, you can make a speech about how much you hate black people. You can say anything on the subject you want, but the minute you start saying the "N" word, you are attacking another. "Freedom of Speech" is not freedom to assault another. And you can even use that "N" word in places, just not in every place. Understand?

It is understandable for people to misunderstand this concept. They misquote and misuse words all the time. It is the love of money, not money that is the root of all evil. "Play it again, Sam" is never said in Casablanca. Most people who will quote the Constitution have not seen it since middle school, so it is understandable. The only unforgivable part is their refusal to admit that they could be wrong.

Just thinking with my fingers.

It's Friday!!!

What a Friday it is too. The rest of the world is hot as hell and South Florida is nice temp wise, but rainy as all hell. Work has no phones right now, but does still have internet. How is that for cool? No work, lots of play!
The week has sucked on many personal levels and been great on so many others. Sometimes you find yourself cursed no matter what you do and it is best to do your own thing instead. I have let many people down over the last fortnight. I think I have betrayed some people from their perspective even, but I promise I have not. When friend wars with friend, sometimes it is better to sit on your own. The casualties on both sides will be friends of mine whom I care about.
Sometimes it is better to let your foes show their own faults, rather than jumping upon them for the thrill of spite. One person yelling alone is an asshole. Two people yelling is a fight. It cannot be a fight without both parties equally taking part.
I am not speaking about Israel and Lebanon right now. The waring sides know.

Poem: Thoughts Hovering Cloudy

Standing on the shore beneath the crest of an incoming wave
Not bothering to take shelter or seek safe haven
Not bracing for the impact of the water crashing down
Because it’s just some peace and quiet that I'm craving
The pain, the frustration, the hassle, the hurt
The evils I came to escape
Have returned and returned with assault and assault
And no help comes to my cries of “rape”
Standing on the shore beneath the crest of an incoming wave
Is this anguish all part of some scheme?
The shore of the beach was relaxing and pure
Have I been in prison and the beach was a dream?
A breeze flows through a window crowded by bars of satin and steel
Metaphorical in nature, of course
The wave takes shape and stalls in the sky
Above my head, awaiting signs of remorse
And I look back on my life and the choices I’ve made
Re-examine my moments of fear
Take stock of the times I was heroic and brave
Plead my case to the judge in the mirror
Standing on the shore beneath the crest of an incoming wave
And standing ready for the water to fall
The shore, a cell, makes no difference in the end
It’s just how you perceived it all.

Common Sense: Get It While You Can. Limited Supply.

By Kanrei

I may see this through a prism because I am Jewish, but I have no special personal loyalty to Israel. I am told I should because it is the “Jewish Home Land”, but I personally don’t see it that way. Usually, I see Israel just as guilty as those they are fighting against. When they destroy a town in retribution for a suicide bomber, I think they tend to only fuel the fire that rages against them (if you pardon the cliché). This time is different from what I can see. This time I fully support most of what Israel has done.

To the best of my knowledge, there has been a relative cease-fire between Israel and Lebanon. This seems on the surface to be an unprovoked attack that ended in the deaths of Israeli soldiers and the kidnapping of two others while they were within Israeli boundaries. Being in another country, I am not getting very much information from there, but I will get to that in a moment.

Israel has more than a right; they have the duty to do everything they can to get those two soldiers back. (I know there are three total, but Palestine is a different battle using same tactics). Would we expect, no, demand anything less of our own country? In Israel, it is an even more pressing matter. If this tactic is successful once, it will happen many more times and everyone is Israel has a relative who is currently serving. It can touch any of them.

Every area Israel has pulled out of has been used to attack them. Israel has lived up to their end of the deal and given back land they said they would and they have been smacked for it every time. There should come a time when enough is enough.
That is my support of them, now comes the flip side.

Israel has to be aware that this is not Lebanon doing this, but rather Hezbollah. Attacking Lebanon only strengthens Hezbollah’s grip on Lebanon. They were correct for the first few days, but they must stop and see what Lebanon is willing to do.
Personally, I believe this to be Iran and Syria. Not a big guess or top secret revelation or anything, but I think this is mostly Syria with Iran backing them up. I think this is Syria’s attempt to regain control of Lebanon by having Israel topple the government and the Lebanese, seeking revenge, would turn to Hezbollah to lead them.

Israel showed Lebanon that, if Beirut cannot clean its house, that Israel can. Now they should see what Beirut does.

As to the coverage of this story, I read in the headlines daily about missiles being launched into Israel. Never any mention of deaths or casualties. When they report what Israel has done to Lebanon, the death count is almost always in the headline. I get the feeling there is an anti-Israel slant going on in the media. Like I said, I could just be looking through a prism.

Poem: The Theological Mirror

I pity you, spiritual leper.
I see you shed your faith everyday.
I feel for you and your soul of disease.
All you believe you can’t see you betray.
Terrified of the Theological Mirror
Afraid of the reflection of your soul
You scream and yell at the flaws you see
In vain hoping to regain control
Hoping to obfuscate your own faults
By drawing all eyes on those of another
You wave faith like a mace in a crowd of the blind
And you laugh at the pain of your brother
How great it must be and how great must be the view
As you sit and condemn those passing by
But you will find that when held to the standards you used
Your horse was just a tad bit too high

Poem: Spiraling Orchard of Ravenous Thorns

Spiraling orchard of ravenous thorns
Clawing and ripping the ripeness of youth.
Drifting onwards towards obscurity proudly
With heavy glances towards ominous skies.
Sails tattered and bow torn by shards of memories.
Only surviving for the next gracious defeat;
Beaten but never overcome.
Always moving back into range with a smirk.
Never accepting loss, but growing stronger with each blow.
Past meets future in a glorious ka-boom of presence.
Aware without care in a holy embrace of false glee,
They only know joy when they can see sorrow.
My ship is battered but afloat and headed towards the sun.
I see tomorrow with a dance of joy I can not ignore.
The shards of memories fade with the parting of ominous skies.
Not beaten, I overcame the next gracious defeat.
I stand on the bow and glare proudly at the dawn.
I have made it into the tomorrow as the darkness of yesterday drifts off into memory and dies.

The Babbling Continues On

Previously
He just realized what was said. "What do you mean kill Adam too?"
"You left her. What the hell were you thinking?"

Continued...

His thoughts were driving him crazy. They were relentless in their assault. The constant barrage of accusations, the cryptic messages, the circular thoughts. He could not take much more of it.
"I have not killed anyone" he told himself, but himself answered back.
"Are you sure? Can you really trust what you remember when we are your memories? I mean, if we say you did it, what point of reference do you have that you didn't?"
"I know who I am and I could not kill anyone!"
"Are you the type to imagine arguments in your head? The crazy are capable of anything my friend."
"And I am certainly not crazy!"
"Who are you telling? Crazy people do not talk to themselves out loud."
It quickly came to his attention that the last two thoughts were said and not thought. He had no real idea how many others he had been saying to anyone who may have passed by. He wondered if any of them may have caught anything about his killing someone.
"Guilty conscious?"
The cigarette he was smoking was now a cold butt between his fingers. He noticed on his third empty drag of it. He was also so lost in thought that his lighter had fallen from his hand and he didn't notice for who knows how many blocks.
Panicked, he quickly turned and ran down the sidewalk, his eyes quickly darting left and right in search of any reflective glare a street light might cast upon his fallen treasure.
The sidewalk was filthy. He had never noticed before. It looked as if the garbage collectors never came by. And there were lots of homeless people. They were everywhere. They were sleeping in storefronts; they were ducked behind dumpster, they were on apartment stairways. He lived in a really bad neighborhood. Why had this not dawned on him before?
"Kind of place a murder could go un-noticed, wouldn't you say?" the mocking thought asked him.
"Probably more than one."
"More than one!" the first thought was back. "How many have you killed, Charlie, or did you stop keeping score?"

Turn the Page

Everyone should read this.

Real Christians Don’t Gay Bash
by the Rev. Jim Rigby

It's Friday

Tradition is tradition and Friday is not a day for heavy political thought. It is a day to prepare for all the braincells that are scheduled to die in a few hours. Today's news is trying very hard to be noticed, like some pathetic child not getting his way. No matter what you do to try and move past it, WAR WAR WAR is everywhere. If you are not looking for it, don't worry because it is looking for you. It has become the global pastime. A sporting event where we all have our favorite teams, we hope the other side is not just beaten, but humiliated, and we prefer to watch it on TV over the hassle of going to the event. More over, tons of writers and commentators are making huge dollars off of this event because we are all glued to our TV's and radios. We see the event happen, but we do not trust our own minds and eyes to interpret what we saw. We need people to tell us what to think about it instead.
Less news, more commentary.
CHEERLEADING THE APOCALYPSE! GO TEAM GO!
I understand the postgame coverage will be hell.

Last Exit on the Path to WW3

By Kanrei
I am sitting here, looking at the Drudge Report, and there is just too much here to even begin to find a story. The headlines I see now are each more disturbing that the one before it.
“Hezbollah Wants To 'Transfer Captured Israeli Soldiers To Iran'...”
“Now Jewish Extremist Group Declares: We Kidnapped 2 Palestinians!”
“Rockets Hit Israel Port City; No Injuries...”
“Israel Blasts Lebanon Airport, Air Bases...”
“Russia and France condemned Israel's strikes...”
”Greece says Israel using 'excessive' and 'pointless' force...”


This will not be news to most of us, but the world has gone insane. Any pretext of what is right or wrong has been lost to the pretext of right and left. I used to think it was an American dilemma, right vs left, but I see it is larger than ever before. What defines “right” and “left” has altered slightly. The “right” is now those who will defend Israel while the “left” is now those who will not. Just look at the headlines I just took off the Drudge Report. That is the right versus the left in just a few headlines. Hezbollah wants to bring Iran into it. The Jewish Extremists are now kidnapping Palestinians. Rockets are flying back and forth between. Both sides are committing horrible acts against each other over a few captured soldiers and Israel is the one being condemned for using “excessive and pointless” force.
The more Bush defends Israel in this, the more the rest of the world will side with Hamas and Hezbollah. Even those who hate the Palestinians (like Lebannon) will join the fight. This is, in my opinion, just more fallout from the war in Iraq.
I have to wonder if Iran would be doing what it has been doing if they had to worry about the US, Israel, and Saddam. I wonder if Syria would be so bold if we were not so bogged down in Iraq.
I am getting myself bogged down in “what if”’s and I hate those. “What is” is we are now in a situation direr than anything we have ever seen ourselves in. The world has been on the brink many times in the past, but never before has the ability to kill everything been so wide spread. War and conflict has always been the reflex response from those in power when threatened. Israel, while they are defending themselves, needs to go a little slower. World War One started over far less and we have far more to lose today.

Attempted Schadenfreude

By Kanrei
'Schadenfreude' is a German word that means essentially, "Taking Joy at Another's Sorrows." It is a recurring theme in history and is displayed, albeit usually subconsciously, in most victory celebrations. The victors take pleasure in another's defeat. It really is, to be honest, a great feeling except when phrased the way I just did. Anyone who has won after an hours-long Monopoly marathon knows the feeling of which I write.


The problem with schadenfreude is that it is addictive and inexpesnive -- yet it carries the risks of having it stuffed back in one's face. You see, it is very easy to make oneself feel good at an enemy's pain; especially when oneself is at no risk, personally. But what of getting slapped back before you are done laughing? This is what I like to call, "Attempted Schadenfreude." The British suffered from this in the Revolutionary War by laughing at the rebellion. The French suffered from it in South-East Asia (as did the United States), and the United States is feeling it now in Iraq.

"Attempted Schadenfreude" then, in my lexicon, means to celebrate victory too early. In the run-up to the the wars in Iraq, I was priviliged to observe how this diheartening phenomenon occurs both from a politically aware "90's-hippie teenager" and again as an adult. I wasn't hip to it the first time, possibly because I was scared of that "D" (spell out the word) word rising from the dead to steal my youth. But this time in Iraq I noticed victory announced from the deepest wells of those in leadership long before it was even decided to go to war. We heard about being greeted with flowers and candy, about how it would take weeks, not months. We heard cakewalk. If the people planning this war were in this mindset while planning it, how could they ever concieve of anything outside their ideals? I call this "pre-emptive victory."

Many wars are fought between nations and their armies. To them, war is a ritual. There is honor, there are rules. There is a clear idea of victory in mind and there is a plan to achieve it. They know when they have lost (one hopes) and when to surrender. The Revolutionary War was not that type of war to the Colonists. Southeast Asia was not that type of war to the Asians. Iraq is not that type of war to the Iraqis. To them, I can only assume from my limited access to information from there, that this is a fight for survival and it is "victory or death." They understand only one option and they see only one enemy. Their idea of victory is our leaving and their plan is to make it happen by any means neccessary.

We won. The schadenfreude was justified in the beginning. We over threw Saddam and got his diabolical sons. We celebrated their misery and this was justified. Then we caught Saddam and humiliated him on global TV, fresh from his spider's hole. We celebrated his misery and was justified. We captured tons of suspected insurgents and put them in Abu Ghareb. We saw the photos and we celebrated their misery and this was fitting and well. We held multiple elections. We established a Government. We helped write a Constitution. Then we stayed. Another reason to stay kept coming up. More carbombs go off. Iraqis began killing Iraqis, but they are leaving us alone so we celebrate their misery and this was also ratified as pure & true. We comfort ourselves by saying only 2500 dead! Only?

In the Revolutionary War, the South-East Asian Conflict, and the current whatever you-may-call-it happening now in Iraq, the larger forces all saw victory as assured when faced with a smaller, weaker, but determined group. The French did not learn from the English. So far, we have not learned from the French. People are saying we must stay and win, but I thought we already won. If the objectives are going to constantly change, how will anyone know what victory is?

Those in support of this war right now, the cheerleaders from the sidelines I am speaking of, not the troops. The "chickenhawks" are keeping this whatever you-may-call-it happening now in Iraq alive by wrapping it in schadenfreude. Most of us started to taste the bitterness of the Schadenfreude.... some of us need it.

Poem: Apathy, Salvation, Solitude

Once was a time when all was nice and neat.
Once was a time when all was clean and pure.
Once was a time when I knew my place
And now I find I am not sure.
Locked was I, in solitude and shame
And I was comfortable in my despair.
But now I see the darkness around me
And I realize that I actually do care.
So what can one do, what can one be?
How can one change the comfort of life?
When what one is simply is not who he was
And he must find who he was or else die.
As it was sung, in the strangest of places
The light is shown if looked at right.
I think I found what I need in the strangest of places
And I am now insecure and trapped in fright.
When I was sad I could see that I did not mind
If the sadness was taken suddenly away
But joy is what I feel and it’s too good to be real
And I am afraid this dream will end with the day.
The right person, wrong time is the dilemma of fate
The catch where I find I’m not free
This person is perfect in every such way
Except she has no room in her life for me.
So I sit here and sulk, I sit here and cry
I cannot believe this joke G-d has played.
I did not know I was lost or alone
Until this day where I was almost saved.

It Begins

Wandering around for a few hours to smell the roses and have a smoke, he had no real destination in mind. His head was racing with a hundred thoughts and he knew he only had time for maybe forty of them if he were lucky and everything worked out perfectly for each one.
"Better to just forget them all" he thought, but he knew some of those thoughts were there to stay: and just a few were mocking him.
He checked his pockets for his life essentials: cigarettes and a lighter. The lighter was always in his front right pants pocket, it was easy to find. The cigarettes were a different matter.
When he left his house a few hours ago, he had five cigarettes to his name. He knew he had smoked four of them, but he knew he had one more. His search became frantic. Both his hands were flying into and out of pockets with one hand usually checking a pocket right after the other hand had just left that same spot. Pants: right, left. Shirt: left breast. Jacket: inside left breast, inside right breast. Nothing! Outside right hip pocket, outside left hip pocket. Nothing! He tilts his head down as if he suddenly got the power to see into his pockets to find what his hands are obviously missing. As he looked down, a cigarette fell from Heaven onto the ground. Not from Heaven, from behind his right ear.
"Schmuck" he thought.
"So why did you leave" one of the thoughts asked. This was one of the mocking ones. "Why did you leave her? What the hell were you thinking?"
He reached into his right pants pocket, his trembling hand fumbling around in the darkened hole. It took him five strikes to get his silver Zippo to light, but he got it. She was an old reminder of his college days; one of the few things he seemed to be able to keep.
The lighter was a funny story actually. He was part of a "crowd" in college. They were the sophomore "hippies" of the campus. The party crowd with their first apartment; the Dead Shed. One wall was covered entirely with Pink Floyd posters, arranged chronologically by the album they represented. All posters for Animals had to be left of The Wall posters, but certainly before the prism of Dark Side of the Moon.
The furniture was all donated by their parents, who were of very moderate means, so the apartment looked very nice. It was a natural hang out.
Over the two years they lived there, friends would start to bring their friends over and there became the Cast and the Guest Stars. The Cast were the people who were hanging out there daily, while the Guest Stars were the friends and random people who would find their way to the apartment. He never fully understood why, but people actually cared what level they were at.
One week, the same Guest Star kept coming over with a friend of his; neither name sticking to his mind. The Guest Star really loved the "vibe" in the Dead Shed and wanted to circumvent the long and at that time unknown process to ascend from Guest Star to Cast. At the mall he had looked at a Zippo in the department store, but had no money at that time to get it, but he really liked it and said so. The Guest Star took it upon himself to buy the lighter for him "for no reason", but was understood to be a bribe for Cast status. Needless to say, years later he has the Zippo and has forgotten the kid's name.
"His name was Adam you arrogent prick" another thought told him.
"Was Adam?" the Mocking thought came back, "Did he kill Adam too?"
"Did he kill Adam?" he thought to himself, "Wait a minute!"
He just realized what was said. "What do you mean kill Adam too?"
"You left her. What the hell were you thinking?"
To be continued

RIP You Crazy Diamond

Syd Barrett, the troubled genius who co-founded Pink Floyd but spent his last years in reclusive anonymity, has died, a spokeswoman for the band said Tuesday. He was 60.

The Car, The Wall, The Left & The Right

The Left seems to have an image problem these days. It is only a few months away from the mid-term elections and the President's numbers are not that good. The public thinks America has lost its way, they have lost faith in the President's vision, and have lost confidence in the abilities of Congress to steer us in any direction.

This should be a banner year for the DNC. I am not so confident. I see a lot of infighting among Democrats and no clear message on any issue. The Democrats have no clear leader to help convey their lack of a clear message. Inshort, they are resting their political careers, and our futures, on the hopes that we are upset enough with the RNC to vote DNC.

Sounds like I am bashing the DNC, doesn't it? I am not. It is not their fault they have no clear message. Infact, it is impossible for the Left to have a message at all. It goes against Liberalism.

What defines liberalism? A desire for change. What defines a Conservative? A desire for things to remain how they are. It is easy for any two people to agree on how things should remain the same; there are no variables to consider. However, when considering changing something, the door for inifinite possibilites opens. It is possible for 100 different people to have 100 different ideas of how to change something. This does not mean that it should not be changed though.

This point comes up in Iraq debates quite a bit. People ask most liberal supporters what is the Democrat's plan for Iraq? I watch over and over how the left try to answer this question, but then they begin fighting among themselves. The right has a clear message- stay the course. The left does not. "Do we get out now?" " Do we stay and train?" "Do we just build bases?" " Did I vote for the war?" That is because liberals all see things differently.

The Left's greatest asset leads to their defeat when the argument is set by the right. Instead, the left should be asking what the right's plan is since the course has gone bad. Instead of answering, the left needs to point out how terrorism has increased since 9-11, not decreased so the War on Terror is not slowing it down but accelerating it. Personally, I would rather no message than a bad one.

Think of it like this: you are in a car with two other people. The driver is planning on heading into a wall after hitting it already. The other person suggests getting out of the car and going somewhere else but does not know where yet. The driver insists that this time it will be different. Would you stay in the car with the driver or would you follow the person leaving?

Iraq is the car and terrorism is the wall. The left needs to stop fighting like the right and remind America why they are different.