Kanrei's Imaginary House for the Improbable Trade

Welcome to Kanrei's Imaginary House for the Improbable Trade. We have everything from the fictional to the imaginary to the down right unreal here instock. The widest selection of thingies this side of the other one. Let's take a quick gander at what's on special today, shall we?

Ever watch a Roadrunner cartoon and feel envious of that little portable hole the Coyote had? Well, I am proud to announce the addition of Circular Nothings to our inventory. That's right my friends, act now and we can guarentee a shipment of Nothing to your door for a more than reasonable price; plus shipping and handling of course. “How much does it cost to handle nothing” you ask. More than you might think my friends, but what is a little handling between pals?

Ever wonder what the exact value for “X” really is, but can't be bothered with all that Algebra stuff? Me neither, so let's just move on.

We have biscuits! We have biscuits! Rubber biscuits! Flour biscuits! Raw biscuits! Raisin Oat Blueberry Cinnamon Banana biscuits! Bubblegum biscuits! Godzilla biscuits, but no Godzooki biscuits. We must draw an imaginary line somewhere and we arbitrarily choose there. Oh, and butter costs extra, but what's a little butter between friends really?

Act now while supplies last. We are from Florida, so we have a very limited imagination. Lemmings get a free gift with purchases of $50 or less.

What Did You Expect for Nothing...A Rubber Biscuit or a Friday?

There is a day that comes after Thursday, but before Saturday. It arrives at the same time every week: week in and week out. It looms off in the distance mocking each of us in its own way. Most of us it teases by threatening to never come while, to others, it threatens to arrive no matter what they may do. It is a mythic beast slayer and an evil foe at the same time. It is Friday and it is here.

Hello and welcome to our weekly mourning of the recently passed on week; a wake for those days left behind to history. Like all good wakes, I expect all guests to get properly liquored up and tell long winded and slightly exaggerated stories of things this week had done to them. Some may be good things- like I found my lucky rubber chicken key ring. Some may be bad things- like I found my lucky rubber chicken key ring.

Honestly to my readers is forcing me to admit right now that I do not actually possess a lucky rubber chicken key ring, but if I did, finding it would be a good thing if it were lost. My friends would probably hate my lucky rubber chicken key ring if I actually had one and finding it would be a bad thing for them, but let’s blame that on perspective and instead mourn my lack of a lucky rubber chicken key ring.

Do I have anything else to say besides my longing for a lucky rubber chicken key ring? Not really, no. My head hurts today so that may be something, but probably isn’t really. It only appears to be something.

I know, happy Weekend! Sorry to have been MIA this week. I have been ill, but am feeling better….just in time for a Friday!

What a weak post this was. Probably should have just left the space blank actually…

Thinking of Music with Little to Say....

I did not believe the information
Just had to trust imagination
My heart was going boom boom, boom
Son, he said, grab your things, I’ve come to take you home.

Peter Gabriel- Solsbury Hill

What is it about songs from your youth that are so wondrous and magical? No matter how many times you hear them or how old you are when you do, the moment they hit your ears you are instantly ten years old again and hearing it for the first time.

And when you wake up it's a new mornin'
The sun is shinin' it's a new morning
You're goin'
You're goin' home

Gerry Rafferty- Baker Street

Do you think they shape your musical tastes somehow or are they just the soundtrack to your dreams?

I had a dream
But it turned to dust
What I thought was love
That must have been lust
I was living in style
When the walls fell in
When I played my hand
I looked like a joker
Turn around
Fate must have woke her
cause lady luck she was
Waiting outside the door

Santana- Winning

Do you necessarily like every song that is magical to you or is it the memories attached to them that you love so? Are there songs you love to hear today because they remind you of a time hating them with your friends?

You were working as a waitress in a cocktail bar
When I met you
I picked you out, I shook you up and turned you around
Turned you into someone new

Human League- Don't You Want Me

Perhaps it is true for us all-

Life is a Rock,
But the radio rolled me.
At the end of my rainbow
Lies a Golden Oldie.

Reunion- Life is a Rock

On the poll front: Why?

Why Not 3 (50%)

Because 1 (16%)

Someone had to 1 (16%)

When? 1 (16%)

Which means we have 3 bored people in search of something to do, one smart ass, one martyr, and one very confused person. I would say "Soon VE, soon."

The First (and Last) Kanrei Sermon of Everlasting Peace, Harmony, and Brussel Sprouts

Today, my friends, we are going to talk about “perspective” and all the evils contained within.

For some may blame religion for many of the world's ills, but I say “nay brother, nay!”

Some may blame politics for many of the world's ills today, but I say “nay brother, nay!”

No sir, nothing has created more evil; has committed more murder; has spread more sorrow I tell you than that evil, wicked, nasty, naughty demon named “perspective.”

I ask you, all of you right now, what can turn a terrorist into a freedom fighter? That's right my friends, perspective! What can take the best movie and make it a pile of steaming, dripping crap? That's right my friends, perspective! What makes a good leader stand apart from a bad leader? Hell, what makes the difference between the two? That's right my friends, perspective. Perspective justifies every war that ever was. Every murder is an act of self preservation in some manner from the right perspective.

I know you are scared now and you should be. Any lucid person would be, but I offer salvation in addition to problem revealing my friends. I offer a solution. The solution is simple and obvious- just accept my perspective as the right one. It clears everything up and makes life so much simpler. If you find yourself in disagreement with me, then quite simply you are wrong. Simple or what? I am a June Gemini after all.

Trust me, from my perspective, this is the best solution to all the world's problems. Just leave the key under the mat. Everything will be OK from now on.

Karl Rove Framed the Juice

Not really, but it seemed like too good of a headline to waste and I could not come up with any clever ways to work "Friday" into the title today.

OK,so we once again find ourselves at yet another Friday. Unlike other Fridays, I am not eager for this one to end. Once the sun sets tonight I cannot eat for 24 hours; Yom Kippur and all. I do so hate going hungry, but this is one of “those” holidays that I must follow. They say all I have to do is remember the dead and fast for 24 hours and my slate is clean for the next year. I screw up a lot, I mean A LOT, and so this “clean slate” thing is pretty enticing to me. The question is this: can I make it without cheating this year?

“You cheat?! On Yom Kippur?! You suck!”

Hey now! I don’t mean to cheat. I don’t want to cheat. I don’t set out to cheat. I try to eat before the sun sets, but it sets so damn early that I usually am not hungry enough to cram a 24 supply of food in my mouth. I get hungry usually around 8. The sun sets around 7. You do the math.

Also, I have never really figured out if drinking violates the fast or not? Does it depend on what I drink and why? Does drinking alcohol to get drunk instead of to satisfy thirst really violate the fast? Can I smoke? Well, I don’t smoke anymore, but did I break my fast all those years I thought I made it by chain-smoking all day long? Does it defeat the purpose of the fast to eat the most unkosher thing I can find to end it with? For me, that is usually a meat lover’s pizza simply because it has pork AND combines meat and dairy in one neat easy package. I feel that, if you are going to sin, sin big! I would add shellfish if I thought I could get it down without it coming back up.

Have a great weekend and a good Friday and enjoy your food tonight. Take an extra bite after you are full for me. Say “this is for those who cannot eat tonight; this pork is damn good.”

The Spectacle of the Spector Trial

I cannot believe they cannot come to a decision! I am shocked; stunned; pissed off! Have we really gotten so celebrity obsessed that we can no longer see the forest for the trees when we are standing right there, in the middle of the damn woods? I can understand getting awestruck if you meet a famous person on the street or something. I can even understand feeling some sense of pity for the Britneys and LiLo’s out there, but come on already! Just because a person is called a celebrity does not mean that we should just shut down our minds and try to excuse their actions.

No, I am not talking about O.J. today. I am quite possibly the only person not talking about O.J. today, but I am not. Screw the Juice! I personally think he was set up this time, but screw him anyway. No, I am talking about Phil Spector and Lana Clarkson.

“Who?”

Exactly! You probably could not even tell me which one of those two people are on trial right now and for what?

Phil Spector is a record producer who made his fame in the 60’s by creating a recording process he called “the Wall of Sound.” Basically, as I understand it, he would not place microphones to record individual instruments, but rather would place them to record the room and the echoes of the group playing as a whole. This would have each instrument “bleed” into the mikes of the others and create a “wall of sound” where each instrument’s tones are blended into the entire sound. It was rather unique and he created many of those “one hit wonders” of the era.

Lana Clarkson was a 40 year old actress. Her claim to fame was appearing in the “Barbarian Queen” films of the 80’s. She was also found dead in Phil Spector’s house in 2003 from what is either a suicide or a murder. No one is really sure and that is what the trial is all about: Phil Spector is accused of murdering Lana Clarkson. The jury is currently hung.

Here are a few facts that should help illustrate my confusion on what should have been an open and shut case.

1. Lana Clarkson met Phil Spector for the first time the night she died.
2. Her body was found in his house
3. She was shot with his gun
4. She was shot in the face, the mouth to be exact
5. At least five women testified that Spector had drawn guns on them when they tried to leave his house in the 70’s
6. Spector’s driver testified that after the shooting Spector said to him “I think I just killed someone.”
7. Clarkson’s blood was found on a towel in Spector’s upstairs bathroom
8. Clarkson’s body was found seated, in the foyer, with her purse on her shoulder
9. She just started working at the House of Blues
10. She went shoe shopping the day before and bought seven pairs of shoes for work


Spector’s defense team is claiming that Clarkson was a depressed out of work actress who went home with him and shot herself. That makes no sense to me.

1. Women do not usually shoot themselves as a way of suicide and certainly not in their face.
2. Most people do not go to a stranger’s house to kill themselves and certainly do not use a weapon they could not possibly have known was there.
3. People shot downstairs do not usually have their blood appear in an upstairs bathroom.
4. One would assume a person committing suicide would not place their purse on their right shoulder and enter the foyer of a house, then sit down and blow their brains out.

The jury is stuck right now in a 7-5 split. It is unknown if it is seven who believe he did it or seven caught up in celebrity madness, but there is little doubt he did it. I followed the trial somewhat closely. Lana Clarkson was one of my first crushes and Phil Spector is a legend in Rock and Roll. It is not often there are celebrities on both sides of a case either. I just cannot believe yet another person in Hollywood is going to get away with murder. I am talking to you O.J. and you Robert Blake!

The Intended Kanrei Wednesday Post

They say “great minds think alike.” It seems to work for those slightly off kilter minds as well. VE posted his take on how certain movies should have ended on the exact same day I was planning on posting my take on how certain movies should have been made. The worst part of it all is that his are way, way, WAY better than mine and I had been working on mine for two days now, trying to get it just right.

Now I can either post my intended post (and sort of copy him and fail in comparison) or come up with something new. Well, I am lazy and not that creative so here is my post idea for the day with today's fresh original posting beneath.

PS- VE wrote a Britney Spears Clash song that is great. Go to his site. It is on the right hand side.

I get bored in movies sometimes and start thinking up my own plot.

28 Days Later- Sandra Bullock plays a newspaper columnist forced to enter a rehab facility only to find the world overtaken by zombies upon her release.

28 Weeks Later- Sandra Bullock is back on the sauce and pregnant with a zombie biker's child.

The Resident Evil Trilogy:

Resident Evil- The true story of the Minutemen and their defense of the US border

Resident Evil: Armageddon- The Minutemen get a hold of nukes and decide to teach those "wetbacks" a lesson.

Resident Evil: Extinction- After making the US free from non-Resident aliens, the real horror begins as those jobs Americans won't do go undone and society breaks down.

Blair Witch Project- Something about Tony Blair's wife I think. Have you ever seen her? Me either.

Nightmare on Elm Street- Bush's economy comes to a neighborhood near you as home after home is foreclosed.

An American Werewolf in London- Madonna? OK, that one scares me too.

An American Werewolf in Paris- Madonna finds herself in a Hilton home por...I mean movie. The novelization will be sold in tinfoil wrapping for $50 and subtitled "Sex II: Electric Boogaloo"

Saw IV- people get trapped in a movie theater showing Saw I,II, and III and they must saw off their own feet to get out before the movie ends and their good taste is ruined forever. I have not seen this one yet, but do I really need to?

To end today, I will post a parody I wrote about Gay marriage.

To the tune of "Bandstand Boogie" by Barry Manilow
For the tune:

Sing Along


We got a problem
It just won't go away
Cause Massachusetts
Is giving rights to gays
We need an amendment
We're gonna have to change
The Constitution
(Tution)

Cause Massachusetts
They screwed the whole thing up
And now George Bush
You know he's had enough
He wants an amendment
He wants to make it tough
The Constitution
(Tution)

Can you believe people think there's freedom in the Constitution
(Tution)?

Third Post in a Day? Is the World Ending?

OK, so today is a triple post day. I know, I know. I don't usually post even once a day, let alone twice and now three times, but I have never had a request before. See, the first post today was a copy of the first song parody I ever wrote from way back in 1985. Then, while reading the news on the Drudge Report I saw the story of the student in Gainesville getting tased by the cops there. It made me rather upset and I felt the need to show it to anyone who may have A) missed it last night and B) stumbled upon my site.

After a good debate with Goldenlib I am starting to think maybe I over reacted to the video. As much as it does show, it does not show everything and therefore I really cannot comment on the cop's behavior. I am guilty of committing two of my most hated sins- bandwagon joining and conclusion jumping. I still feel what I feel, but since I am trying to be a good writer, I should have held off on my opinions until all the facts are out. I am sorry for sinning.

Now the third post, which is actually a sort of response to or continuation of my first, the song parody. In the comments to that post, there was a request from a new arrival. Since I am not above sucking up to new people I am now going to try my best to fulfill it.

“ I don't like 'ludes.” said Goldenlib. “Can you do a song using a different kind of drug?”

Why yes, Goldenlib. Yes, I believe I can. Do you like Marijuana? Do you like Steppenwolf? Do you like them together? Can anyone really like Steppenwolf without Marijuana? Sit back and inhale for this golden oldie:

To the tune of “Magic Carpet Ride” by Steppenwolf

I like to smoke (yeah)
Lots and lots and lots of dope
When I cough real hard
I get real high
Brings the red out in my eyes
You can look
Around
Stoned on the floor is where I'm found

I don't know what
I just smoked
Why don't you pass that bong over here
And let me take another toke (yeah)
I can't say where
Is my mind
Why don't you pass those chips over here
Cause I can't think of words to rhyme

Feeling stoned girl
Sorry, I zoned girl
I lose more braincells everyday


How was that one? I hope passed the audition. =D

Double Post Day Today!

Say good-bye to your rights. Do not ask about Bush impeachment. Just ask Andrew Meyer.

The questions and the arrest. Notice the cops not moving until the "Skull and Bones" question is asked:



"Don't tase me bro"

Being arrested, tasered, and still wondering why he was arrested



"What did I do?"

Notice how many people sat there and did NOTHING while a man is being abused and screaming for help. Read more here.

UPDATED Although official charges have not been filed by the State Attorney's office, he has been written up as charged with "resisting an officer and disturbing the peace."

From the new link:
"Police recommended charges of resisting arrest with violence, a felony, and disturbing the peace and interfering with school administrative functions, a misdemeanor."

How can you resist arrest when you are not under arrest? The "interfering with school functions" charge seems like a result of the spectacle and the arrest was abuse of power. There is no resisting here unless it is unlawful to stand up for your rights in the face of tyranny. I am no lawyer, but this just stinks all over and is smelling worse every moment. I hope the State Attorney refuses to charge Andrew and that those cops are removed from the force with no pay.

Stuck on a Theme

I love a good parody. I always have. I knew the minute I heard “Weird Al” for the first time that I had found my niche. I began trying to write my own from that point on. I would torture anyone who had the misfortune of playing a song I didn’t like with my own version every chance I took. The negative side of this was learning the actual lyrics to bad songs while trying to get the syllable count to match. It is why I know more lyrics to “Spice Girls” and “Brittney Spears” than I do to actual good music.

This is the first parody I ever wrote. It was done with my sister (the parody writing you perverts) when I was in seventh grade and she was in ninth. I remember we were sitting in a bus in Israel traveling between cities and bored when we started it. I can’t remember who started it or why, but the lyrics have always stayed with me. I hope you like it.

To the tune of “Footloose” by Kenny Loggins

I’ve been toking
So long
I even thought up
This song
Eight hours, twenty minutes, and three seconds
For what
Oh tell me what I’m on

I’ve got a sick feeling
That money’s just holding me back
I know whose dealing
Cause they always hand me a sack

Of ludes
Quaaludes
We used to be Sunday dudes
Louise
You sleaze
Get up off of your knees
Jack
Cut back
Long on before you crack
Don’t loose
Your ludes
Cause everyone’s taking Quaaludes

We, at the Lemming House, in no way, shape, or form endorse the taking, using, selling, buying, or something else of drugs in any way way, shape or form. We believe there is a time and place for everything and drugs are only for people who really need them or who really like them and only to be used on days ending in the letter "y". Do not operate heavy machinery while under the influence. Most cars however, due to the use of fiberglass, do not fall under this category any longer, so drive with care and avoid those hallucinations. Real people can heal, but a hallucination can be damaged for life.

I sense a theme this week. Maybe I need to make a new category for this blog.

Lady Madonna (The Kanrei Remake)

For the context, go here
For the lyrics- look beneath the Youtube clip
For the tune:


Sing along

Lady Madonna
Won’t you go away
Why do think anyone cares what you say?

I see you’re in the papers
I see you’re making news
Trying to pretend you are Ambassador for the Jews

Everyday you try to get the headlines
Trying desperately just to regain
The attention that you are sadly still are craving
But it comes across as just lame

Lady Madonna
Or is it Esther now
Either way you only worship the next golden cow


Are you feeling empty and slightly worthless
Have you not gotten enough fame
Do you wake up late at night fearing
They might forget your name

Lady Madonna
I think you need a clue
Wearing red strings doesn’t make you a Jew

Everyday you try to get the headlines
Trying desperately just to regain
The attention that you are sadly still are craving
But it comes across as just lame

Lady Madonna
Won’t you go away
Why do think anyone cares what you say?

The Face of Friday

The fact that I have not had a cigarette today is a testament to willpower. Yes, it is a Friday today and yes, it is one of THOSE Fridays today. I think it might be because I was off the last two days so that makes today a Monday-Friday hybrid. Just when you thought it was safe to return to work, the Monfri lays in wait…

I think today can best be summed up in one word: FFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUU********KKKKKKK!!!!!!!

There, I feel better now. Happy new year to all my fellow Lemmings. If you have wondered where I have been these last two days, I have been celebrating Rosh Hashanah- the Jewish New Year. It is one of the “Big Three” I celebrate. The other two are Yom Kippur and Passover. I don’t count Chanukah as one of the big important holy holidays, but rather I view it like Christmas: Free Stuff Day.

Because this day has been so horrible, I have nothing really entertaining or humorous to say today. I think this is mostly a “hello, I still live” post. Sorry I have been missing the fun at your blogs, but I am not in a great mood for reading today. I will catch up over the weekend, I promise. Maybe not here, but on your sites for certain.

Happy Weekend… It can only get better from here I suppose.

Nice to see I am not the only one that had the shit scared out of me by The Exorcist; makes me feel better about allowing a 12 year old girl to have given me nightmares for so many years.

9-11-07

The September 11 Digital Archive uses electronic media to collect, preserve, and present the history of September 11, 2001 and its aftermath. The Archive contains more than 150,000 digital items, a tally that includes more than 40,000 emails and other electronic communications, more than 40,000 first-hand stories, and more than 15,000 digital images.

What can I add exactly, or should I, or could I?

Ask and They Might Just Answer

I am going to be a little self-centered right now. I know you are shocked. A blogger announcing he is going to be self-centered is kind of like a fish announcing his intent to go swimming. A person does not write page after page expressing their opinions on any and everything without being just a tad bit self-involved, but I still feel I owe you, my loyal reader, a warning that I am going to go above and beyond with the patting of my back right now. Read on with that in mind.

We have all heard the stories of the “vanishing Honeybee” I am sure. If you haven't, it seems that Honeybees are disappearing all over the place with no corpses left behind and little understanding of exactly why this is happening at this time. There are theories ranging from “global warming” to “disease within the bee community” to “media manipulation of a non-story.” The simple truth is that no one really knows for certain where the bees are going or why.

Last week, Alan Boyle, who is the Science Editor for MSNBC, wrote a column further discussing the virus theory and the story rose many questions in my mind as I read it. They were not problems with his reporting at all., but rather just questions I have had and that the media has yet to address, so I emailed him with the questions.

This email was sent last week and quickly forgotten by me. I tend to question so many stories on a daily basis that I cannot keep track of them all. I figured that he would email me with a response if my questions were valid and would ignore them if they were not. Today I saw this:

If there are no dead bees being found, then how can we say for certain they are dying? Can the Africanized honey bees and their migration into the United States be a contributing factor if not a cause? Do we know if regular honeybees migrate and, if so, do we know anything about the patterns or timing? How long exactly have we been keeping track of bee movements? If it is less than, say, 200 years, can we really rule out that this is just a pre-existing pattern? - Brad Schader

"They're not finding the dead bees in high numbers, which actually is a good indicator of what's going on," Evans said. If, for instance, pesticides were the primary factor behind the flight of the honeybee, scientists would expect to find bunches of dead bees lying around the hive. Instead, it looks as if the individual bees just fly off and die.

"Do they simply peter out and lose energy? Or do they actually get disoriented? Both of those have been tied to diseases in the past," Evans said.

Bee turnover rates are typically high during the summer foraging season, Evans acknowledged. "In the summer, a 20,000-bee colony will completely turn over in about 30 days," he said.

Penn State entomologist Diana Cox-Foster, the lead author for the Science study, provided some additional perspective in an e-mail. If statistics scare you, feel free to skip over these paragraphs:

There is more, but I don't want to bore you with science. Click the link for the full answer to my question.

I must thank Alan Boyle for answering it so thoroughly. My questions are validated, answered, and it went far beyond what I expected. I am also flattered that he used my letter as a part of his recent column. This is the “back patting” part of my post by the way.

Lesson to the lemmings- write journalists about stories you read. They may respond. I think they are like us, only without the comment section.

Can You Believe It?

The pastrami's cold I tell ya! The pastrami is cold! Oh how can this be; cold pastrami? What did I do to deserve cold pastrami? Even warm or hot pastrami would be almost too much to take considering how much I really don't like pastrami, but cold pastrami? The mind boggles; well, my mind boggles.

Have you ever had to deal with cold pastrami before? Am I taking this whole thing far to personally? Are there cultures out there where the giving of cold pastrami is considered among the highest of honors one can bestow upon another mortal being? Could small Pygmy tribes in western Australia offer cold pastrami to their gods in exchange for a good season's harvest? Do Pygmy's actually really live in Australia? Is saying “small Pygmy” redundant?

How am I supposed to sleep exactly now with all these questions piled on my mind, never mind this possible “cold pastrami affront?"

I wonder if pastrami is like Gazpacho soup and I am making a big deal over nothing. Boy would I feel foolish if I posted something that stupid. Or is it "I would feel stupid posting something that foolish?" Either way, glad I didn't do it.

Steals Your Face Right Off Your Head

I know I said I owed you a post today and, if I can finish this one to my satisfaction within the next 45 minutes I am not a liar. A procrastinator yes; a slacker for certain, but a liar- not this lemming. I promise a post and I deliver a post. Is it on par with my usual post? Do I have a usual post? Well, I honestly can't say right now. You see, I am as deep into this post as you are at this moment and know about what's coming next as you do right now. It should be fun to find out with a disappointing ending; kind of like aM. Night McShamalamdingdong movie.

I don't endorse products by name here usually as a rule. You may have noticed I have yet to name which pill I took to quit smoking because it is not my place to push products, but I must babble about this to someone and no one else I know really cares so here it goes.

Sirius offers something like 120 channels and I currently pay for two receivers (home and car), yet as of yesterday at noon I will be wasting 119 of them. I have not been able to turn off channel 32 since it began its new life as, are you ready for it, Grateful Dead Radio. Yes, 24 hours a day of Grateful Dead. We are talking studio tracks, live tracks, full concerts, related family bands, and covers of Dead tunes all the time! Last night I fell asleep listening to the Stanford Marching Band playing “Uncle John's Band.” Right now I am hearing a full show from New York, 9/22/93. I think I used to have a tape of this show actually, but this is a digital soundboard (drools on keyboard). I woke up today at the Fillmore in San Francisco, 1973 I believe.

I wonder if Sirius would discount my subscription if I explain to them I only need one channel. Yes, I can and most probably will listen to this all the time. In my pizza delivery days I had a bootleg playing in my car everyday, all day. When they moved me inside the music came with me. The punks hated when I ran a shift. I would usually break down and let them hear their music as we closed. I mean I may be a Deadhead, but I am a Metalhead, punk, grunge hippie, alternative, Gothic, disco Deadhead at heart.

Oh my....Here Comes Sunshine is playing right now. It has been literally 15 years since I heard this song at least. Ahhhhhhhhhhh.

You mean he was a dead deity super-villain pretending to live in the past the entire time?

Is This Friday the Real McCoy?

Friday. Yup….Friday. Did you know it was Friday? Feels like Thursday. Probably because of that Labor Day holiday…or was it Memorial Day? (Don’t start that crap up again) Sorry. It was Labor Day for certain. See, I do read the comments.

For today I am going to treat you to a rather humorous video I just saw at Youtube…wait a minute. I’m still at work. I meant to say “a rather humorous video I saw LAST NIGHT at Youtube and am only remembering right now.” Boss may be reading ya know. Watch the entire thing. It is four minutes long, but the jokes keep getting better.

Join me and “make greetings with my boisterous small acquaintance.”



Happy Friday. I would say "happy weekend," but I have a feeling I am going to be posting something tomorrow. I feel the need, the need for babbling.

Thinking About Baseball

Are you ok?
Are you sure you're ok?
Are you ready?
Are you sure you're ready?
How's that?
Is that right?
Should I move?
Did that hurt?
Sorry
Are you ok?
Are you sure you're ok?
I don't think that goes there
Oh, I guess it does.
Does that feel right?
Faster? Slower? Which?
I can't go “slowly faster”
Oh, slowly go faster
Was that your hair?
No, I'll move
Don't move
Is that good?
Is that right?
Is that it?
That's it?!
Sorry
I swear that's never happened before.

I Think I Need to Stop Thinking

Oh me, oh my, oh mo….oh mo? Never mind, it seems I have run out of things to say today. I started out the day with plenty on my mind, but it seems I have just used my last thought. You see, I have been visiting other blogs today before writing on my own. I was looking for that spark, that hidden blog muse that is always hiding out there somewhere to inspire me, but alas the muse has remained hidden. Instead, I have found myself commenting on other people’s blogs. This is not new or bad or a complaint, but the comments have been quite long, almost post length in some cases, and it seems I have exhausted my supply of things to say.

Who knew there were a finite number of thoughts bouncing about in my head? I never imagined that my subconscious was rationing out my points of view so that they would last until my old age. Maybe that explains Alzheimer’s disease: maybe people just run out of thoughts. Maybe they just thought too much in their youth, or spent one too many hours daydreaming or something. What a scary thought that is….shit that means I just wasted one of my limited thoughts on this concept of limited thoughts. Oh the irony.

A comedian (I forget which one since I listen to so many comedians on a daily basis) once said that men go bald because each man is born with a certain amount of inches (on his head you pervs) and that once it is used up, it’s gone. If you choose to have long hair in your youth, you will be bald by 40. I had long hair in my youth and my Yamika landing pad is growing steadily so there might be something to that theory after all. I wonder if this theory goes for thoughts as well.

I think I need to go before I waste another thought and have to dip into tomorrow’s thoughts to cover it. Tomorrow is Friday and we all know how those go for me. I think I am going to need every thought I have. SHIT! I just wasted two more just in this paragraph!

Can We Get Rosie Back?

I have tried my best to contain myself on “The View” issues that keep cropping up, but I just can’t any longer. I believe deep in my heart that these issues are their sole source of viewership and I know they are depending on people like myself to talk about what they said to keep them in the press. I know that by writing this right now I am playing into their grand scheme, but this is something that goes a tad bit beyond their usual “bitchfest.” Today Whoopie has just condoned racism and violence and I am shocked. I cannot be silent any longer.

Here are a few things Whoopie said today on “The View” with my comments to them added in italics.

"There are certain things that are indicative to certain parts of the country."

So was wearing hoods and burning crosses, but we don’t accept that behavior either

“For a lot of people dogs are sport”

Once upon a time blacks were considered “farm equipment,” does that excuse slavery?

"(I)t seemed like a light went off in his head when he realized this was something that the entire country didn't appreciate,"

It was OK on a small scale as long as the entire country's opinion did not enter into the fray? Kind of like segregation was a southern thing the nation just didn't get?

"You know from his background this is not an unusual thing for where he comes from”

It was normal to be a racist in the South. Considering Edgar Ray Killen’s background, racism was not an usual thing for where he came from in 1964. Maybe we just don't understand the murdering of those civil rights workers.

OK, Whoopie was talking about Michael Vick and his dogs and not racism or violence, but it amazes me how people can justify anything in their minds if they want to support the offender. Michael Vick is as bad to me as any racist or bigot out there. He tortured and killed something because of what it was and what it would not do. That is wrong and beyond defense. I am not even getting into her "cultural elitst" excuse of "those poor Southerners just don't know no better." I can’t believe I actually miss Rosie. Am I off base?