Friday, November 17, 2006

Writer's Doubt

Funny thing about living in Miami; it only takes one drive to go from a great mood to a bad one. I am serious. It was not heavy traffic or anything really, but somehow and for some reason I left my parent’s house in a very good mood after a great dinner and conversation only to walk in my front door uptight and annoyed. Weird, huh?

I know there is no full moon right now (I think I know) so that cannot be the cause of this strange mood I suddenly find myself in. Work was actually very good and fun today so that cannot be it. I think it is my writing that is getting to me to be perfectly honest and not Miami or the traffic.

I am going to have to go back to school or something and take a few basic classes to refresh myself. I do tend to obsess a bit so it is very likely that this realization made during the drive home could alter my entire mood. I just know I am in a funk.

The reason I believe it is my writing is that I am very dissatisfied with the quality I am putting out lately. I find myself examining every sentence and double guessing my grammar. I question my paragraphs wondering if they are run-ons or am I breaking them up where I should not be? Did I use the right verb tense with that last reference? Did I really misspell that word or is spell-check crazy?

If that is bad, just wait until we get to the actual context of my writing. I find myself reading something I enjoyed writing just to find myself doubting its worth. I ask if my opinion is valid enough to write on. I wonder if anyone really cares about what I think. I even start to think I must be wrong. I fight the urge to put a disclaimer at the end apologizing to the reader for wasting their time. Sometimes I even lose the fight as the OJ story showed.

Are these thoughts normal for writers? I have always dabbled in writing, but this is the first time I have really committed to it and done it with the intent of entertaining others instead of just myself. This is the first time I really cared what the reader thought. That was my first mistake, wasn’t it?

Just fought the urge to apologize for this post… this is getting bad.


Serena Joy said...

Relax! Those kinds of thoughts are entirely normal. If you didn't second-guess yourself constantly, or watch your moods change for no known reason with or without a full moon, you couldn't call yourself a writer. Trust me, you'll find yourself in a completely different mood tomorrow -- probably several times. LOL.

Joanie78 said...

The reason your writings became so popular is because of your unique style.....just go with the flow and don't start 2nd guessing....

RexZeitgeist said...

You are an excellent writer Kan, I don't care what everyone else says about you!

For the blues, I suggest a bottle of gin and a adult video rental.....That always helps me through the 'rough patches' ......