Thursday, November 16, 2006

My Sinking Standards

I just read a story below even my already sub-sewer standards. I am impressed with the depravity the subject of this story showed, but I just really cannot get into the tale. I mean this website is a family-friendly franchise. OK, a dysfunctional inbred family, but a family just the same.

I know I have already written about various idiots and their ventures into sexual deviance and/or crime, but this story really crosses that line. I just can’t do it. It is even below that guy who went to find a sheep while his wife was out of town. It beats the man driving while using a penis pump and blows away the couple engaging in sexual acts during an armed robbery (pun intended a little).

“Bambi was cute, but his Mom was so sexy towards the end of the movie”

I will say this: just because the deer is dead does not make the act any better. Just go here if you really must know more. You will be so mad at me though if you read too much.

On a much funnier note (or is that more funny note?) there is this story out of Stuart, Florida. This is also a story found at the Smoking Gun . If you ever wondered why I say “Floridiot” to describe my fellow residents you will not much longer.

A man walks into a convenience store in Florida. He gets in line and waits patiently for his turn at the counter. He very slyly removes a machete from his pants (he was NOT happy to be there) and points it at the clerk’s chest demanding the register be opened.

The man did not do his homework obviously because, while trying to hold the oversized knife to the clerk another clerk came up behind her and startled our brave young dumb criminal. He withdraws momentarily, but a moment is all our heroine needs to grab a machete of her own and the stand-off begins. It ends with our hero running out of the store being chased by yet another unaccounted for male employee now in possession of the clerk’s machete. I love the stupid.

I know the description is a bit hard to follow so, lucky for us it all happened on film. This guy really did not do his homework at all on his job. Wrong weapon, unaccounted for employees, no knowledge of the equipment he would encounter, no mask, no gloves, and all done right on center stage. Enjoy the film.

My standards are sinking because I did end up kind of writing about our dear with the dead deer desires. Oh well...


SJ said...

Good God! I've seen a lot of deviance lately, but this dear idiot goes to the front of the line. What a friggin' moron. As is Machete Boy. LOL!

Variant E said...

Your definitely bottom feeding with these stories. Sex with a deer carcass...Imagine what his Thanksgiving must be like!

Kanrei said...

I know Var,
After my week off I am having a very hard time getting back into writing everyday. I will improve I promise.

RexZeitgiest said...

I think machete boy was just misunderstood.....He is a free sprit, just sewing his oats!