Monday, February 11, 2008

Lemming News Strike News Update

I realize that I have been negligent on my coverage of the Lemming Strike, but you must understand that, by the very nature of a strike, there really has been no news to report. The Lemmings are on strike which means they are not jumping off cliffs, not following leaders, not doing any of the “lemming” behaviors that I would normally be reporting on so, I suppose that I too am therefore on strike, although I am not striking for anything in particular other than for the Lemmings to do something, anything that I can report.

There was an almost interesting development the other night on the strike line actually; something almost news worthy even. The alien zombie invasion had made its way to the striking grounds a few hours before I was successful in fighting them off. There was a short period of time where the striking Lemmings found themselves stuck between a cliff and a horde of raging alien zombies. They had to think quickly if they were going to break the strike and jump off the cliffs or if they were going to stick by their collective bargaining brethren and become appetizers for the alien zombie masses. Luckily for them, I arrived at the last possible minute with my chainsaws and Hostess Twinkies and saved the day for Lemming-kind everywhere.

In retrospect however, I should have held off until the Lemmings made their choice since that would have been news I could have reported. While I could report the details of my heroic battle with the alien zombies in order to save the striking Lemming masses, that would be bragging and one thing Kanrei does not do is brag. My coolness is so obvious that there is little reason for me to rub it in.


Serena Joy said...

Aw, go ahead. Brag a little. I think you managed the situation just right. There's very little, after all, that can't be resolved by the introduction of Hostess Twinkies into the negotiations.:)

VE said...

Have you considered it might be the Twinkies that enrages the zombies? Perhaps it was Twinkies that made them zombies in the first place.

Kanrei said...

They were enraged long before either myself or the Twinkies arrived on the scene. I personally think it was the Republicans who did this, but they deleted the emails that could prove it. Regardless, it seems that the creme filling of the Twinkies acts as a zombie laxative. There are partially digested body parts everywhere right now and, despite my efforts to save the day, they are blaming me for the mess and forcing me to clean it up. Some bloody vacation... hey, I made a joke.