Monday, February 18, 2008

Kanrei '08

I have decided to reveal to all, my plan for world domination. I realize that telling you the details of this plan increases the risk of you stopping it, but I am gambling on your actually liking a world under my control and therefore see telling you the details of my plan more a step towards compliance. How could I possibly expect you to follow my will if I don't reveal my will to you?

Step one: convince the public that I am worthy of leadership. This should be a relatively short step that I plan on beginning and ending with the announcement of my ruler...ship...dom. Hell, once I rule, it will be called a "Rulershipdom" and no one will dare say "there is no such word!"

Back on point, my qualifications for ruling are simple: after Clinton and Bush, how much worse could I possibly be? I realize that the office of the President was once the highest honor the country could bestow upon an individual, but those two really have kind of cheapened the office; wouldn't you say? I think of the Oval Office more as some kind of “frat house” now with all that sex, drugs, and nepotism and damnit, I like sex, drugs, and nepotism got me where I am today, so I think I am ready.

The other reason why I should lead: I thought of it first.

Step two: round up those few stubborn people who refuse my Rulershipdom and move them to New Jersey or Detroit. This is not banishment so much as a reconditioning. People who live in New Jersey and Detroit really seem to dig living there which is a clear sign of low standards. My hope is that a few weeks surrounded by these people will lower the hold-out’s standards and thus make my leadership of the Rulershipdom a bearable alternative.

Step three: dance and party in the noon-day sun. This step is self-explanatory. Under the "Kanrei Rulershipdom," every day that has a vowel in it will be a national holiday and only those with vowels in their names will have to work. Since “Kanrei” is more of a title than a name, I will not have to work ever. My name is Brd.

This is my plan. While shallow, weak, and basically worthless, it is more of a plan than anyone else seeking President has offered.

Kanrei in 2008. Vote Early and Vote Often.


Serena Joy said...

I was planning to dominate the world myself, but since you actually have a plan, maybe I'll just sit back and let you do all the work.:)

Kanrei said...

I could use a "Vice Ruler." Not a second fiddle to me, but an actual ruler of vice. I can think of no one more qualified than you, SJ.

Charles will head my "Office of Evil Genius Maneuvering."

VE gets "Cardinal of the Ever-Lasting Nonsensical Logic"

Let me know any other jobs anyone may want.

Serena Joy said...

I'd be very pleased to accept the Cabinet position of Vice Ruler. I do know a few vices that many of your Cabinet members may never have heard of before. By the time I'm done with them, you'll have the most corrupt Cabinet in history. And they'll love every minute of it.:-)