Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Kanrei '08: The Proof

If you had any doubt that a world ruled by yours truly would not be a better place, just look at all the wonderful things that have happened since I announced my plan.

I announce my plan for world domination yesterday, and today Obama and Hillary are warring over stolen words. Yes, my candidacy has them so scared that they no longer trust the strength of their own words and must now “borrow” words from more successful and stronger political minds. Score one for the Kanrei!

I announce my plan for world domination yesterday, and today Castro steps down from power in Cuba. Don’t think that has anything to do with me? Remember, Castro is only ninety-one miles from the South Florida compound from which my world domination will be orchestrated. He may be evil, corrupt, and Communist, but he obviously ain’t crazy! Would you want to be evil and only ninety-one miles away from “Whoop-Ass Central?” Score two for the Kanrei!

I announce my plan for world domination yesterday, and today Toshiba backs out of the HD war with their tail between their legs. Why? Simple really: because Kanrei owns a Blu-Ray player and HD-DVD was a threat. They obviously saw which way the wind was blowing and thought it better to be on the future global ruler’s good side. Score three for the Kanrei!

I announce my plan for world domination yesterday and today the WGA strike ends. OK, yes it actually ended last week, but that was mainly due to the rumors of my eventual global domination campaign. They know damn well that I need my “My Name is Earl” and the way that last episode ended was not acceptable. New episodes start April 3rd. Score four for the Kanrei!

Four points in one day! Come on and join the winning team. Kanrei ‘08: Vote Early and Vote Often.

6 comments:

sprinkle4 said...

Well, if you win, do you think you could do something about my credit score?:) (I know most people would ask for world peace, but I have to be practical here!)

Kanrei said...

I can do something about it. Marry me and I can make it worse =D

World peace is overrated. Give me whirled peas any day.

VE said...

Is that why Linsay Lohan posed naked as Marilyn Monroe...as a tribute to your Kennedy like leadership?

Is that why Paris is performing in Vegas...for your cause?

Is that way they developed a submarine car...for those that oppose you so they can go underground?

Is that the REAL reason why the current Government is shooting down their satellites?

It's all coming clear....

Kanrei said...

We accept no blame for LiLo's Monroe impression. We do have some eye-drops that will restore your vision if you have seen them. When you do see them, please resist the urge to connect the dots you will see all over her. Those are freckles and do not, in fact, create a picture.

Paris in Vegas is a cheap Republican ploy to try and increase the suicide rates in Nevada. Few realize the Lemming Stronghold that Nevada actually is. It will not work however.

We developed the submarine car and who exactly would oppose me? Do they matter in anyway if they oppose me? They obviously don't use logic.

The satellites are actually illegal immigration outposts used by Mexican laborers to avoid the supposed fence being built.

Serena Joy said...

I for one bow to your plan for world domination. There's no arguing with the fact that once you announced, things are happening. I'm voting for you. Now, what can you do about this lingering cold of mine?:)

VE said...

Dang, I'm glad I was an early lemming convert...can I have California when you take over?