Tuesday, August 04, 2015

That "C" Word

I have pinpointed the source of my anxiety and it is that dreaded "C-word," but not the one you think.   I am not talking about the "7/30/13" type of c-word, but rather the one that hits us all and does so numerous times throughout our lives.   Yes kids, I am talking about "Change."

Did you feel that shutter drift down your spine when you read it?   That is because we all know it, and we all fear it.   Sure we psyche ourselves up before it and try our damnedest to reshape that emotion into excitement or anxiety, but let's be honest: it is fear and that is OK.   Fear is natural.   Fear always heralds in the unknown and Change is the ultimate unknown, any change, so fear it; worry about it; lose sleep.    This is all vital to the process.

I've always loved the expression "Worry is a form of Jewish Prayer."  I take it to mean instead of telling G-d what we want to have happen, we leave the end results in His hands, but express in no shortage of detail exactly what we DO NOT want to happen.    We are saying "of the myriad of options and outcomes you have before you, please don' t pick this one" and usually G-d listens.   People say he doesn't answer prayers, but the truth is we don't pray for the right things: leave the outcome to Him and express your desires only.

None of the above mitigates the symptoms of fear, and it will only make you miserable to deny it.   "I'm not scared" and "I'm not nervous" are things we tell others hoping if we see that they bought it, we might believe it ourselves, but they know we are terrified.  

Communication is 80% body language, so I am only aware of 20% of what I am communicating at best.  Hell, even the 7 year old child of a co-worker who is spending the summer in the office called me out on it, but didn't realize it when he did.  He asked me why my hands were shaking.  I hadn't realized they were as they never do.   Now I notice I am making far more errors typing than I normally do.   Subtle, but an obvious symptom of the fear.  So too is my constantly in motion right leg and foot.

The reason this process is vital is because it aids in the acceptance process that occurs after the stimulus of the fear has passed.   Experience is expectation minus perception.   This means what we experience is what's left of our expectation after what we perceive happens.   To make it simpler (you're welcome), we go into something with an idea of what is going to happen, good or bad, and then the something happens.   This either confirms our thoughts, or removes them with a different experience.   What is left is what we think of what we went though.  

Going into an unknown expecting good sets you up for disappointment.   Going into an unknown expecting something bad sets you up for surprise.   I feel going into an operation that this is the path to use.      This "law" if you will is not a universal one at all and is rather a guideline than even a "rule."

I went to the dentist today and a painkiller I took has kicked in, so I am going to stop writing.    Rule one: Thou Shall Not Blog High.

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