Today's Theme: I HATE YOU AT&T!!!

Oh my yes AT&T, how I loath you. I wish I could hate you more than I already do, as I have hated you this deeply for so long that it is losing it's thrill, but there is no lower level to my hate yet. You have passed Hitler. You have passed Spice Girls. You have even passed that baby crying in the back row of Shutter Island, and that takes skill. I hate you like Kirk hated Khan; like Jerry hated Tom; like Palin hates thinking.

It is not enough to suck completely at every facet of what you claim to do, my dear AT&T, but you take pride in your sucking. You brag about the "Retention Department" as if having so many people threatening to quit your service that you had to start a subsection of customer service is a good thing. Most companies don't piss off their clients to the point of wanting to quit the service on such a frequent basis. You should look into it.

Here is a novel idea by the way: fire all your customer service people and promote the Retention Department to the front lines? It has gotten to the point now that, when I call you, I just ask for them right out since 9 out of 10 of my calls to you ends up there anyway. It makes me feel bad for them since they are usually quite nice and I am usually quite pissed after dealing with: first, finding your number; second, the "press one, now press three, did you mean two" menu I have to navigate; third, the inbred who answers the phone; fourth, the "non-caring floor supervisor" who did the inbreeding; and then the brilliance of the manager who says there is nothing he can do. Somehow, Retention ALWAYS fixes the problem.

Dealing with you first thing on a Friday is not the way I want to start my weekend. You are on notice now that I am seeking an alternative. I have found Comcast for my internet; I already canceled my DirecTv, and, once I find a new home phone, you can kiss my ass AT&T!

You suck rotten pig eggs in the deepest corpuscles of Hell.