Tuesday, November 27, 2007


I forgot to tell you and I am so sorry about it. I got too excited I suppose and it simply slipped my mind, but I am taking this week off- from work, news, stress, and blogging. I will return this Sunday, fully rested and ready to tackle anything reality may throw my way. I hope you had a great turkey day and I will see all of you next week.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Post #496 -OR- Lemming Strike Field Report

This is Kanrei with a KHWL “Lemming Strike” update. The current time is twenty minutes after the hour and we are about to begin day two of the strike

Tension could not be higher at the moment. The two sides are bitterly split apart with what appears, right now at least, to be an insurmountable difference of opinion. I honestly think this strike could very well extend way past breakfast and, possibly even into lunch. Dinner is currently paying very close attention to this situation as it seems to be growing by the moment.

Hi Kanrei, first time listener, long time caller....(laughs)I mean first time caller, long time listener. Sorry about that. I'm nervous right now.

Hi and thanks for calling. I was unaware we were actually taking calls right now. I was kinda under the impression this was a news report, but as long as you are on the air, you might as well go ahead and ask away.

Thanks. Am I on the air?

Would you like to start again?

No thanks, just let me know when we are on the air please.

We are, have been, and FCC allowing, will be on the air for some time to come. Your thoughts, or lack there of, are currently bouncing about with the confines of about three people's heads at this very moment. Care to impart upon them the depths of your wisdom?

Three whole people?

Cute. Do you have any actual questions or has an ex-girlfriend put you up to this?

No, no...I have a question. Sorry about that. Do the lemmings have any actual demands or is this just a strike out of sheer boredom?

Damn good question.

Thank you. I really hope you have a damn good answer or else the readers are going to be rather pissed at this.

(Gulps)They have one demand; well, one demand with two parts. They want “shorter cliffs and they want mattresses or trampolines at the base of said cliffs.”

That is it? It seems so petty.

Well, to be honest, these demands came after the strike began. Seems they were picketing a little too close to the cliffs and, well, once one fell over the edge...let's just say there are far fewer lemmings in line tonight than there were this morning. Thus, the mattress demand.

So then why were they striking in the first place exactly?

They're lemmings. They heard about the Writer's strike and the French transport unions' strike, and the Broadway stagehand strike, and the CBS news writer's strike: they had no choice but to strike. To quote someone on the line, "It just seemed like the thing to do."

Besides, I needed something to blog about.

Well, thank you for that report and your honesty Kanrei. This is KHWL on the Blogger dial and the time is thirty-seven minutes after the hour. Stay tuned for a very special Wednesday Thanksgiving edition of "It's Friday" coming later today on most of these screens.

Hey! This is my blog and my show and I sign off.

Hello? Heellllllllloooooooo.....

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Post #495 -OR- (can't finish, on strike)

My Dear Fellow Bloggers,

I think the time has come for us to strike. Against whom? Does it matter really? We are bloggers and mostly work for ourselves, so I suppose I propose we strike against ourselves. I am pretty sure there is some degree, however small, of self-loathing within us all. Do we, as writers, really want to work for someone who loathes us from time to time?

How many times have you poured your heart out onto the blank screen just to have yourself tell you that it was total crap and delete it before your very eyes? Don’t you deserve better treatment from your employer than that? You are working and slaving, developing carpal tunnel at the least for no pay and all they can say is “that’s total crap, start again.” Screw that!

How many hours a day do you spend with your blogging employer? I tend to spend, on average, 24 hours a day with mine; every day. A full 365 days a years I spend sharing air, space, and even skin with mine; 366 in a leap year and I don’t even get overtime pay for that extra day every four years! Mine even will wake me up in the middle of the night if he gets some problem on his mind. That is beyond what I signed up for as a blogger damnit!

The time has come to join our brethren from the Writer’s Guild of America, the Broadway stage hands, the CBS news writing staff, and the French civil servants and start a blogging strike!

I, of course, will not be joining you in this strike however. Someone needs to keep the public informed of our demands and progress and I am volunteering to take that job. I will keep on blogging, my brethren, so that you can raise the awareness of all we suffer through to provide entertainment to the tens of people who stop by for the seconds a day to see what we are babbling about this time.

Strike hard, my blogging brethren; strike while the iron’s hot (whatever that means in this context). I support you and will begrudgingly keep your readers entertained while you walk the line. We are in this together.

Love Always,

Monday, November 19, 2007

494 -OR- Squeeze it Once in Memory

First the Marlboro man, then the "Where's the beef?" lady, then the "time to make the doughnuts" guy, and now the "don't squeeze the Charmin" man. These characters are as much a part of our youth as any character we encountered in our lives, in some ways more because we saw them so much more often.

R.I.P. Dick Wilson, AKA "Mr. Whipple." Say "hi" to the "you're soaking in it" lady and let her know we will miss you all.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Post #493 -OR- "One Company to Rule Them All"

KHWL is proud to present: Kanrei's Rant. A weekly feature where our very own lemming extraordinaire, Kanrei, will take requests throughout the week for subjects that bother you beyond words, and, on Sunday night, will create a complaining, bitching, ranting, raving, hollering, foaming work of art for your enjoyment. Hey, if a piece of tin welded to an umbrella next to a bucket of piss can be art, then so can these rants, regardless of their quality.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, it's time for Kanrei's Rant.

(insert theme music here -Grateful Dead's Brown-Eyed Women)
Gone are the days when the ox fall down
he'd take up the yoke and plow the fields around
Gone are the days when the ladies said "please,
gently Jack Jones won't you come to me?"

Brown eyed women and red grenadine
the bottle was dusty but the liquor was clean
Sound of the thunder with the rain pouring down
and it looks like the old man's getting on

When I was younger...stupid way to start actually. The fact that I am starting this in the past tense implies I was younger than I am today when the events I am about to discuss took place. That is, unless I am from Ork like Mork was. Remember when Johnathan Winters came on the show as Mork and Mindy's son? He was an old man because people from Ork were born as old people and grow younger as they mature. The concept of a reverse planet also was a major factor in Red Dwarf's overall plot as well, but I don't want to ruin that story for any of you. I will now officially start over.

Kanrei's Warm-Up Rant, take two. And.....action!

Growing up as a youth....can I start again? This is as bad a beginning as the first one for the exact same reasons.

Kanrei's Warm-Up Rant, take (sigh) three. And...action!

There are so many reasons I feel badly for the youth of today. I realize this statement alone officially makes me an “old person” (please sign me up for AARP as quickly as possible), but it is true. And this is not because they can't play with toy guns any longer thanks to Columbine; or make crank calls thanks to caller id; or even ride their bike miles from home just to explore without fear of the dirty old man in the windowless white van. While all good reasons, none of them fully captures the reason why I feel so badly for the youth of today.

When I was growing up, I watched the “Skipper Chuck” show religiously. He was quite possibly my first real non-family role model.

Who is Skipper Chuck?

To this day I can't look at three fingers without thinking and sometimes singing “peace, love and happiness/ peace love and happiness.”

Great, but who is “Skipper Chuck?”

Everything my parents taught me was reinforced in the lessons Skipper Chuck taught us each day.

I am honestly and deeply so very happy for this deeply felt and obviously very important to you childhood memory, but who exactly is “Skipper Chuck” already, please?

My mother watched Skipper Chuck when she was a child as well.

Oh for Christ's sake already, who the f*&k is “Skipper Chuck”or I am going to stop reading right here and now?!

The “Skipper Chuck Show” was a south Florida institution for generations. Chuck Zink, AKA the "Skipper", was a third parent for every child raised down here between 1957-79. I am positive there was a local children's show where you were once upon a time. Think of him as our very own Bozo the Clown (without the creepy clown stuff). Wikipedia actually does a good job with describing the show, better than I can, so click here for more information.

This rant is not a tribute to Skipper Chuck. I was using my memories of him to illustrate a point- local programing is dead and buried. It is an extinct animal; an antiquated memory; a relic. The life blood of a community is slow fading away before our very eyes and somehow we are cheering it on. Clear Channel, Comcast, AT&T- forget politicians because these are the people who make or break policy. Every bill has pork attached to it, but we only become outraged over the pork “they” tell us about.

Think about it; it is almost as if the news “punishes” the politicians when they don't get their way by informing us of what is really going on. As a reward for keeping the dirty secrets, they are receive such gifts as the end of media ownership laws allowing even greater control by the few over the many and a relaxing if not outright killing of the Fairness Doctrine.

Oh, sure, the politicians do strike back from time to time. Remember Janet Jackson's “wardrobe malfunction” as a example of that, but these example are not only few and far between, but also almost exclusively aimed at those on the left. CBS had Dan Rather and was owned by Viacom, the company that also owned Simon and Schuster who were publishing a string of anti-Bush books around the exact same time!

Sorry about that brief political rant. Old habits die hard, but I am not going at the corporate takeover of America from a political perspective. I am more concerned with the end of a local community and the growth “acceptable” entertainment and news. The more control one company has over everything, the more we lose out on. We lose voices and beliefs not deemed acceptable by the major corporation. We lose the freedom to be who we are and, instead, find that success only finds those who conform to the corporation's views of what is right.

Today's children are, for example, spoon fed...no, force fed a steady diet of Barney and other corporate sponsored toy tie-in, easy product placement shows. There is no sign of finding who YOU are in these shows, but rather displaying how a “typical American” child should look like, sound like, and be like. Southern accents are now synonymous with being stupid; a New York accent means lower class or future criminal. Children who do not see people like themselves on television could and possibly will begin to think they are freaks and will try anything to conform to what they think is “normal.” They will also begin to divide themselves into groups that share this belief and those that don't.

Corporations are out to make money first and foremost. They will program based on national studies and cost analysis studies and not based on the local community and what is normal for there. A focus on what the nation need, I feel, makes it harder if not impossible to see what a community needs. There must always be a place for the local voice in the media and that voice is slowly catching laryngitis as the Clear Channels and the Comcasts continue their cost effective transformation of the broadcasting horizon.

Right now, the FCC is looking into relaxing the “one company to rule them all” laws and allow Clear Channel to take even more control of what you see and hear. There is something you can do about it if you feel the need. Contact your Congress people (both houses) and tell them to support the “Media Ownership Act of 2007.” Click HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION ON THIS BILL.

The views expressed here are those of Kanrei and do not necessarily reflect those of the owners, staff, or advertisers of KHWL.

KHWL newstime- 2 minutes after the hour. Now, time for news and weather.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Post # 492 -OR- It's Friday and 8 Posts Until #500

Hello and welcome back. You are listening to KHWL here on the Blogger dial. It is fifty-nine minutes after the hour which means its time for “It’s Friday.”

(insert It’s Friday theme music here)
I don't care if Monday's blue
Tuesday's grey and Wednesday too
Thursday I don't care about you
It's Friday, I'm in love

The requests for Sunday’s Rant are coming in faster than I expected and so far are also much better than I expected. We are looking very seriously at a possible “anti-Clear Channel/ Corporate take over” rant with “Hollywood Justice” and “Immigration” coming in close seconds. I think I could do some real quality work with any of these subjects, although I do have some sympathy for the Juice right now. I really believe he was set up for his current Las Vegas adventure (so much for what happens in Vegas staying there) and I feel a bit bad for the guy.

You see, I live in south Florida which is also where the Juice currently calls home. The man cannot pick his nose without it making news down here, so I am suffering from serious “OJ fatigue”. Just a few years ago, there was a story making its way around down here that the Juice was a major ecstasy dealer for example. He is viewed as getting away with murder and, as a result, society seems to feel any pain inflicted upon him is deserved. They may be right, but I always felt that even an asshole can appear sympathetic once the shit pile starts to form: best to ignore the asshole rather that risk the sympathy.

Hmm, seems like a slight and small OJ rant snuck in right there actually, but never fear: that one does not count. The real rant will be longer and (I hope) entertaining and possibly even funny. I am leaning towards the “Clear Channel” rant to be honest. I hate Clear Channel.

On the Friday front, things are going rather well. While there is not that much work to go around, the work we do have has been covered and the weekend is ready to rock and roll and so am I. Guitar Hero III has stolen my soul and I am counting the minutes until my weekend arrives and my rock star fantasies begin again. The game is beyond fun and, if you ask me, they snuck crack into the game’s code. There is no other explanation for how addicting the game becomes after such a short period of exposure.

Have a great weekend and remember to tune in Sunday night for the rant. Please leave any rant worthy ideas behind for yours truly.

You are listening to KHWL and the time is twenty-two minutes after the hour.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Post # 491 -OR- KHWL On the Air

You are listening to KHWL on the Blogger dial and the time is eighteen minutes after the hour here at the Lemming House. The weather is just wonderfully cool with a slight hint of a breeze blowing from the air vent here in my office and we are just relaxing and being generally cooler than an ice cube wearing a leather jacket while riding a motorcycle one handed. In fact, we are so totally cool and relaxed right now that I think it is time to be brave and actually take a call.

Hello, KHWL, thanks for calling. You are on the air.

Hi, is this KHWL?

Yes and you are on the air. What can I do for you?

Am I on the air?

Yes, this is why I answered the phone with “Hello, KHWL, thanks for calling. You are on the air.”

Cool. So, hi Kanrei. I’m a long time listener, first time caller.

Great. Happy to hear that. What can I do for you?

Yeah, um, I read somewhere that you were having some problems coming up with ideas for your blog.

Yes, that is true. It was yesterday’s show actually that I was commenting on the fact that I am running out of original ideas for this blog. Even this post today is really just a pathetic paraphrasing of an idea someone else had a long time ago.

Yea, they say there are no original ideas left in the world. I read somewhere once that there are really only seven real plots to a story. Every tale ever told is simply a variation on one of those seven original themes.

This is true, but it is also boring; to me and more than likely to my readers, so please, what is your purpose with this call?

Damn, Kanrei can be a bit of a dick sometimes, can’t you?

My mother told me to find something I was good at and to be the best. I chose being a dick, so please, the purpose of this call?

Well, I was just thinking that you could solicit your readers for ideas of things to rant and rave about. Ya know, maybe perform a public service by getting all worked up and bothered over things other people wish they could, but really deeply honestly just don’t care.

Is this really your idea or did you just happen to see this as VE’s comment to my post yesterday?


Despite this caller’s pathetic attempt to pass of someone else’s idea as their own, this is a very good idea actually and I am opening the KHWL lines, clearing all the lines, so you can post suggestions for Kanrei’s Rant. Depending on how well it goes, this could become something regular…well, as regular as a blocked colon.

We hope to premiere a new rant this Sunday night if suggestions create the right spark. Political and pop culture rant ideas are always appreciated, but please feel free to challenge me. I can rant on anything, whether I agree with it or not. I just like to rant; rave not so much.

You are listening to KHWL and the time is forty minutes after the hour.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Post # 490

It has been five days since I last updated my blog and even then I did not really have anything to say. I am officially dried out of ideas. I am returning to school. At 36 years old, I am returning to school in hopes of finding some inspiration there. My blog is stagnating. I need some new ideas and, more importantly, I need people to challenge my ideas.

I am a debater by nature and blogging is mainly a monologue. I love the outlet, but I need some back and forth. I need people to say “you are wrong” and “how can you think that”. I need people to piss me off and offend me to get my mental gears working again. Politics, my old “bread and butter” posting subject, has become redundant and empty.

I no longer see any point in supporting anyone for any office since they all do exactly the same thing once in power regardless of any promises made while trying to attain said power. I see no difference between how people pick a politician to endorse and how they pick a sports franchise to support. I also see the people getting about as much back from their political support as they do their sports franchise support- tee-shirts and bumper stickers: a deepening of an “us versus them” attitude and the rush of being on a winning team even though that victory in no way betters your life. There is no difference between anyone running for the office of President other than what team they are on. Throw a dart at a board to pick your candidate and I guarantee you the results will be the same regardless of the winner.

See, I tried. It didn’t work. I am mentally very happy right now, which is probably also a major problem with my blogging. In addition to being a debater, I am also a complainer. I am great at stringing together long rambling complaints about minor and meaningless subjects that I admit are usually quite entertaining. Right now, I have nothing to complain about. My life is good, I’m happy, I have a good job and some money; I just think I need the trauma of college to spark some rage within me. Returning to school, in the grand scheme of things, is never a bad idea really. I hope to have this blog reborn by post 500.

Friday, November 09, 2007

Ooops, It's Friday Again

My mom read my post yesterday, called me immediately, and said “you don’t want to start smoking again. You don’t want to go through quitting again…actually, your father and I don’t want to go through your quitting again.” Amazing that, at 36, guilt still works. I was a prick while quitting smoking.

I would love to have an American Spirit just one more time, for old time’s sake, but I won’t. Mainly because there is no place that sells “loosies” or single cigarettes around here. I also do not know anyone who smokes them, so I am out of luck on that front and should just put it out of my head. Kind of like Joni Mitchell’s “Help Me” was been removed from my head. I guess G-d did read my post.

Yes, it is Friday once again and I am in a great mood today. I have no idea why I am in such a “sunshine and lollipops” mood, but I am and am not going to question it at all. I am going to be happy I have my techs confirmed for the weekend and that we have a decent amount of patients coming in and let it rest at that. I am even going to go to Best Buy at lunch and see if I can’t reward myself for being in such a good mood. The Twin Peaks boxset did come out this week after all.

Well, well, well….its lunchtime right now. I have an appointment at Best Buy to keep. Have a great weekend to all and to all a great weekend!

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Not the "XTC" Song

Dear G-d,

Why, oh why doeth thou feel the need to fuckith with me so often?

Why, oh why doeth thou seem to delight in the torments and trials that You seem so willing to inflict upon me?

Did I do something to offend Thee whilst I lay in the womb? I know I have been redefining perfection since the moment of my birth, so any offence must have occurred during my prenatal period.

Are You really going to hold me accountable for things done during this phase of my life?

I have quit smoking despite the burdens of addiction You felt I needed. Why you felt I needed to not only love, but REALLY LOVE things bad for me I will never know, but You did so I do. I have not lit a cigarette in longer than I can remember (thank you also for the incredibly short memory span as well), yet everyday I find some new store that my favorite brand is being sold in. Now how exactly is that fair?

I smoked Winstons for years and hated Wintsons for years, but they were the only additive-free brand readily available for me to smoke. You introduced me to the joys of additive-free smoking while I lived in Colorado and found the American Spirit brand cigarette and I fel in love.

How was I to know that American Spirit was not a common brand yet?

How was I to know that I would be moving to South Florida, a place where asking “Do you have American Spirit” is viewed more as a residency question instead of a brand selection? For some reason, immigrants really take that question personally. I received more than one “fuck you Gringo” look from cashiers, I can tell you.

So now I kicked the habit and I don’t smoke any longer, but can You guess what brand I now see in every single gas station and convenience store in town? That’s right, dear L-rd, it is American Spirits.

Are you applying for the “Monkeywrench in the Gears of Life Award?” Seven years of not finding them leads to not looking and they are everywhere. Do you really think facing temptation is the only way to overcome it? I was doing fine until now. Out of sight, out of mind worked perfectly, but now You screwed it all up.

I am asking for one simple thing right now- remove them from just one store I frequent please. I know I am strong, but I ain’t Job strong. Besides, testing your followers is the sign of a weak and insecure deity. Show me you don’t need or even want me to follow you and I will follow you anywhere.

Love always,

PS- Could you at least get Joni Mitchells' "Help Me" out of my head? It is enough to make me need a smoke.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Time for Today's Pointless Ramble

Oh, how I wish I could update my blog today. I have so much to tell you. I have tons and tons of stories just waiting to be shared with you, if only I could update my blog, but I can’t. I am not allowed. You see, there is a writer’s strike going on right now, or is that “write now” and, as someone who thinks of themselves as a writer, I cannot update until the fight is resolved.

No, I am not a member of the Writer’s Guild of America or whatever the group is called or anything like that. No, I have never sold a screenplay for either television or film, nor have I actually ever even completed one, but I might one day and I don’t want to piss the union off. They might forbid me membership because I wrote something (entertaining?) while they were on strike.

I could be seen right now (or is that write now) as actually being a scab at this very moment. These words could be turned into a plot by some eager and hungry young executive longing for a new project and then POOF!, just like that, I am a union-buster. It’s not like they have never made anything dumber. I have seen The English Patient and Nothing But Trouble so I know they have. Be ready for it because coming this summer, Lemming House: the Movie!

Shortly before its release however, a barrage of nasty and slanderous articles will slowly start to find their way into Variety and other trade-rags about yours truly. They will be talking about backroom deals that were made between Kanrei and various cigar smoking members of a Jewish Media Conspiracy. There will be reports of how Kanrei single-handedly persuaded the producers to hold out on the writers until he was able to secure a deal for himself. He was also working with the writers, stoking their collective rage in hopes of pushing them to strike just to open the very hole he is now exploiting. Don’t believe the hype. I like TV. I like movies.

I am not involved in Lemming House: the Movie! in any way, shape, or form. Well, I am directing it, but that is it. Just directing and producing it. Oh, and writing, editing, and starring in it, but that is all. I will also be playing my own romantic interest as well as my rival for said romantic interest’s interest, but nothing more, I promise after: I write my review of Lemming House: the Movie!

I guess what I am trying to say is this: keep striking until I finish my script. I support your cause 100%, but my selfish nature is keeping me busy writing at home right now…or is it “write now?”

One final thought- shouldn't the striking writers be marching with blank signs. I think writing a message on their protest signs defeats the purpose of being on a writer's strike.

Humor aside (or just an empty attempt at humor), I do support the writers 100% in their cause and will happily watch DVDs until they get their demands met. These are not mostly rich people striking for more money; these are mostly the middle class looking to own a bit more of what they create.

Sunday, November 04, 2007

A Big Gap (in Memory and my Gum)

Friday, I awoke before my alarm as usual, except my alarm was set thirty minutes earlier than normal. My mother was coming to pick me up for my surgery at 9:45 and I had to be awake and ready to go by then. I don't think my internal alarm gets the credit for this one though; my nerves were pretty much constantly waking me up every hour on the hour all night. It was just random chance that I happened to wake up one minute before the alarm rang out to greet another brand new day.

Aside from the toothpaste, I had not had anything to eat since 11:30 the night before. This basically meant that, although my nerves were desperately trying to throw something up, there was nothing in my stomach for them to throw. This did not stop my mouth from preparing itself for the non-vomit to not come; nor did it stop my throat from trying to work up what was not coming. It was a rather uncomfortable feeling that was only relieved by my mother having the Grateful Dead station on her radio and a very good “Wharf Rat” playing when she arrived at my house.

In my sleepy state it was easy to lose myself in the music. I also found myself suddenly remembering that the “thingie” I was going to have removed had disappeared. There was, in my mind, now a better than decent chance that no surgery would be needed. This, with the previously mentioned “Wharf Rat” still playing, had completely put my sleepy head at ease. I was going to have a three day weekend without the bother of pain.

Upon arriving at the doctor's office, I happily bounced like a Tigger into the doctor's office and said “Hi, I'm Brad and I'm here to have an operation on something I think has gone away.” I was all smiles.

Maybe my mother said that come to think of it...I was still basically asleep, but, either way, the idea that we may not need to operate was conveyed by one of us and we were rather quickly ushered into the room I had my initial exam in two months ago.

“The doctor will be in to see you in a moment” a pleasant nurse said as she closed the door behind her.

The doctor was soon in the room with my mother and me, too soon if you ask me, and was just as quickly looking in my mouth and happily saying “no, I still see plenty there for me to get at.”

Swing and a miss. Heart slowly speeding up. Sweat glands clocking in to work.

I was escorted by a new nurse into a new room and I found myself mentally in some Hostel/Disney hybrid. The room was bright, but there, in the center of this room was the chair from the films; the torture chair that innocent people have squirmed and suffered in. And next to it, the small table of shiny sharp objects used to cause said squirming and suffering. The nurse was even dressed in the same garments as the torturers in Hostel as well; only instead of black leather surgical garbs, she had happy teddy bears and and smiling flowers. It was all still very creepy and surreal, or I need to watch a lot less horror movies.

The nurse soon places a thermometer to take my temperature before the surgery begins and I see this as my last chance to stop the operation from happening. If I can raise my body temperature then they can't operate on me until I feel better. My nose had been stuffy all week, so it is possible that my nausea was actually due to an actual illness instead of my wimp-factor when it comes to potential pain. There was still hope!

I thought of every kitchen I ever worked in. I thought of physical education classes in the middle of the hot Florida afternoons I suffered through in my youth. I thought of steam engines, fever, disease, deserts, the sun. I imagined myself a marshmallow slowly becoming engulfed by the open flame it sits above. Any and everything that was hot, I imagined to absolutely no gain what so ever. My temperature was normal and the surgery was going forward as planned yet again.

Swing and a miss. No point in resisting any longer. Eyes closed and mind wandering far, far away. Needle just felt in left arm...

The next thing I know, I am waking up at my parent's house, in the guest bedroom. I am in a bathrobe and shorts and under the sheets of the bed. In the background, I hear Brian Williams and NBC Evening News. Next to my head is a tiny heart-shaped bloodstain on what I think is an expensive pillow; the label had a first and last name. It was really kind of cool though to be honest.

I have a small hole in my gum that goes all the way through. My cheek gets sucked in a bit when I swallow for now until I relearn a new way. To imagine what it feels like, remember losing a tooth as a child and that is the almost the same feeling, except I have not lost any teeth; knock on wood.

I never used any of the pain killers I was prescribed either. Damn doctor did all this great work in such an amazing way that I feel no pain at all. I can't find a good excuse to take them. Curses!

Thursday, November 01, 2007

It's Friday....NO! It's Thursday and It's The "No Update" Update

Although this is the official “No Update”, this is not a negative posting I promise. It is only called the “No Update” because I am going to tell you that I had NO Trick-or-Treaters last night and to explain why there will be NO Friday update tomorrow. I also kNOw you are dying to kNOw.

First- I had NO freeloaders in disguise a-knock-knock-knocking on my door last night. It was Halloween, wasn’t it? Do kids today still “do” Halloween or have the religious extremists done away with one of the last few fun holidays we have left?

Think about it, Christmastime isn’t fun any more ever since certain people took saying “Happy Holidays” as a personal affront to their chosen faith as if only one faith celebrates during the winter. Last time I checked pretty much everyone has some major holiday that comes around in December so "Happy Holidays" seems much more accurate, inclusive to me, but what do I know? I am one of those imperfect Jews after all. Just ask Ann Coulter about that =D.

Secondly, there will be NO “It’s Friday” this week sadly unless this counts. It is Friday for Scary Monster so maybe it does. I am having some oral surgery on Friday morning and I really don’t foresee myself being up for blogging in the post-op. Never fear or worry (I am doing enough for us all) because this is a simple and small operation to remove some excess gum tissue I have.

I have had this procedure before and probably will many more times in my life so there really is no need to worry. It has already been tested for cancer; it is just the way my gums grow and I could choose to do nothing if I don’t mind losing some teeth one day. I like my teeth. Chewing is a great.

Thirdly, you have NO reason to worry about me at all. I am thinking much more clearly now that the full moon has gone away.

I can’t believe how many people still don’t believe in the connection between the full moon and our moods. We are 70% water after all and the moon does have an effect on tides so it is rather shortsighted and illogical to not believe that we are not also affected by the full moon. Of course, people still think of humans and animals as different creatures and they talk about alcohol, tobacco, and drugs as if those are different things so I really should not be that surprised. The human being’s ability for hypocrisy knows no bounds it seems.

Happy weekend early and I will try to update on Saturday or Sunday just in case you worried even though I said you shouldn’t. Lemmings never listen.