Did I Ever Tell You About Pain?

Last week I was both told by others and myself that last week was my last normal week for a long, long time to come.   Even with the constant barrage of testing and human errors that contributed to until then unknown levels of frustration, I was still home at the of every day and felt like me.   Those days are gone.  Hello "Cancer Pain."

"You may think you know pain" he said in a cocky war weary veteran posture who thinks he has experienced it all, "but you don't shit until you feel cancer pain."

Where last week was testing, this week is experimentation.   Percoset,  Vikoden, something that starts with an F that is a patch, medical tylenol, prescription ibuprofen, and now morphine.   20's Brad would love this, but 42 Cancerman is not having a good time.   I am not getting any pain relief to speak of and am not getting any intoxication either out of the deal; just side-effects and plenty of them all week.

Ever have constipated diarrhea?   I have.  Never knew that was an option.  Explosive diarrhea too.   Some nights I would be the best WMD ever made.  Just hook me up and fly me over Syria and the sheer grossness of what I bring would force them to talk it out.

Ever see a limb move on its own in weird contortions?   I have.   Very funky to be sitting there and suddenly your right hand is making strange LA street gang signs.   Toes like to curl in as if in orgasm, only without the fun of the orgasm.

Ever have a pain so deep, you rub yourself until your hand produces wounds and the spot of the pain looks as if you had been punched repeatedly, only you never got close to any relief of said pain?  I have.   Bastard pain relocates faster than an Al Qaeda terrorist cell on the run.    Quick attack at lower back, then a full retreat to the right buttocks for a larger attack only to appear at the left shoulder blade with some new toy of muscular destruction ready to deploy.

Then there is the nervousness, cramps, lack of appetite,(I lost 36 pounds in 6 weeks, ask me how), nausea, sleeplessness, numbness, etc, but I don't want to bore you with the details.

Ironic part is that most the above are just the side effects from medication being used to treat pain.   Now that is Ironic.   Somedays I think I would just rather the pain, but then the pain sets in and I would honestly do anything to get rid of it.

And let's remember the bright side: I got a free massage today and will every Wednesday for the next year and have a medicine cabinet that is the envy of every Frat house in America.

I don't know how people go through this alone.  I couldn't do it without my amazing support system.   I can't thank everyone enough.