Wednesday, September 24, 2008

The (Lack of) Drugs in Sports Problem

So if you use a performance enhancing drug they take your medal away, but do they give you an extra medal if you use a performance deteriorating one? I know that steroids can make an athlete better, faster, stronger, but what if someone took let’s say ten hits of acid before doing their floor routine? There is no person on the face of this planet that would argue a person tripping their brains out on ten hits would do better than a person not tripping. In fact, I would say the person on ten hits has very little chance of even finishing their routine let alone winning any medals for it so, if they actually manage to out score everyone else AND they are tripping their minds away, they should get like a platinum medal. We are so quick to punish people and so slow to reward people.

I would argue that any person able to perform an Olympic feat on any sort of hallucinogen, or say a marathon runner coming in first on Quaaludes, or a golfer winning Augusta on speed should be viewed as an exceptional human being of not only incredible physical skill, but obviously are master of their minds as well and we should call them “G-ds.” I call for an end of drug testing in sports unless we are talking quantity and quality. We know anyone can catch a ball; that isn’t impressive, but do it so fucked up on coke that you can’t tell hash marks from blow lines and now you are talking skill! Give me a receiver that is trying to catch the sun during a pop fly and accidentally catching the ball over a sober out fielder any day of the week. Trust me: driving is much more challenging drunk than sober and those that make it home after 20 beers are teh drivers of true skill. These are the people I want to see in NASCAR, but only after those 20 beers.

Who’s with me?

1 comment:

Serena said...

I'm beginning to think that everyone in charge of anything is on drugs. Which leads me to wonder if I shouldn't just turn on, tune in, and drop out.:)