To the Tune of "You're So Vain"

You walked into the Godfathers
Like it was Tuesday Night, Ladies Drink Free
Your hand strategically cupping both your balls
Yes, you were feeling quite frisky

You had one eye on her rear end
As you said something she couldn't refuse
And you keep thinking she would be flattered
She would be flattered

Herman Cain
I bet you thought this race was about you
Herman Cain
(Cain)
I bet you thought this race was about you
Don't you
Don't you

Yeah, you came up high in the last poll
With a target firmly on your back
And Karl Rove said "this won't do"
And he went on the attack

You screwed up many years ago
And Karl found your mistake
Now every reporter is hoping to bust you
Hoping to bust you

Herman Cain
I bet you thought this race was about you
Herman Cain
(Cain)
I bet you thought this race was about you
Don't you

Special Message About My Parodies

I write quite a few, but I feel I should explain why and how. They do not reflect my personal politics ever and knowing the why and how should help you understanding them.

I have been a member of a political blog for about 9 years now and we debate any and everything. Quite often, a member will say something and the way they phrase it makes me think of a song and, as any of you know, I am subject to being tormented by Earworms. My choices at that point are to either suffer or to try and turn it against itself.

Writing parodies is something I have done for years. Anyone who ever got stuck with me in a busy pizza kitchen on a Saturday night knows I love writing parodies. Hell, I even remember my sister and I writing a parody of Footloose called "Quaaludes" and I include that example to show how my parodies come from various characters' points of view and do not reflect my own. Neither my sister nor I did drugs when we wrote that song; I was in 7th grade and she in 9th.

So basically, what I am saying is that the songs I post here do not reflect my own personal view points but rather are all based on a vast assortment of online personalities I have experienced in my tenure as a blogger.

I hope that clears some things up.

Some OWS parodies

To the tune of the Theme from the Monkees

Here we come
The 99%
We should be looking for a job
So we can pay our rent

Hey, hey
We're protesting
Gives us something to do
Gives me an excuse
So I can blame my problems on you

We're just trying for handouts
Pissed my lotto numbers didn't win
Then I would be real rich
And the 1% would let me join in


AND

Mine eyes have seen the ever shifting reasons for the protest
The justifications shifting like a tumbleweed in the Old West
The hatred of the 1 without defining the 99 percent
Their protest rages on

In their anger logic and reason it seems they did abort
They protest the very people who Obama just did court
They refuse to define their reasons because it will lessen their support
Their madness rages on

Camera, camera
Take my picture
Media, media
Show me on the TV
Internet, internet
Show my neat sign
This bullshit rages on

And one pro to the tune of 50 Ways to Leave your Lover.

It seemed lately I could not find a job
I had become an unkempt unemployed and unmotivated slob
Until one day
When I saw on the TV
About 50,000 like me

It then struck me that I must get involved
Even though I did not believe this is a problem that could be solved
I went do DC
And wouldn't you believe
Obama was calling out to me


Can't think of a chorus though.

Not A Parody This Time

The Republicans are crazy and evil and the Democrats are emotional and stupid and neither seems to work very well. I keep hoping that we will wake up to the realization that we don't have two parties; we have the left and right side of a single party with a stranglehold on the system. The American people were supposed to be the ones steering this ship we call America and now pawns to be brought out every two years for this masturbation we call elections. Our system is rigged and the ones we count on to change it are the same ones who profit from the corrupt system; it is like putting convicts on their own parole board.

I look at the Tea Party and the Occupy movement and I keep seeing how similar their complaints are and how they view the same problems and am amazed they are fighting one another rather than working together. It is as if the system has invented a new way to divide us even more.

Think of it like this: insanity is defined as doing the same thing and expecting different results. For over 100 years we have looked to the Republicans to clean up Democrat messes and then to the Democrats to fix the Republican messes and we wonder why things never get any better. The answer is simple actually: there is always another election in two years and there is always a need for a good wedge issue. That is why there is still the gay marriage and abortion debates regardless of both parties holding all the branches of government at various times.

Pardon my rant, but these are thoughts I have been holding in lately and are just growing within me. This is not some manifesto or anything, so don't go worrying about that. I know you are thinking “well, what would you do,” so I am actually going to give some ideas:

1.Sell bonds with a greater return rate than anything else on the market to encourage reinvestment in America. I listen to old radio programs a lot and I hear ads for war bonds all the time where they say “get back $5 for every $4 you invest.” That is a 20% return. Who wouldn't take a guaranteed return like that in this economy?

2.End the wars and that includes our drone strikes in various countries. When Obama took office, we were involved in 2 countries; today we are involved in 6. Even with Iraq ending at the end of this year, we are still in more conflicts today than when Obama took office. That strikes me as furthering the PNAC agenda.

3.Use the money saved from ending the occupations to rebuild the nation's infrastructure. To help with employing the returning troops, offer them incentive programs to join a “Peace Corps” like group for domestic repair.

4.End the Electoral College. There was a time for it, but that time has passed. The internet, television, and radio makes the issue of candidates not getting to every state irrelevant. Everyone can hear and see all the candidates. Also, states with a greater percent of the population should have a greater percent of the vote. What the Electoral College does is not so much as give smaller states and equal voice as it gives people who live in bigger states a smaller voice.

5.End Corporate and Union donations to national races. The people who are members of both already have rights as individuals and giving rights to Corporations or Unions gives a second set of rights to the board of directors of those organizations and that is not fair as they control bottomless pockets.

OK, the whole “numbered list” thing doesn't help my “this is not a manifesto” argument, but it I swear it isnt. I am just someone who spends a lot of time debating politics online and is trying to figure out a solution that will actually work.

To the Tune of "Time Warp"

I am now including a link to the news story that inspired the parody since I think most themes are lost without the proper context. Today's is based on this story:

NEW YORK (AP) — Catholic and Jewish groups are condemning actress Susan Sarandon for referring to Pope Benedict XVI as a Nazi.

So join in with me everyone:

It's depressing
As her celebrity's fleeting
Madness
Makes her put on a show

And her relevence
Won't last very much longer
If it was ever there
At all

I remember
Susan Sarandon
Steaming
Up the screen
In Rocky Horror
And especially in Bull Durham

Please Return to Acting Again
Please Return to Acting Again

You moved too far to the Left
And lost your fame overnight
You put your hand on your hip
And waved your finger at the Right
But your bleeding heart
Made you go insane

Please Return to Acting Again
Please Return to Acting Again

To the Tune of "Fire and Rain"

Just yesterday morning you erupted in flames
Susanne, that perfume you used is highly flammable
So I took out a cigarette and I lit it off you
The flames so bright I couldn't think of anything else to do


Oh, the teacher's on fire and in pain
Somebody put her out or it may spread
She's burning from her toes up to her head
Why didn't we just throw her out into the rain?

Won't you do something for her, Jesus
Before she burns away
Maybe turn on a fire extinguisher
Her body's burning and parts are flying away
And I've yet to turn my homework into her

Oh, the teacher's on fire and in pain
Somebody put her out or it may spread
She's burning from her toes up to her head
Why didn't we just throw her out into the rain?

Cheap Shot Mr Drudge

Did you think you were being slick? The intent is crystal clear by your positioning of the similar photos of Obama, Pelosi, and Iran's leader whose name I will never type out.




Come on man, that is a pretty cheap shot...even for you.

To the tune of Send in the Clowns

Isn't it sad?
Doesn't anybody care?
Though we have no troops on the ground,
We're still killing from the air.
Send in the drone.


Isn't it cheap?
Don't you approve?
We're nation-building still
And don't need Congress to approve
So send in the drones
Or I'll have to spread fear

To the Tune of "Grandma Got Ran Over by a Reindeer"

Grandma got flattened by a sky dive
Jumping out of a plane Christmas eve
You can say she her last words were "Geronimo!"
But as for me and Grandpa, we just grieve.


She was watching Patrick Swayze
And Keanu in Point Break
And during the sky diving sequence
A very bad decision did she make


She called for an appointment
And she took the proper class
But she had a senior moment
Jumped out, forgot her name
And lost her ass


Grandma got flattened by a sky dive
Jumping out of a plane Christmas eve
You can say she her last words were "Geronimo!"
But as for me and Grandpa, we just grieve.

Steve Jobs...

It just dawned on me that we didn't just lose Steve Jobs the other day; we lost the last great American pioneer. He was our last Edison, Einstein. We lost someone who not only saw how the world could/should be, but someone with the drive and ability to actually shape the world and someone who cared enough about the world to not use this drive and ability for nefarious or self-serving purposes. Yes, he did grow rich on the back of his innovations, but he did more good than 99.9% of those with even half his means.

I was never an Apple fan, but I was a Steve Jobs fan and I mourn not only the loss of him, but of the future's loss of what he had planned for it.

To the Tune of "I Want a New Drug" by Huey Lewis and the News

I need a new phone
Blackberry or a Droid
One that won't drop my calls
And make me feel annoyed

I need a new phone
An Iphone sounds fine
I just wanna have a keyboard
For when I surf online

(With) A plan that is affordable
One that will always let me get through
One that lets me sext like I sext when I'm without you
When I'm alone and blue