Friday, August 05, 2016

A Personal Update

My ostomy is me.  I never thought I could say those words, but there you go: my ostomy is me.   I have accepted it.  I no longer am ashamed of it.  I am no longer embarrassed by it.  It no longer diminishes my value as a person.  It no longer takes away the purpose of living.   It is not an obstacle to my happiness any longer.   Wow...what a difference a year makes.

Yesterday, at work, one of my co-worker's children was in the office and we were talking when my chair squeaked.  He laughed and said "ew, you farted!"  

"Wasn't me"

"Yes it was.   You farted!"

"Wasn't me.  I can't fart.   I don't fart."

"Everyone farts."

"I don't."

"You have to fart; you go poo."

I smiled.   "No, I don't."

I showed him my bag and told him I was sick and said the bag was treating me.   I wasn't sad, embarrassed, or bothered so neither was he.  He simply said "oh" and walked off to watch cartoons.  That was when I realized I was totally OK with my bag.

I had forgotten about it for hours on end before.   At Captiva, I went shirtless on the beach with an ace bandage covering it and simply told my niece I had a "boo-boo" when she asked about it.   I am totally comfortable in the medical supply stores when I need extra bags unlike I was when I had to buy diapers.    I suppose I've been OK with my bag for quite some time, but never thought about it or realized it until I was able to show it to a seven year old and explain it in terms he could understand.   Weird.

Where was the firework show at my moment of Zen about the bag?   No choir of angels singing or a heavenly spotlight beaming upon me.   Where was that Broadway production number where random strangers break into synchronized dancing around me as I walk triumphantly down main street?   Not even a slow-motion stroll or a freeze-frame as I jump in the air Mentos commercial style.   I was gypped....

Writing the word "gypped" for the first time in my life has exposed me to the anti-Gypsy roots the word obviously came from.    Just a tangent.  I apologize to any Gypsies reading this.

Funny how life's biggest moments go by without so much as a peep and it isn't until days, weeks, or even months later that you realize something major has changed.    Life does go on while you are making other plans.


joanie78 said...

I am thrilled for you. Congratulations
Now may you have peace
I love you said...

Weird-good; getting gypped never felt so good! Peace to you and your family.