Monday, February 22, 2016

OK...I Admit It; I'm Scared.

I'm not nervous.  I'm not concerned.  I'm not worried.  I am officially scared: hand shaking, nervous gut, obsessive thought scared.  I wish I could say I don't know what to expect, but sadly I do and that is what is scaring me.   I lost you, didn't I?  Let me back up a bit.

February 24th, at 7:30 AM I am having my first colonoscopy through my stoma, but that isn' t what is scaring me.   While it is true every other colonoscopy I have had has ended in rather bad news (cancer, cancer again, have to lose most of your rectum, have to lose half your colon, etc), this time I fear the prep.  

Have you had a colonoscopy before?  

Done the prep?  Me too.  It sucks with a rectum, but this time I am filling a bag and won't know when I am going until the bag is full.  

How often will this happen?

For how long?  

Should I just stand in the shower or should I try to keep up with emptying the bag?  

What if it goes while I am between bags?

Will it shoot out like a water gun or dribble like a stroke victim?  

All of this is running through my mind as well as some other gross questions I won't post here, but as you can see I don't have time to worry about the results yet.   I will worry about that starting Wednesday and will worry and worry until I hear otherwise.   My PETScan came out clean, but who knows?


1 comment:

joanie78 said...

I left you a message, yet it is not here