Monday, February 23, 2009

Stanley Schwartzenburg, Attorney to the Slashers


To read the full list of atrocities would almost be an atrocity on its own; a fact he took pride in. It was the culmination of the last few years' work and the looks on the juror's faces as the details of that life and that work were revealed made it all momentarily worth it. It isn't easy to do something like that and honestly shock people anymore. Hollywood has become so fierce competition to the honest to G-d monsters out there like him that they really have to do their homework and come up with something unique and original: something to scare the kids around a campfire over the summer. In the old days, a butcher's knife and Shatner mask was enough to make your average teen piss her pants and cling to her man for safety, but not anymore.

“...And that is the aspect no one really understood,” his lawyer lamented to the jury, “that his poor man was aiding in the sexual exploits of hundreds of hormonal teenagers everywhere. He wasn't killing for himself: no! He was killing to scare those girls right into the arms and therefore the beds of teenage boys...”

The lawyer was interrupted as his client whispered in his ear. Then he continued, “...or other teenage girls as the case maybe."

A lawyer for horror movie quality serial killers such as the above. What do you think?


Anonymous said...

I recently came accross your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I dont know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.


Kanrei said...

I am so hard up for comments right now I will even accept spam with a smile on my face.

Serena said...

Babe, lawyers everywhere will be wetting their pants when they read about your novel new defense strategy. Brilliant!:-)

Mama said said...

I told you it sounded like the beginning of a novel...go for it