Tuesday, February 24, 2009

More of Yesterday's Idea

Stanley Schwartzenburg is the defense attorney to the horror movie slashers. A body count of at least 15 is required in addition to the fact that a unique mask must be worn at the time of the killings and a different method of killing must be used for each victim. Stanley Schwartzenburg will represent slashers, spree killers, mass murderers, homicidal maniacs, and vengeful retarded or inbred man-children, but will not represent serial killers. It is not for any real reason other than Stanley Schwartzenburg felt he must draw a line somewhere and most serial killers, in reality, are rather boring and obsessive people.

Stanley Schwartzenburg doesn't charge his clients, but he does retain movie rights; that's where the money is. It also explains his real motives behind the "no serial killers" stance. Serial killers rarely wear unique masks and, without the mask, you can only really get one, maybe two movies out of a subject, but with a mask and a little marketing, a good killer can get four or five movies based on his work. The real honor in the business is to get Jason or Freddie sequel numbers, but you kind of have to die and come back from the dead for those deals and Stanley Schwartzenburg is scared of zombies. No serial killers and no zombies!

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