Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Post 667

My cat is an idiot, a retard at best. I know it is wrong for a parent to speak of their child in such terms, but truth is truth and Satchel, my oldest, is a complete at total moron. She is lucky she is so cute or she might starve: get thrown out at the very least. See, I have accepted that she hates litter boxes. It is not the litter she hates, but rather the box itself. I know this because she constantly kicks litter out of the box to use on the floor. I have accepted that as one of her quirks. I have accepted that she will grab one of my socks from time to time and place it in her water dish to force me to change her water after she drinks it once. A pain in the ass, but it is her way and I accept it, but last night she crossed a line and I really now think she is retarded rather than cute and quirky: she set her tail on fire…and didn’t realize it.

I use candles in my house for a few reasons: I like the scent and it helps keep the lighting bill down. You can already see where this is going I bet. I had a candle burning on my coffee table and Satchel leapt up on the table for some affection, wagging her tail over the open flame. It took no time at all for me to smell the wonderful odor of enflamed hair and notice a rather large light coming from my cat’s ass. She, on the other hand, was still purring and seeking affection, unaware of the giant ember that her tail once was.

Needless to say I put out the flame and there was no damage to my really furry kitty, but I am now officially scared for her. What other stupid things does she do that I am not there to catch and save her from? She is still alive, so she has been lucky so far, but luck only lasts so long.


Your Mother said...

Okay, I laughed until i Cried...poor Satchel

VE said...

Ha! Just spray her with that fire retardent stuff from time to time. Everything should be fine then. I wouldn't leave the barbeque up though...

Hey, your at 667 and I'm at 651 now. I wondered when that time would come that we are on the same post.