Saturday, November 22, 2008

Rats! Curses!

My neighbors tried to tell me that I had rats in my backyard; I say “tried” because they cannot speak English. They tried weeks ago to tell me, through their twelve year old son, that a palm tree I have in my backyard that is artistically overgrown has become a haven for rats, a “rat's nest” if you will. Doubtful, I went into my backyard weeks ago with a broom in hand and smacked the living hell out of the overgrown palm tree. I lifted virtually each and every frond to see if any vermin were hiding in the mass, but not a single rat was seen, so I forgot all about it.

Once again today my neighbors, via their twelve year old son, told me that the tree was a rat's nest and I needed to do something about it. I borrowed a limb cutter from my parents and proceeded to destroy my artistically overgrown palm tree to the tune of a massive mountain of dead fronds all about my backyard, yet not a single rat to be seen in all my cutting, shaking, and pulling. Aside from the logical thought that my cats who spend hours on end in that backyard would have brought me a rat by now if any were there, all that cutting, shaking, and pulling certainly would have disturbed even a deaf rat enough into making some sound, but nothing. I officially became annoyed and let my cats out for their daily run through the neighborhood.

After an hour or two I go outside to watch my cats act like cats and low and behold do I see a grey mouse/rat sitting right by my newly destroyed formerly artistically overgrown palm tree on the white cement wall facing east while Oreo, my black and white seven year old cat sat on the very same white cement wall a mere inches from the mouse/rat, facing west. I stood there in disbelief as Oreo looked to his left and to his right; looked up and down; even looked behind him, yet never saw the rat. The blame does not go entirely to Oreo however since the rat looked in all the same directions and never once saw Oreo. It explained to me two things: 1) there were rats in my backyard and 2) my cats are useless as cats.

I am not one to leave a problem alone once it has made itself known, so I had to discover where exactly these rats were coming from. I live near a canal, so that is certainly the original source, but since my neighbors had been complaining for months, the rats obviously had set up a nest somewhere in the immediate area. I began to check every inch of my backyard, but aside from lots of spiderwebs, a phobia unto itself for me, I did not find anything, so I decided to check the other side of the wall, not on my property and you will never guess what I found! That's right; a hole. There is a hole in the white cement wall just large enough for a rat to fit through and deep enough for me to stick a stick and rock in. The ironic part: it is on my neighbor's side. I informed the president of the home owner's association of the problem and even showed him the hole that I filled with rat poison and he told me all will be taken care of.

I am upset about a few things with this story.

1. My neighbors blamed me immediately without doing any research.

2. They were so convinced they were right that they let the problem go without looking into other sources for months.

3. My neighbors kept using their twelve year old son to tell me which kept me from cursing at them.

4. My cats are useless when it comes to rats.


VE said...

You list of concerns sounds a lot like politics. It's full of rats too!

Serena said...

You're being awfully rational for someone who discovered rats in his back yard. I'd have totally freaked. I'd probably be getting the cats some more industrious roommates, too.:)

VE said...

Kan, where are you? I NEED your help...stop by!