Resident Evil: Afterlife 3D

I have just returned from seeing Resident Evil: Afterlife and I am torn on it. To present the various perspectives on this movie, I present my Internal Monologue between Left Brain and Right.

L: That was the best 3D I have ever seen.

R: True, but 3D what?

L: The scenes in falling water were simply breath taking.

R: Yeah, but what exactly was the point of the movie? I realize the Umbrella Corporation are the villains, but to what end?

L: Does that matter? The 3D was incredible.

R: Yes, OK, we get it: the 3D was amazing. I will agree with me on that point. I will even add there are a few moments where I felt the drops of the camera.

L: The smoke was really cool too.

R: Yes, the smoke was really cool too. So was all the slow motion in the fighting.

L: You could really see the details of the 3d, right? Like the bullets flying towards you and such?

R: Yes, but there was so much slow motion that I feel the actual movie was simply 50 minutes long with half slowed down just to help it stretch to 100. Hell, there was one part where the entire thing just stopped!

L: SHHH! No spoilers!

R: That isn't a "spoiler." Look, it was a lot of fun and, if you are going to see it, see it on a big screen for certain, but don't look for any story.

L: You...erm, I haven't seen any of the other ones.

R:True, but this was Matrix in 3D more than it was a Zombie movie of any description. Faceless cops in black; a guy in shades and a black trench coat; room full of weapons; fight in a white room- I thought of Matrix more than I thought of "Zombie Flick."

L: Yeah...it was HEAVILY inspired by Matrix and there will be little to no point in seeing this movie in 2D as there is no story to speak of.

R: Exactly! I starts in the middle of a battle and ends in the middle of a battle. If you want to make a TV series, then put the damn thing on TV!

L: Would you recommend this then?

R: For cool eye candy? Yes. As a narrative? No.

L: Pity there was no "3D Naked Underwater Ballet" this time.

R: On that we agree.