Monday, May 31, 2010

Cat Training

I have come to realize I will be an excellent husband due to the simple fact that I have lived with cats and only cats for the last 10 years. They have trained me and conditioned me to the point where I believe a wife will not be that big a change in my life. This realization is mainly thanks to the bagboy at Publix who, as he noticed my 20 pound box of litter, my shit ton of cans of wet food, and bag of dry, asked me how many cats I had and I sadly realized the answer was “none, but I live with two cats who at odds over me.” I think it was because I was buying myself cheap meat and the cat's food was Filet Mignon flavored. Anyway, I came to realize my time with cats has trained me to be the perfect husband.

1. I have already accepted that the house I bought for us to live in is 100% theirs and they allow me space.

2. Not giving them attention when they want it and giving them attention when they don't both ends the same way: my bloodshed.

3. Time spent watching movies or playing games is when they will seek my attention the most and go to the most extreme lengths to get it as a first option.

4. When they know they have pissed me off, they know it only takes one look to make me feel guilty for being pissed.

5. They go out of their way to piss me off.

6. No toy I buy, no matter how much they love it at first, will keep them happy longer than a day.

7. They are happiest when pampered, which gives my life peace, so pamper them.

8. Hell Knows No Furry...

9. You are not going to understand anything they say....ever.

10.You really get addicted to doing these things.

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