Friday: Two Clean and a Dirty

For today’s “It’s Friday,” we are going to send you into the weekend with a smile on your face.

Rodney Dangerfield: My old neighborhood was tough. I once asked a cop how long it took to walk to the subway station and he said he didn’t know; no one’s made it yet.

Mitch Fatel: Sometimes, when I am having a muffin, I think “my G-d, this is better than sex” and sometimes, when I am having sex, I think “my G-d, this is really expensive; I should have bought a muffin instead.”

The first joke I heard upon moving to North Carolina: A man wants his wife to go duck hunting with him because they had lived together for twenty years, he loved to duck hunt, and she had yet to go with him even once. He decided it was time to force the issue with an ultimatum and took this decision to her.

“Honey,” he said, “I want you to go duck hunting with me. I know you always say no, but this time I am going to give you three options to choose from: you can go duck hunting; you can give me a blow job; or I am going to go up your butt. It is your choice. I am going to check on the dogs and when I come back I want an answer.”

She began a slight panic. She really did not like any of her options.

Fifteen minutes later, the husband came back into the house and said “well, what’s it gonna be?”

His wife responded with “well, I ain’t gonna go kill nothin’ and you sure as shit ain’t putting nothin’ up my ass, so I guess I’ll suck your…”

Gratified, the man said “OK then” and dropped his pants. His wife moved into position, but jerked her head back at the last minute with a disgusted look on her face. “Honey,” she said, “your dick smells like shit.”

“Yea,” he answered looking down, “one of the dogs didn’t want to go either.”

Happy weekend and enjoy the mental picture.