Yo Ho Yo Ho! A Lack of Life for Me!

I have a new addiction. It did not take me all that long to get a new one or to get over my old one come to think of it. Company of Heroes is a fun game and all, but I have learned just how badly I really suck at games that involve war strategy. I just cannot think in terms of the ambush and how to maximize casualties on the other side. I have always preferred the types of game that my having fun does not involve someone else losing. What can I say, I'm liberal.

That is the main problem with games like Company of Heroes: you spend on average 90 minutes on a single game and those games are only fun if you are winning. If you are on the losing side you have ninety minutes of pain and loss ahead of you. Not exactly the most fun way to spend an evening to be honest. I do not mind losing, but those games quickly break down to my doing nothing more than supplying things for the other person to kill. I bought the game so I could be the one doing the killing and at 35 do not handle being out flanked by a 15 year old very well. It is embarrassing to say the least and frustrating beyond belief.

There is also the added fact that most games today are just too damn complicated. Pong used a knob that allowed you to move left and right: that was it and it changed the world. Atari had a joystick which added more directions and a single button, but it was still fairly basic. Defender was the most complicated game of the day with its four buttons and joystick. Four buttons! I barely have enough fingers for that and a joystick!

Today’s games have two joysticks and on average of twelve buttons as well as War and Peace size instruction booklets just to get started. This does not include all the hidden cheats that are needed to play most games and that you must find on your own. This desire for realism has ruined a past time for many an aging gamer to be honest. Games that are for your home computer are even worse usually on the mind since they use a keyboard to mimic most functions a joystick was designed to do easily (I say easily with my tongue firmly in my cheek).

All of this babble brings me back to the main topic which once again got lost for three paragraphs. I really have to get this tangent thing under control. I have found a game that is addicting worse than crack (not that I know) and so simple that even I can work it. The game is called Pirates and only uses the numpad of your keyboard for every function of the game. It is beyond quick to learn and impossible to stop playing.

The premise of the game is that you are a young pirate with your first command. You choose if you want to be Spanish, English, Dutch, or French, but have no loyalty to any of those nations. You are trying to rescue your family who was captured by an evil pirate, but there is no impending need to do that because you are a pirate and you have a fortune to make.

The game involves you sailing from port to port selling the goods you either buy in other ports or plunder from other ships. The various nations are always at war so there is quite a bit of gold in it for you if you concentrate on one nation and keep letting their enemy know the trouble you are causing them. You can attack other ships; raid ports; search for buried treasure; follow the quest to find your family; or just cause general chaos in the area. It is all up to you.

Last night I made peace with the Spanish just to get jobs from them protecting their treasure ships. Instead I would lead them out into the middle of the ocean and kill the crew, take the gold, and sink the ships. England paid very well for that. I am hooked. If this site goes a few days without an update know I am a very rich and successful pirate, but that should not happen. I have plenty of room in my lack of a life to fulfill every addiction I have and still have room for a few more.

For the record, yes I have the “Pirates of the Caribbean” song in my head every second I am playing the game.