"It's Friday": the Post-Vacation Issue

For today’s edition of “It’s Friday” I will be letting you in on a very important secret. People have died for this secret. Wars have been fought and nations destroyed for this secret and I am going to just give it to you for free right now. Today, I am going to teach you how to make a five day vacation extend for three weeks at work. How is that for an enticement for the loyal Lemming?

I know, I know. This is just too much for me to be handing out without asking anything in return, but that is what it is. To thank each and every one of you for your loyal patronage I am going to let you in on this vital and valuable lemming trick. No thanks are necessary.

The trick to being a happy Lemming is maximizing your vacation time. Most people go for the traditional Monday to Friday week off which does give a person nine straight days off, but that only serves to make returning to work impossible and painful. This lemming trick gives you the most rest while never taking so long off from work you regret returning.

The trick is simple and rests entirely in the timing of your week’s vacation. You must start your vacation on the Wednesday that falls exactly two weeks before Thanksgiving. You work that Monday and Tuesday and start your vacation that Wednesday. This gives you a two day week for that first week. The second week you take Monday and Tuesday off and return to work on Wednesday. This gives you a three day second week. Now comes Thanksgiving where most offices are closed for Thursday and Friday which makes week three a three day week. You have just worked a total of eight days in three weeks. If that is not a three week vacation I do not know what is. If cleaver you can even repeat this process for Christmas or New Years. Any two day holiday works with this trick.

Remember that colonies of Lemmings have waged massive and bloody wars to protect this secret so do not just go and share it with anyone. Happy Friday by the way.