Columbus Day: A Holiday Celebrating a Fraud?

I feel like ranting today so strap yourself in and let’s roll.

Today is “Columbus Day” and I really cannot tell you why. Columbus did nothing. Yes, you read that correctly. He failed in 100% of his stated goals and did not even do what we seem to credit him with today.

Columbus set sail to discover a new trade route to the Indies. He failed in that regard as he never made it to the Indies. He is credited with discovering America, but he never set foot in America, he landed in Cuba. Also, there were already people there when Columbus landed. Remember, he was greeted by the indigenous people, so what exactly did he “discover?” How can you claim to find new land when there are already people living there?

Marco Polo set out to find a new trade route to China and he succeeded. He brought pasta to Italy yet he is honored by having a pool game named after him where one person closes his eyes and searches blindly for his target. Columbus, who failed in his endeavors, gets a holiday named after him. History is indeed a cruel mistress.

If anything, Columbus started a grand American tradition of padding your resume’ and taking credit for someone else’s work. He was a failure and a fraud. Maybe that is why we give him a holiday and take the day off from work for it. Or maybe I am just bitter that my office did not close today.

Thinking on a Friday? Wow!

Moms are amazing creatures when you think about it. No other creature on this planet can look at you and know exactly how to phrase something that will dig its way through any defense you may have up and get right to the heart of the matter. It really is amazing to me.

My mom has issues with my being alone. She cannot fathom how anyone can stand to always be alone to say nothing of preferring it. She worries that, while I may be happy in my youth alone, there may come a time later in life that I want to change my status only to find it too late. It is a very valid concern and one that I have myself from time to time, but my old age is far off and today I enjoy my solitude. It is an issue we have gone back and forth on for many years now.

Yesterday, my mom cut to the chase of the matter and phrased exactly how my being alone is damaging me in the short term and I finally saw it for myself for the first time.

“Brad,” she said, “you are becoming a Republican.”

Fuck, that hurt! An asshole I can take; stubborn I already knew; uptight I can sort of see, but a Republican? Christ man! That really cuts deep; to the bone almost.

I have always had a theory that socialization makes a person more liberal. That the more people one interacts with the more their personal beliefs are challenged and the more they start to understand that reality is a perspective game. What is true for one is not always true for all. This understanding really can only come about from socializing with other people.

When one is alone most of the time one comes to conclusions and beliefs constantly about everything they see and feel and hear, but, with no one to share these thoughts with, it becomes very easy to fall into the trap of “I am right because I hear no objections.” To me, that defines Republicans and I can see my mom knew this about me as well.

My mother wants me to go back to school. If not for a degree, then at least to interact with people, expand my thoughts, and challenge my beliefs. I have told her every time she brings it up that I would “next semester.” I think “next semester” has finally arrived. I don’t want to be a Republican. I want an open mind. I want to understand the plights of the downtrodden and try to help, not stand by and think “sucks to be them.” I want to be “Brad, the Kanrei” again. I know I’m still in here somewhere. I hope I haven’t lost me completely yet.

It’s Friday by the way.

Rockin' to the Thunder of 1000 Cans

Driving in my car today at lunch I heard “Maybe I’m Amazed” by Paul McCartney and Wings. It starts off with the piano intro and a few screams by happy fans that they are playing this song. This tells me that this is a live recording firstly and that people have obviously heard the original recording before.

The other day, while sitting at home, “I Want You to Want Me” by Cheap Trick came on the radio. It was the famous “Live at Buddakan” rendition that starts off with Robin Zander announcing it as the next song and greeted with a huge roar from the Japanese crowd. This tells me that this is a live recording firstly and that people have obviously heard the original recording before.

As a child I heard numerous songs from the landmark concert album “Frampton Comes Alive” dominating the FM dial. “Do You Feel Like We Do,” “Show Me the Way,” and “Baby, I Love Your Way” each broke the Top Ten with the album ranking number one on the Billboard 200 for 1976. These songs are each also greeting with an enormous cheer from an obviously massive crowd, happy to hear these classics live. This tells me that this is a live recording obviously and that the people have obviously heard the original recordings before.

Has anyone you know ever heard the studio versions of any of these songs? I ask because I am not convinced they actually exist, or, more to the point, I think these are the studio versions with canned applause added in. It has been done before. Please secure your Tin Foil Caps for this one and let’s ride.

Sitcoms have always used canned laughter or “previously recorded audience responses” as cues for the home viewing audience to know when to laugh. Laughter is contagious after all, so how better to turn an unfunny or mildly amusing joke into a laugh out loud affair than to add laughter to the soundtrack?

If a character tells a joke and there is no laugh track involved, the average viewer is not sure if they were really supposed to find it funny or not. They need the approval of others before they can express their enjoyment of the same thing. Most people do not want to stand out. They will go with the crowd even if they don’t get the joke. They will force themselves to laugh just because obviously it was funny.

To prove these points just think these simple questions: “How did the Flintstones have a live studio audience” and “Why would Happy Days specify they were ‘filmed before a live studio audience’ unless most other shows were not.”

Peter Frampton and Cheap Trick were struggling acts before these classic live songs placed them firmly in our ears and our hearts. How could a crowd that large possibly be wrong about their love for a song? I obviously must be missing out on something. I must correct this problem and love these songs as well.

In the spirit of full discloser, I do love “Maybe I’m Amazed,” “I Want You to Want Me,” and everything I have heard from “Frampton Comes Alive,” but I will now never know if they are really great songs or have I just become cattle.

***Lemming Movie Alert***

I just got sucked into a movie. I should have been in bed a while ago, but I could not stop watching it. It is an indie movie so it was just shown on HDNet once before it starts in theaters on the 10th, I think. It will be limited release, so don't feel bad if you don't catch it, but keep an eye out for the DVD or hopefully a second showing.

The movie is called "Weirdsville" by the way. I should probably write some type of review or something, but, as I said, I really need to goto sleep. Here is the Rotten Tomatoes page on it with a synopsis and links and such.

Good night and enjoy the trailer.

What is With the Rubber Chicken Key Ring Already?

There has been some slight abstract weirdness here at the Lemming House as of late that I feel I should apologize for. While I am having a great amount of fun writing that stuff, I am not giving any thought to how much fun my reader may be having reading it. It is abstract and weird and basically devoid of any real purpose other than what I feel is a clever juxtaposition of words and I could be very wrong at that. It could be trying to be witty and failing miserably. I could be losing you with every word.

I have thought long and hard about my ever changing blog and what exactly I am doing it. I started off writing essays, moved to politics and reviews, swore never to write any form of “online diary”, tried some fiction, tried some poetry, tried some parody, wrote some “online diary” stuff, dwelled on pop culture, and have recently been exploring that sealed off part of my mind where things more collide into each other over traveling together.

I am honored that you have come along for the ride, but I am feeling like I owe you some form of consistency or at least quality to my rants. What am I saying lately exactly? A Rubber chicken key ring for G-d’s sake? What am I even talking about any more?

Here is my question. This is not an appeal for praise or to build my sense of self up or anything egocentric like that. This is a question strictly about those reading here and why: what do you find here that keeps you coming back exactly? Is it the politics? Or the pop culture commentary? Or is it these weird rubber chicken key ring rants? Do I make you smile daily? Weekly? Once in a blue moon?

OK, these are questions and not a single question like I implied, but I really think I want to know. I enjoyed writing these last few abstract posts, but have you enjoyed reading them or are you just killing time until I interest you again? I write what I want to write, but I also realize that a writer is nothing without a reader and the writer does owe some consideration to those reading their work. Feedback is essential.

Kanrei and the Search for the Holy Rubber Chicken Key Ring of Salvation

UPDATED Tuesday at 10:20 am

Today, Kanrei's Imaginary House for the Improbable Trade is proud to offer salvation. You read that correctly so there is no need to clean your screen. Well, you probably should. That is filthy! Are you smoking in front of your monitor? That is one thick film. I can barely see you.

Anyways...

“Who am I to offer salvation?”

I am so glad you decided to join the conversation. Without you this would be an insane monologue to nobody. As long as you keep that screen clean, this is a conversation. And you are currently speaking to the future “King of Everything That Can Never Be Seen” you lucky lucky bast....I mean you lucky devil you.

No, please get up. No need to bow. I am the same Kanrei I was before, only now I have an entire nonexistent world under my control populated by billions of teeny tiny mini short, but nicely robust Brazilian Penguins. I tried for Zebras (same color scheme), but they asked far too many questions. Penguins are happy just to be out of the cold. Plus, they are so cute when they waddle about.

Did you know Penguin shit is florescent? It's not so you were right before.

The salvation I offer is simple and mostly “catch free.” See, every Lemming deep down in his heart really wants a rubber chicken key ring. It is among the most holy of holy objects for those who practice the faith of Lemmingism.

For all I don't really actually survey and for all the teeny tiny mini short, but nicely robust Brazilian Penguins who look up to me (not out of respect, but because they are so short), no one has yet provided me with the holy rubber chicken key ring. Rubber Duckie yes; rubber chicken key ring no. I got rubber duckies coming out of my ears, but no rubber chicken key rings.

I would trade everything I can't see for just a momentary glance at this holy relic of comedic days gone by. I hear that the Holy Rubber Chicken Key Ring can be found in the Valley of the Pie Fight just south of Eye-Poke Gorge.

Of course, in the absence of a rubber chicken key ring, salvation can be achieved through a simple swearing ceremony. Any profanity will do.

UPDATE Roxan is saved. She found this: