My Mind Has A Mind of Its Own

Is there anything more embarrassing than a Freudian slip? I swear my mind is working against me most of the time. I trust it to keep the internal monologue internal, but not my mind. Instead it has to work it into the conversation I am having. I should have killed more of its cells while in college. Pass the damn pipe. Ok, I will back up a little.

My Sirius went kaput a few weeks ago. The power cable kept blowing my cigarette lighter’s fuse and I got tired of going to have it changed. Ok, I had it changed only once and am lazy beyond belief, but that is not important to this tale. The important thing is that I went today to finally get it installed properly.

I called Best Buy before going to make sure it would not be an all night affair. I am a lazy and impatient bastard after working all day. They told me it would be a nothing job and they were actually rather slow tonight so hop in my car did I. Sorry, channeled Yoda there for a second. I was under the impression it would be a 90 minute ordeal at most.

By the time traffic allowed me to reach Best Buy, there were two people ahead of me, but it was only 6 so I had time. One person was in and out of the store and not around much, but the other person was around the entire time and was bored and was chatty. I mean circular conversationalist talking to hear his own voice chatty. Somewhere in the neighborhood of just would not shut the hell up chatty. You get the point.

It was not even that he was chatty, but he was boring and chatty. I do not care about his home theater system or the one he had before that one. I do not need to know the inches of the screen, the wattage of the speakers, the number of sub-woofers in the room, or the dpi of your old and new television. I do not need to know the intimate details of your weight loss, brother’s dog, or your son-in-law’s finger. Most importantly, I do not need to hear about these things more than one time within a single conversation. Conversation is the wrong term; lecture works better.

I went outside to have a cigarette while I waited. My cell phone was kind enough to let me know I had been there 90 minutes already and there were still two people ahead of me. Usually a cigarette is kryptonite to most people. I assumed it would be chatty boring guy repellant as well, but no such luck. He followed me out and continued the lecture on every wire, speaker, cable, and other detail of his massive system. I was shocked.

In my head I was saying “shut up shut up shut up where is that other person she has not heard this stuff yet it’s only been 90 minutes and I can already repeat the story along with you shut up” but he could not read minds. He had an Energizer battery hooked up to his mouth or something because it kept going and going and going. Obvious joke I know, but it’s late.

Anyway, I kind of slipped up as I told him I was going to go back inside. I wanted to say “I am going to go in, it’s getting humid out here”, but as I said my mind had other plans. Instead I said “I am going to go in, it’s getting annoying out here.” I actually heard my mind fall down and burst into hysterical laughter as my conscious went “oh shit did I really just say that?” That is not like me at all. Thankfully it went right over his head and became lost in the details of his new television and how the screen used to drop from the ceiling in his old house for his projector.

I behaved the rest of our four hours total time together and politely listened to every story of his weight loss, his brother’s dog, and his son-in-law’s finger. The other person eventually returned and joined us and I was saved as he regaled her with his ponderous repetitive tales. I can’t believe my mind did that to me though. I was lucky he missed it this time, but now I know I can’t trust it to keep secrets any longer. He was a boring guy and a ponderous guy, but he was nice and harmless. My mind should not have done that to him even if he did miss it.

Oh crap, what if he is a blogger...