The Google Bomb

Today I am asking for a list of words that will help increase my traffic here. As much as I love SJ and VE for their daily visits, I am an American and therefore instinctively need more than I am offered and, if I cannot have it honestly, I will cheat. Please suggest terms and phrases that might get people to accidentally stumble upon my site thinking they found the gold mine.


Bush
Terrorism
Obama
Clinton
Sex
Porn
Miley
Spears
Crotch
flash
Disney
Tampon


Thank you for your support. Number of visits as of this post: 14538. Let's see if it works.

PS- I can see a train of thought going on in that list. Can you?

The Accidental Whore -OR- Kiddie Porn Goes Mainstream

Here is the top story of today (or at least what the mainstream press feels is the top story of the day): Miley Cyrus has appeared in a series of photos that shows nothing and is embarrassed that the photos she posed for, photographed by Annie Leibovitz in a Vanity Fair photo shoot was released in said magazine.

"I took part in a photo shoot that was supposed to be 'artistic' and now, seeing the photographs and reading the story, I feel so embarrassed...I never intended for any of this to happen and I apologize to my fans who I care so deeply about."

I have to specify that these supposed racy photos were taken by Annie Leibovitz because I could just as easily be talking about those bra photos that “accidentally” were released to TMZ a few weeks ago or actually last week. Nothing like flashing your way to fame and fortune, right Ms. Hilton?

Basically what this means is that if you did not know she was posing for the cover, you do now. If you never heard of her (an impressive feat that has me jealous of you), you do now. If you have sympathy for this girl being exploited by the mass media, you fell for the ploy and if you buy anything she releases because you like her “wholesome image,” remember Brittney Spears.

The worst part of all of this is her father, Mr. Achy-Breaky Heart himself, is photographed right along side her in at least one photo: kind of hard to claim ignorance when you are posing along side her, don’t you think? Thank G-d he lost that mullet. And at least he is getting that money and fame he tried for with country and failed miserably; nothing like exploiting family for financial gain. Let’s sex up Suri Cruise next; Playboy needs a covergirl.

Everyone sing along:
Have you seen my kid
My half naked kid
Just forget the fact that she is underage
Yea, have you seen my kid
I got money that says you did
I'm so happy my naked kid is on the cover page


For the record I do not think of this photo as kiddie porn per say, but I must question the artistic nature of a half-naked picture of a 15 year old girl, famous or not. I mean, if not to stimulate then what function was this specific photo inteneded to do?

Thrilled it is Friday

‘Cause this is Friday
Friday alright!
We’re fighting every way yo
Against a week with 7 days yo
Yes this is Friday
Friday Alright!
This week is gonna end now
And it’s Friday
Friday
Hooorah!

I am so mixed about this upcoming weekend. I am thankful to be off from work, but am not totally psyched about being home without my PS3. I think my lack of a life is going to come home to roost this weekend. I may actually (hold on to your hats) have to leave my home and do something….outside. Oh my! Does the sun hurt?

I honestly don’t have that much to say today. The weekend is set and everyone has worked exactly as much as they wanted to with nobody pissed off at me. This is always a great way to start the weekend. Yes, my head is still killing me, but I will be home soon and so shall you be.

Have a great weekend.

MY HEAD HURTS!!!!

I feel like one of these today:

The pressure in my head is squishing my eyes against their sockets and forcing my brain to ooze out of my ears, but it ain't oozing which is making me wonder if it is there today at all. I can't think or focus so there is a strong possibility that I left my house today and forgot my brain. It wouldn't be the first time after all.

Sometimes my brain hurts while my body feels fine, so my brain will stay in bed and send my body out to do whatever it is I do all day: I have not paid attention to my actions in some time. For all I know, I could still be the leader of that small village just outside of Eastern Bogota and am still worshipped as a minor G-d. It could happen somewhere else besides in my head!

Anyway, as you can probably tell, I am not in form today and will return tomorrow with what I hope will be a pain-free Friday...not for you, but for me. Reading my blog tomorrow will cause you just as much pain as it does every Friday.

PS- I forgot to include my all-time favorite on yesterday's list: Imaginary Lover by Atlanta Rhythm Section. How could I forget a love song written to masturbation? Is there anything more 70's?

Imaginary lovers
Never turn you down
When all the others turn you away
They're around
It's my private pleasure
Midnight fantasy
Someone to share my
Wildest dreams with me
Imaginary lover
You're mine anytime
Imaginary lover, oh yeah

When ordinary lovers
Don't feel what you feel
And real-life situations lose their thrill
Imagination's unreal
Imaginary lover, imaginary lover
You're mine anytime

Imaginary lovers never disagree
They always care
They're always there when you need
Satisfaction guaranteed
Imaginary lover, imaginary lover
You're mine all the time
My imaginary lover
You're mine anytime

They Said What?!

Today I want to do something a little bit different. I want you to try and remember some of the dirtiest lyrics you ever heard on the radio. The “on the radio” part is important. I want you to think about lyrics that made you say to yourself “how did they get that on the air”. Here are three examples I can think of:


Who the fuck are you from “Who Are You” by the Who

But she never lost her head, even while she was giving head from “Walk on the Wild Side” by Lou Reed

I made a pussy purr with the stroke of my hand from “Cat Scratch Fever” by Ted Nugent.

So my three readers, what can you come up with?

A "Kanrei" Original

A man goes to see a new doctor he overheard some people at work speaking fondly of.

The man says to the doctor "I was wondering if there is anything you can do to help me. Every time I look in a mirror, I become really depressed over how ugly I think I am."

The doctor says,"Well, I'm an optometrist, but I can tell you your eyes work fine."