F*cking Funny Friday

For today’s “It’s Friday” I am going to change the pace just a bit. Work today is going exactly the same as it has for the last few Fridays so it would be redundant to recap the day’s events thus far. All you have to do is look at last week’s edition and you will have today in a nutshell. Instead we are going to discuss comedy today.

There is a contest today on Sirius’ uncensored comedy station between Mitch Hedberg and Lewis Black as part of their “Funny Four.” I love both comedians and really had a hard time choosing between the two, but I must go for Mitch Hedberg.

“Who is Mitch Hedberg?”

That is one reason he is getting my vote. He died a few years back. There are only two albums of his work available, but the man was pure original genius. So is Lewis Black, but Black is a political comedian. It is not all that hard to make fun of stupid people doing stupid things. Mitch found jokes where no one looked before.

“An escalator can never break, it can only become stairs.”

“I went to the store to buy a candle holder, but they were sold out so I bought a cake instead.”

“I got a business card, 'cause I want to win some lunches. That's what my business card says: "Mitch Hedberg, potential lunch winner." Call me some time, maybe we'll have lunch... If I'm lucky!"”

“It's like X didn't have enough to do so they had to promise it more. "Okay, you won't start a lot of words, but you will have a co-starring role in Tic-Tac-Toe. And you will be equated with hugs and kisses. And you will mark the spot. And you will make writing 'Christmas' easier.”

The man died way before his time. Lewis Black is great, but people will learn of him as he tours. Mitch is gone and every person who does not know who he is will never EVER live a full life.

Who makes you laugh? What style of comedy is your favorite?

Not the Friday Update Yet, But the Gloat

I need to first say “I am sorry” for the story I am about to link to. I swore never to place another story about her on this blog and I have stuck to it fairly well until today, but this story is just too funny to let slide by. Princess Diana Monroe is going to jail! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!!!

That was mean and I already can hear my mother saying “I did not raise you to be like that”, but she must have because I am like this. Other times I laugh at things before I fully digest them and do feel bad for my laughter later, but not this time. She deserves worse than 90 days in jail in my opinion and would get more if she were not Princess Diana Monroe. The L.A. cops are the most celebrity obsessed group out there I think. Slaps on the wrists all around if the cop has jerked off to a photo of you at least one time.

The thing that tells me she is really in trouble this time is this last part of the story:

Hilton's spokesman Elliot Mintz said at the time that she hadn't been aware that her license was suspended.
Mintz did not immediately return a call seeking comment Thursday.

Elliot Mintz is possibly a bigger press whore than his client is. How many spokespeople can you name? I love celebrity gossip and his is the only name I see in every story. If he is not IMMEDIATELY returning a call then this is a big problem for his client.

HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY

MC Karl Rove!!! In Da House!!! Word to Your Mother!!!

I Miss Writer's Block

ARGH! I failed again. I just cannot get the story out in a way that works. This is worse than the Earworm. I almost want…that band back in my head (almost said ABBA) instead of this. It is worse than writer’s block since this time I know exactly what I want to say, but cannot find a non-cheesy third-grader on crack style of putting it. Instead, it comes across in tragic “he did this”, “then he did this” and it just…..ARGH!

Maybe I should just write out what I intend and then fill in the gaps later. Would that work? Worth a try so here I go.

…

…

…

OK, it sounds cheesy third grade crack illiterate in my head before I can even get it on the page now. Jeebus! The problem is I am trying to write a story that exists within a cliché, but is aware of that fact in a way. I have always loved those characters that act as if they know they are only characters and enjoy the ride. That is what my heroes are. They are two guys who are aware they are fiction.

I think part of the problem is that there is a lot of subtle humor in everything I write that comes across for the actors in my head, but is lost on the page. I know I should try for a screenplay instead, but my story, even without a plot, is too big for a movie and too ridiculous for television. The only way for a proper handling of the story I feel is with text, I just cannot get that first page, screw page, paragraph to work.

I am going to go beat my cats, come back, and try again. Oh, they can read I think cause they both just bolted. Here kitty, kitty, kitty.

Yet Another Start...

I have been a very bad blogger and, as a result, have lost most of those lemmings kind enough to find their way home. I cannot blame them at all. The home has seemed abandoned the last week and the dust is adding up. I am allergic to dust as well so really only have myself to blame. I should probably turn on the “vacancy” neon sign by the road again. Maybe I need a new grand opening sale or something, but I don’t sell anything.

I have been writing these last few days, everyday in fact. I have been working on the same scenario for the past three days and have yet to come up with a version I like. I have the characters, the setting, the actions, and most of the dialogue, but have yet to find a way to piece it all together. The problem is that I am playing with a cliché, yet finding myself coming up with something “too cliché” to work.

My story is the typical “buddy picture” situation set in a world I have been working on the details of for a few years. Sort of a “Mad Max” type reality, but without the mutants and desolation. Instead, I suppose it is more towards the “Robocop” reality where corporations have replaced governments and this story revolves around two competing pizza delivery places. The characters I have because I “borrowed” a few of them from the “Charlie” story. The “Wingnut” short story was a character background for the tale as well. I have three other character details I am working on at the same time as the prologue to the story.

Please do not think I have abandoned my Home for Wayward Lemmings. After seeing Steve G, Southern Writer, and Littlebird Blue talk so much about writing I suppose I got a fire lit under my ass.

Do you ever notice you can dictate pages as you fall asleep at night only to not remember one word when you get up to write it? Any advice for dealing with this for a newbie author?

Sorry

I did not expect the ABBA thing to stay at the top for so long. I have been on a mini-vacation since Wednesday and this is the first I have turned on my computer. Reading the comments, I see I have possibly made some people quite mad. Sorry about the trap- it was not what intended.

I will try to update tomorrow. I really don’t have anything to say right now besides hello so, Hello. Be back soon or, as Winnie the Pooh puts it- Buzy Bakson.